🚨 Warning: This chapter includes depictions of non-consensual sex under unequal power dynamics. Please remain mindful of this as you read. If you feel uncomfortable, do not hesitate to stop reading. 🚨
My hoarse throat, stiff finger muscles, and above all, the pain beneath my pelvis and in my thighs every time I moved.
The aftermath of spending a night with the king was heavy.
Though I didn’t even remember how I got home, I must have been supported by the maids because I ended up back at Hunmu’s house, where I slept until well past noon, making up for the sleep I couldn't get the night before.
When I finally opened my eyes, it was because the woman, who asked me to call her Madam Gyeongin, was shaking me awake, insisting I eat something. But I had no appetite and told her it was fine.
As soon as I woke up, the realisation that I had been held by a king whose name I didn’t even know mixed with the image of Kyuhyun’s face, filling me with guilt, and I dug my nails into my skin so hard that it left marks on my arm.
"Today, my mind was terribly chaotic, but you have quite the allure to make me forget all about that."
“...”
Even if I were to return, how could I face Kyuhyun, who cherished and protected me for two years?
Could he really understand and accept me, someone who ended up in another man’s arms like this?
Even Kyuhyun, who was always so kind and gentle, wouldn’t find that easy. At that thought, I clenched my hand tightly around my flesh, hard enough to cause pain.
And with the king’s voice, a flood of resentment toward Hunmu surged through me like a rising tide.
Why did he take me to the king and make me go through all this? Even if I hadn’t caught the king’s eye, would I have been unable to avoid being violated by the men of this land?
While my emotions were already at rock bottom, to make matters worse, the pain I felt when I was in the king’s arms unpleasantly resurfaced.
He had pulled me into his strong arms, and though I desperately wanted to push him away, the feeling of him pressing inside told me it was futile.
The sensation of being forcibly stretched beneath the pelvis and completely filled didn’t dull over time, and when his movements grew rougher toward the end, the pain returned so sharply it nearly brought tears to my eyes.
But more than anything else, what I couldn’t bear was that I had slept with him without any contraception.
I still remembered, even through the pain, that he had pulled out just before ejaculation — but that alone couldn’t guarantee a reliable method of birth control.
There was a story that Casanova once used animal intestines as condoms, but in our country’s olden days, where modesty and dignity were highly valued, there were no proper records on contraception.
If the king were to seek me out again and another painful night like yesterday were to happen, I could very well end up pregnant.
Having a baby and living in this unfamiliar place without family or friends?
I absolutely hated the idea.
It was terrifying.
Even if it were my own child, there was no way I could ever love it.
I was still just a civil service exam candidate, with no thoughts whatsoever about marriage or having children.
“...”
As my emotions boiled over and I struggled to control them, the door creaked open slightly, and a cute little face peeked in.
It was the young girl who had clung to General Hunmu and nestled in his arms when I first came to this house.
“If you don’t eat, your body might get sick... Why aren’t you eating?”
The little girl, who had been watching me with curious eyes because of my hair colour, cautiously spoke after making sure no adults were around.
Normally, I would have smiled at her cute face, but what happened to me last night was so shocking that I couldn’t bring myself to smile.
The face of the child dressed in a hanbok with a daenggi [1] in her hair was nothing more than proof that I had fallen into this strange world.
As I silently looked on with a dark expression, the little girl cautiously stepped over the threshold and introduced herself.
"My name is Chohee. I am six years old this year."
Why was this child telling me about herself? Even though I was not looking at her warmly, she had such a kind expression.
"Miss... what is your name?"
"Don't call me ‘Miss’."
“Yes? ...Ah… then...”
There was no need to vent my anger about what I had gone through to a girl much younger than me, but the moment she said ‘Miss,’ a surge of rage welled up inside me.
After all, I was still in a state where I couldn’t bear the fact that I had been held by the king, and being called ‘Miss’ by her made me feel needlessly tied to him again, which only made me more upset.
Seeing the child hesitate and look flustered at my sharp reaction, I felt sorry again, so I pretended to be sleepy and lay down, turning my back to her.
Then, after murmuring softly for a moment, the little girl who had told me her name was Chohee quietly closed the door and left.
"How dare you go in and out of there!"
As soon as the door closed, someone outside seemed to have noticed and started scolding Chohee.
Just like with Madam Gyeongin yesterday, I felt that most people were having a hard time and were put in awkward situations because of me.
I didn’t understand why they were being so cautious and treating me with such respect.
As the scolding continued for a while, I closed my eyes as if to ignore it and thought to myself that I wanted to take advantage of this idle moment to get away, just anywhere.
Even if there was nothing I could do about my hair colour, now that I was dressed similarly to the people here, I probably wouldn’t feel too out of place.
"Wait... Yeah, staying here isn’t going to suddenly solve anything."
At first, it was just a passing thought, but the lingering pain seemed to urge me to hurry, so I quietly stood up.
Come to think of it, with General Hunmu gone, this was the perfect chance to escape.
I really didn’t want to face the king again.
The situation I was in and the things I had heard were all steeped in negativity, making everything seem bleak. However, I felt that if I tried everything I could and still failed, it would feel less unfair even if I had to spend the rest of my life here.
Besides, the river I jumped into wasn’t even deep; it was just a place people had dammed up to draw water.
If I were to truly jump into a deep waterfall in the heart of the forest, the story would change, and no one could guarantee that the man who supposedly failed to return actually attempted something like that.
Each movement sent a sharp pain through my lower back, but as if I had forgotten what happened with the king last night, I wore a determined expression and quietly cracked open the door.
No one was in the yard — perhaps they were starting to prepare dinner — and from what looked like the kitchen, I could hear soft voices chatting.
Even if I happened to meet someone on the way out, I could just pretend I was going out for some fresh air and come right back.
Quietly slipping on the neatly arranged flower-adorned shoes, I tiptoed toward the door.
I kept glancing around nervously, worried someone might be nearby, and after making sure no one was around, I quickly closed the door and slipped out.
I was acting recklessly despite knowing neither the geography nor anyone here, but after what happened yesterday, I could no longer trust the people here.
After all, even General Hunmu would ultimately act according to the king’s orders.
Yesterday, I followed him and went through something irreversible.
"Hmm..."
As expected, perhaps because of my hair colour, people’s gazes kept landing on me as soon as I stepped outside, so I quickened my pace.
If I had known it would be like this, I would have at least wrapped my head with a white cloth before coming out.
Still, I stood out too much, so after a while, while walking, I took off the outer jeogori I was wearing and draped it over my head.
After that, people’s gazes didn’t fall on me as much as before, and I was able to walk while observing my surroundings more carefully.
Of course, even as I did that, I didn't have a specific destination in mind. I just had a vague but strong desire to try jumping into a waterfall at least once.
・・・・・
The king kept lightly tapping his hands resting on his knees.
Last night, he embraced a woman named Yoo Yewon who came from a strange place.
Her eyes brimmed with tears, and she couldn’t even hold a sword properly.
She said she had a lover and rejected his touch.
No matter how little she understood the environment here or how significant his position was, she was the first woman to refuse his touch.
As he forced himself past her unyielding entrance and held her close, he withdrew just before climax and saw red blood smeared on himself.
The sight of blood neither moved nor surprised him, but even in the king’s arms, her expression remained desolate.
“...”
What could it be? Was it because her reaction was so different from all the women he had ever been with that it bothered him?
Even though he wouldn't bat an eye at seeing someone die right in front of him, when he returned to his room after handling state affairs, the image of her face, shedding tears and trembling with fear, spread like a fog in his mind.
Though she was a virgin, her body, unresponsive to his skill, was stiff as a wooden plank — but inside, she gently tightened around him and pulled him in, giving him pleasure.
In that moment, just recalling the night before made blood surge below his pelvis, and his expression hardened.
He couldn't believe that he was responding to her body, which was in such a terrible state that it couldn't even serve him properly.
Finding this strange and quite unsettling change, unlike any before, he soon wore a cold sneer and ordered the head court lady outside to summon Hunmu, adding that he should bring along the woman named Yewon, whom he had taken out yesterday.
But shortly after, only Hunmu appeared at his quarters.
With a stiffened expression, he entered the room and soon knelt down, prostrating himself with a thud as his head struck the floor.
"Your Majesty, it is entirely my fault."
Hunmu delivered the unwelcome news that the woman had disappeared while he was away from home.
She was such a unique woman that even the king’s body had undergone changes because of her, and he had wanted to see her again within a day, but Hunmu said he didn’t know her whereabouts and was currently sending people to search for her.
Hearing this, the king felt his heart beat rapidly for the first time in a long while.
No one else had ever dared to flee when he wished to see them, except for this woman.
Moreover, hadn’t he spared her life instead of killing her?
He soon rose from his seat.
Then, slowly walking over, he pressed his foot firmly on Hunmu’s neck, who was bowing his head to the floor.
They had been so close in childhood that they were called childhood friends, but now he was a subject bound by a master-servant relationship — one who could be killed at any time if he displeased his lord.
No, setting all that aside, would the king who caused the death of the woman who raised him truly understand how precious a human life was?
"Hunmu."
"Yes... Your Majesty... Ugh."
"Where is that woman right now?"
"I have sent people to search for her..."
Press.
"Ugh!"
"I ask again. Where would that woman be?"
"...Before dawn... cough... I will find her."
Translator's Corner:
[1] A 'daenggi' is a traditional hair ribbon made of fabric. Married women would section their hair into two plaits and secure them at the top of their heads with a daenggi, while single women used it at the ends of their single braided hair.
More info about hair accessories: https://www.korea.net/NewsFocus/HonoraryReporters/view?articleId=195273
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