・・・・・
It was the fourth night. Just as the king said, he came to where I stayed every night.
He would bring a bottle of liquor and force me to eat things like fruit or yakgwa [1], which I didn’t even like. At first, he poured it into a cup for me, but when I began to show signs of struggling, he started drinking it himself and passing it to me mouth-to-mouth.
The inescapable scent of liquor left me limp like ice cream melting on a hot day after the whole bottle was emptied.
Even though having some food in my stomach made the hangover easier to bear the next morning, that night I could barely manage to cross the room’s threshold. Those were the days when the palace maid struggled tirelessly to care for me.
Creak.
Again.
He came to where I was staying to make me drink again.
Even after drinking a bottle of liquor each night for four consecutive nights, I never once mentioned pregnancy — the one thing the king might want. And when he asked last night if I wanted to go home, I turned my head away in silence. Whether that silence was a yes or no, even I didn’t know.
I wasn't even aware I could be this stubborn. If I just humoured him and tried to adapt here, both my body and mind would be much more at ease. But every night, facing the king who was terrifying just to look at, I couldn’t bring myself to do what he wanted. So these painful, uncomfortable nights weren’t going to end anytime soon.
When the palace maid set down the tray of liquor and left, the king poured the drink to the brim of the cup without hesitation.
Then, I drank in silence until my body could no longer endure it. By now, I knew all too well that saying ‘Stop,’ or ‘I don’t want to drink anymore,’ was pointless.
If I said something careless, I might offend the king and provoke another unpredictable reaction.
After I drank, the king kept pouring without pause. But tonight, it was a little harder.
Since I knew I couldn’t avoid it, for the past three days I kept drinking as quickly as I could, hoping that once I was done, he would return to his chambers.
But now, no matter how much fruit or yakgwa I ate, my stomach was starting to send warning signs that it couldn't take much more. The scent of the liquor felt especially strong today, which made me realise I had perhaps been drinking too recklessly.
But the king would never stop this night’s encounter until I completely gave in and collapsed face down.
Could this truly be called a reward for having licked this man’s body if its only purpose was to keep me from even thinking about returning?
Who exactly was this reward for, and why would anyone think it could be called one at all?
Unlike before, I bit my lower lip tightly as I took the cup again, and the king watched me without blinking. We didn’t exchange any words, and not knowing how many more nights like this would repeat before it ended, I closed my eyes and downed the drink in one gulp.
“...”
My stomach burned, and my throat felt like it was on fire. I just wanted to stop drinking and lie down to rest. Whenever drinking started feeling like something I had to endure, that was exactly when I should be avoiding it the most.
“Your Majesty!”
Whenever the door closed and I was left alone with the king, the eunuch was so quiet it was as if he didn’t exist, except for when the woman named Yuhwa had fallen ill. But now, all of a sudden, even though the voice was soft, I could hear clear urgency in it.
Regardless, the king simply refilled my cup again and, this time too, didn’t respond right away.
“Your Majesty, I apologise for the interruption. There is an urgent matter I must report.”
Trickle.
“Drink.”
Even though the eunuch spoke in such an urgent voice, the king’s only concern was that I finish the drink in front of me.
What an extraordinary man. Most people would have at least asked what was wrong. But the king, without a change in his expression, simply lifted the cup himself and held it out to me.
“Your Majesty, Lord Beomil is said to be in critical condition.”
Freeze.
Lord Beomil? The king’s hand, which had been offering the cup, suddenly froze in midair. It was the first time something like this had happened, and my gaze, now uneasy, turned toward the eunuch outside. After a brief silence, the king suddenly took the cup he had been handing to me and drank it himself.
“Everywhere I turn, all I hear are complaints directed at me.”
Clack!
Flinch.
The king set the cup down with a sharp clink and rose to his feet. Muttering to himself, he stood and briefly glanced back at me, but unlike when Buyeon Yuhwa was ill, he immediately opened the door and left without a word.
The moment the king opened the door, the eunuch, already bowing as if he had known the king would emerge, hurriedly followed behind him with short, hurried steps.
Today, too, the thought of having to drink the whole bottle had kept my body tense, but it eventually gave way to relaxation the moment the king left, and I collapsed backward limply. I was unconcerned whether my chima rode up or not, but the way I fell drew a startled glance from the palace maid who came in late. Even without finishing the bottle, the world was already spinning wildly.
If I already felt this way without finishing the bottle, then finishing it tonight would surely have caused something to happen.
“My lady, are you all right?”
The palace maid, worried someone might see my chima that had ridden up, hurriedly pulled it down and, saying she’d prepare some honey water, quickly closed the door and left.
But as I lay there, the fruit and yakgwa I had barely eaten suddenly twisted and churned in my stomach, making me feel queasy.
If I made a mistake, the palace maid would have to clean it all up anyway, so I hurriedly got up, opened the door, and went out.
"Haa. It’s too dark."
Maybe because I had been drinking, I naturally assumed there would be streetlights, but after the king left, the area around the residence was completely dark and quiet.
Walking into pitch-black darkness where nothing could be seen was terrifying, but despite my fear and reluctance, I ran to the flower garden the king had made, crouched down, and retched.
But since all I had eaten was one piece of fruit, one piece of yakgwa, and some liquor, only my stomach churned, and I couldn’t throw up anything.
“Ugh!…Haa…”
After dry heaving several times and gasping for breath, my head began to spin, and I collapsed onto the dirt.
“Haah…”
If there was one clear advantage this place had over where I used to live, it was the stars embroidered across the night sky and the fresh, clean air.
Though my hanbok was getting dirty, I simply sat down and gazed up at the sky, where the stars sparkled beautifully, completely unlike my own situation.
Staring at the countless stars, too many to count, a sudden, inexplicable sadness washed over me, and I lowered my head.
The sorrow of a pitch-black night. No wonder the poetry of women in the olden days was so lyrical, moving the heart even with just one reading.
“What are you doing here?”
Soft rustle.
As soon as I lowered my head after looking at the stars, I heard a voice and wondered if I was hearing things. But when I turned my head slowly, it wasn’t a hallucination. General Hunmu was standing behind me, the same man who had checked on my wounds a few days ago before leaving.
I had no idea why someone who was always by the king’s side was here. My head spun, and I closed and opened my eyes several times to confirm I wasn’t hallucinating.
“…My stomach doesn’t feel well…”
“Why does His Majesty keep making you drink?”
“!”
This man… Did he know the king had been making me drink liquor for several days straight?
What on earth was he thinking? First, he softened my heart by jumping into the waterfall to save me, and now he was blindsiding me like this again.
After all, who else in this palace would dare to go against the king’s will just to protect me?
But since I had placed some hope in General Hunmu, all that came back to me was nothing but disappointment again.
“If I knew the reason, do you think I would be drinking like this?”
“...”
“I’ve been drinking nonstop for four days, and my stomach is upset. Why are you standing behind me instead of by the king’s side?”
Perhaps because the liquor didn’t agree with me, my speech was slurred, and I was clearly drunk. I was aware of it too, but even after drinking for four days straight, he never once stopped me or tried to intervene, and my heart couldn't help but well up again toward him. I realised that in this world, he was the one I wanted to rely on, just like my parents or Kyuhyun.
Knowing this wasn’t the right feeling, I tried to hold it back. I turned my head and attempted to get up, but the liquor weighed my body down, making it hard to rise, and I almost fell over again.
Tuk.
Before I knew it, General Hunmu tried to steady me from behind. But maybe because he was conscious of others watching, he extended his sword’s scabbard for me to grab instead. When I realised that, I quickly pushed it away.
“Leave me be. The palace maid, Sucheong [2], will come running soon enough, fussing over me again and calling me that strange title, ‘my lady.’”[3]
“...”
“When I was struggling as if I were dying, you weren’t even by my side. So why are you here now?”
“...”
“The king left in haste upon hearing that a certain lord was gravely ill. That is all I know, so if you came out of curiosity, I have nothing more to tell you.”
“You’re quite drunk. Hold the scabbard.”
General Hunmu extended the scabbard again after I had pushed it away. At the waterfall, he had even touched me without hesitation — indeed, the palace must be a truly terrifying place.
Steadying my wobbly legs, I glanced at General Hunmu, then, step by step, I carefully walked out of the flower garden alone.
I could feel his gaze growing sharper as he watched me, but even I didn’t understand why I was acting this way.
As I was eventually stepping out, the tip of my flower-adorned shoes caught on a neatly placed stone, causing me to stagger.
Having drunk, the world spun wildly. I squeezed my eyes shut, bracing for the sharp pain of my head hitting something hard.
So this was how things ended up unfolding today. I had a feeling it was dangerous.
Ah. Maybe it would be better to just hit my head and end up with amnesia, or even die. Anything might be better than the situation I was in now.
No, of course it wouldn’t be better, but drinking kept making my emotions spiral.
The emotions I couldn’t let slip in front of the king were now bursting out like bouncy balls in his absence.
But my body, which I thought would hurt, didn’t feel any pain at all. Instead, there was a strange sensation, as if it were soft and cushiony.
When I finally opened the eyes I had tightly shut, I saw General Hunmu lying exactly where I should have fallen. He had deliberately turned his body and caught me in his arms, taking the blow for me.
General Hunmu, who had suddenly fallen to the floor in my place, opened his eyes only after a long delay, possibly because he had hit his head.
With the sudden feeling of sobering up and his breath so close I could feel it, I didn’t know how shocked my face must have looked as I stared at him.
Fortunately, he opened his eyes and looked at me quietly, showing no sign of pain or injury.
It was a relief, but why had he gone to such lengths to protect me?
For a moment, I hoped it wasn’t just because I was the woman held by the king. That selfish wish of mine stemmed from wanting General Hunmu to be someone I could rely on in this palace, where I had nowhere else to turn.
Without a word, we made eye contact for about two seconds, then my gaze shifted to his hand pushing me away with a rational demeanour. Though it was only a brief two seconds, it felt quite long, so even as I stood up, I was almost sober enough not to stagger.
Brushing the dirt off his clothes, he glanced at my awkward expression, straightened his crooked sword scabbard, and then turned around.
I was so flustered that he had pulled me into a hug and fallen instead of me that I didn’t even hear it. Before I realised it, Sucheong was standing behind us, her sharp exhale making it clear she sensed something was off.
"It seems you’ve sobered up enough."
General Hunmu said only that one sentence, then walked over to Sucheong. He leaned in and said something brief, something I couldn’t hear, before disappearing past her, leaving her nodding repeatedly in fear.
Even after General Hunmu disappeared, Sucheong, still hunched and glancing around nervously, soon ran over to me, asking if I was okay and checking my clothes.
“...What did General Hunmu say to you?”
“Pardon? Nothing. Absolutely nothing at all.”
“...Did he say something scary?”
“...”
“It’s okay to tell me.”
As for me, whether I was drunk or not, I tended to speak comfortably with him. But Sucheong looked extremely uneasy, as if even his gentle tone scared her.
Since she and the others regarded the words of the senior officials like the heavens and followed them faithfully, I was curious but didn’t ask any further and just nodded.
On the way back to my room, the nausea and dizziness I felt earlier suddenly quieted down, and I no longer staggered. Seeing this, it seemed the saying that the body changes according to one’s mental strength wasn’t entirely wrong.
"My lady... Have you known General Hunmu since before coming to the palace?"
“No... He was the one who brought me to the palace. And… you might not have seen it earlier, but he protected me from getting seriously hurt when I was drunk, so please don’t misunderstand.”
"My lady, I didn’t see anything. It’s the truth. I don’t know anything.”
“...”
Sucheong’s fearful gestures, even waving her hands in denial, made it seem as if General Hunmu and I shared a secret connection unknown to the king. But when I saw the untouched drinks on the table, I felt uneasy and changed the subject, saying I just wanted to sleep. At that, Sucheong quickly cleared the drinks and prepared my bedding.
But as I lay down, feeling as if in a cosy embrace, a chill ran down my spine at how naturally I had come to take it for granted. Before, it felt shameless, embarrassing, and unbearably uncomfortable, but no matter how drunk I was, I now accepted it so naturally.
“Thank you, Sucheong.”
I said that while disliking how I was slowly starting to adapt to this place, and she responded:
“It’s only natural that I do my duty. My lady, please rest well.”
After saying that, she withdrew.
I needed to be careful. Before I knew it, I might really become one of the people of this place.
“Whew.”
After Sucheong left, I sighed and closed my eyes, and the face of General Hunmu, who had held me just moments ago, quietly came to mind. But before long, another image overlapped it: the king’s face as he quickly left the room upon hearing that Lord Beomil was gravely ill.
Who exactly was Lord Beomil that made the seemingly emotionless king leave in such a hurry?
Well, whoever he was, he wasn’t someone I needed to be curious about. But now, somewhat belatedly, I found myself wondering why General Hunmu had happened to cross my path in the flower garden at that exact moment.
However, that person really did know everything about the king. They said birds overheard conversations during the day, while rats caught what was whispered at night [4]. It made me realise anew that I had to be extra careful about what I said in the palace.
“…Wait a moment…”
What would happen if the king found out that today General Hunmu caught me when I fell, holding me in his arms instead of letting me fall?
Earlier, I was so embarrassed by the fact that I had briefly been in his arms that I didn’t think about it at all. But then, as Sucheong’s terrified expression overlapped in my mind, a sudden, almost fearful feeling flashed through me.
Even if I warned Sucheong to keep quiet, what if someone else saw it and reported it to the king?
“...”
No matter how little there was between General Hunmu and me, and even if it was all to protect me, the king, who had already punished him severely for not bringing me back before dawn, would surely impose an even harsher punishment.
If I were having these thoughts, then surely General Hunmu must have considered it too.
Ah. I should have just grabbed the scabbard.
Why on earth did General Hunmu, knowing all that, still hold me in his arms like that?
He raised my hopes only to let me down, then raised them again before disappointing me once more. That man was truly unpredictable.
Anyway, there was no denying that, through all this, he made me start caring about him.
Come to think of it, I hadn’t thought about Kyuhyun even once today. If I had to make an excuse, I’d say it was because I had been trying to adapt to this place somehow and get through each day. But still, not thinking about him even once was a bit of a shock to me.
But unlike earlier, when the king’s face overlapped in my mind, General Hunmu’s face, with its soft charisma and strong presence, soon clearly resurfaced in my thoughts.
Before I knew it, I had come to owe him a heavy debt, one measured in the value of my very life.
Translator's Corner:
[1] Yakgwa (약과) are traditional Korean deep-fried honey cookies usually shaped as a flower. Source: https://ccorea.com/blogs/news/korean-traditional-honey-cookie-yakgwa
[2] Sucheong (수청), in this sentence by Yewon, is used as the name of the palace maid. But keep note that the word itself, in the traditional period, was used to mean 'the act of running errands for high-ranking officials or serving a high-ranking official devotedly.' It's a word rarely used in the modern context, hence why Yewon mistakes it for the palace maid's name. You'll find out later down the track why I'm explaining the significance of this 'name.' https://namu.wiki/w/%EC%88%98%EC%B2%AD
[3] I updated this in the previous Chapter 14 footnotes. The actual title used is "Mama" (마마), which, in the Joseon Dynasty, is equivalent to "His/Her Royal Highness." For simplicity, I have kept it as "my lady" for now, but if it needs to be updated further down the story, I shall do so.
[4] The original Korean idiom is "낮말은 새가 듣고 밤말은 쥐가 듣는다" which literally translates to 'birds listen to the morning/day words. Rats listen to the night words." It's equivalent to the phrase 'walls have ears,' meaning that whenever or wherever you are, you should be careful about who you talk about because you might inadvertently be overheard by someone.
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