・・・・・
The rain poured down in torrents. It had grown so dark, and the rain fell so heavily that I could barely see ahead, and the torch had long since gone out.
I held onto the scabbard that General Hunmu had handed me as we descended, but my long hanbok, soaked through with rain, nearly made me fall several times.
Each time that happened, General Hunmu would react with lightning reflexes, turning to grab my arm even amid the sound of the pounding rain. But as time went on, it became so exhausting that even walking was a struggle.
“Haa.”
My ragged breaths turned into white puffs of mist, spilling out again and again. I should have been exhaling slowly, yet short gasps kept escaping, as if I were straining through a workout.
Whoosh.
Though General Hunmu surely had more stamina than I did, seeing him struggle only made my guilt grow heavier. I couldn’t help but feel I had done well to restrain myself from lingering to ask the elderly woman a few more questions, and instead got up.
I dragged my heavy steps again and again, yet the forest seemed endless, as if I had come impossibly deep. The darkness was so complete that I felt certain I would have been helpless without General Hunmu, and a shiver of fear ran through me at the thought of encountering a wild animal.
Perhaps I’d been in the rain for too long; I was starting to feel a bit dizzy.
“Hold on.”
General Hunmu, who had been leading the way, suddenly stopped.
“I think we’ve taken the wrong path.”
“Huh…?”
“...”
In truth, being able to find the way in such darkness would be stranger. No matter where I looked, there were only trees, so how could we possibly make our way down? Perhaps we should have stayed at the elderly shaman's house until the rain stopped. It truly felt as if we were completely trapped.
General Hunmu turned his body again. As for me, since I was only walking while relying on the scabbard he had offered, it was hard to say anything.
“I am sorry.”
“...”
“Because of me… every time… Even though I know, I still do this every time… I’m sorry… Oh my gosh!”
As my flower-embroidered shoes stuck to the soggy ground, I lost my balance and toppled forward. Fortunately, General Hunmu caught me, sparing me from rolling over, but my knee bent sharply with a crack as I collapsed. The pain was so fierce that I clenched my teeth and twisted my face, while the rain kept pouring, making it impossible to rise.
He slipped a hand under my arm and lifted me up in one swift motion, then drew me close so that, in the darkness where little could be seen, I could at least hear his voice clearly.
“Can you walk?”
“I’m fine…”
“It’s too risky to go any further down. We need to find a place to rest.”
I nodded, comforting myself with the thought that on such a night of heavy rain, even the king would not seek me in my quarters. Fortunately, just when it felt impossible to take another step in the downpour, General Hunmu finally found a cave where we could take shelter.
It was a miracle, happening just as I was about to faint.
At this moment, even a cave where travellers sometimes took shelter, with partially burnt branches and a worn straw mat to sit on, seemed more inviting than the palace, with all its silk and blazing lights.
As soon as General Hunmu entered, he started gathering branches to make a fire. I was soaking wet, my body temperature dropping, and even though it wasn’t winter, I shivered uncontrollably.
Truly, as the saying went, beyond mountains were more mountains. How did I even end up facing such a downpour today?
I finally understood why people who even wore life jackets couldn’t survive long if they fell into the sea.
“Haa…”
General Hunmu succeeded in lighting the fire. The cold from the relentless rain was briefly eased by the small warmth of the flickering flames. As soon as the fire caught, he roughly tore apart the straw mat, left behind by who knows whom, and threw it into the flames. The tightly twisted mat erupted into a blaze far fiercer than before. Only then could I clearly see his face, drenched in rain, yet showing the fatigue etched across it.
But it seemed I wasn’t the only one feeling that way. In the suddenly brightened light, he was looking at me, and the moment his eyes met mine, his lips twitched.
“Take off your clothes quickly.”
“What…?”
“Your lips have turned blue. It’s dangerous to stay like this.”
I had a similar experience when I jumped into the waterfall. Even so, unlike back then, I didn’t have any muscle pain, yet General Hunmu’s expression looked even more serious than it had at that time.
My hands had grown numb from the cold and rain, making my movements sluggish, so General Hunmu approached without hesitation and hastily stripped off my wet clothes. Even as he removed layer after layer, he showed no sign of stopping. Eventually, I was left in only my undergarments — the sokjeogori and sokchima — which allowed me to move my arms slightly, but I couldn’t speak because his face was so stern. All I could do was lower my head and curl up as best I could.
It was an extremely perilous situation, so I had no choice but to accept what would normally be unacceptable.
After seating me close to the fire and hanging my wet clothes inside where the rain wouldn’t reach, General Hunmu tore apart the straw mat again to stoke the flames higher.
And then he also took off all his wet clothes.
I inferred from the soft rustling sounds that he was undressing as I stared intently at the fire while wearing nothing but my undergarments.
Swish.
“What are you doing?!”
“Just until your body temperature rises.”
“...”
“Since I’ve already stripped you of your clothes, it will be hard for me to escape death. And now that I’ve touched your body, that too makes it hard for me to escape death.”
“...”
“But I cannot bear to see you die before my eyes.”
As I huddled as close as I could to the fire, General Hunmu stood beside me and wrapped his arms around mine. Like me, he was undressed, which startled me, but his body was just as icy-cold as mine. Flustered and barely able to breathe, I felt him start to gently stroke my arms with his hands.
He continued rubbing my arms with his hands, trying to raise the body heat of my freezing body so it could warm quickly by the blazing fire.
He said that since he had touched the body of a woman favoured by the king, it would be hard for him to escape death — but how could he claim he couldn’t bear to see me die?
General Hunmu said nothing as he continued stroking my body to raise my temperature, all the while occasionally adding pieces of the straw mat to keep the fire from dying out.
It wasn’t exactly a situation for conversation, but his hands, which kept warming my body, never stopped.
Fortunately, after some time, the rain eased, and the cold inside the cave subsided slightly.
“Look at me.”
I was still staring intently at the embers when General Hunmu let go of the arm he had been stroking and spoke. Even though his hoarse voice made it clear he wasn’t looking at me with lust, being partially unclothed made it hard to turn my head. Then, using the arm that had been holding me, he lifted my head, his gaze resting on my lips.
“...”
Feeling his gaze linger on my lips from a distance so close that our noses nearly touched, my heart raced, and blood flowed quickly despite the cold.
He must have wanted to see how my blue lips were regaining warmth, but I couldn’t bear to look at his face up close, so I turned my head away.
Then, suddenly, his hand, pressing with a little force, turned my head back so I faced him.
When our eyes met, my heart sank. General Hunmu’s face looked slightly different from usual. Earlier, he had only been close out of concern for my health, but the expression I saw now was complex. Very subtly complex.
Was I imagining things?
General Hunmu’s gaze fell on my lips once more as he watched me, my embarrassment plain for all to see. Even after being soaked by the rain, my lips felt dry, and when I made a slight motion to push him away, he stopped looking at me and pulled me into a firm embrace.
“Fortunately, your body temperature is rising.”
“...”
“But it’s too soon to let your guard down. Once the rain stops, we’ll head down immediately, so don’t fall asleep.”
・・ ・・・
Just before dawn broke, we came down from the forest as soon as the rain stopped while wearing clothes that weren’t completely dry.
Dragging my weary body, I followed General Hunmu step by step, holding his hand this time as he pushed aside the rain-soaked grass with his scabbard.
We had shared body heat in just our undergarments and, now, out of necessity, held hands as we made our way down. Even I, slow-witted as I was, couldn’t help feeling that the situation was far too dangerous. My heart was anything but calm.
Though my mind was foggy from exhaustion, I could still clearly feel the unease in my heart.
Fortunately, when we arrived at the palace, it was not yet bright, and the surroundings were quiet.
“You might catch a cold. Skip breakfast and get some proper rest.”
General Hunmu, who had been silent until now, finally spoke when we were almost at my quarters. It seemed he intended to turn back to avoid being seen by others, and I nodded in acknowledgment, but then, suddenly, he took another step forward.
“I can go from here on my own.”
Even when I tried to speak, worried we might be noticed together, he strode ahead without hesitation.
“!”
However, when I arrived in front of my quarters, I could no longer move my steps like General Hunmu and came to a stop.
It was after I saw someone in the heart of the fluttering blue air, just before dawn fully broke. Like the cool morning air itself, he sat perfectly upright in the very centre with nowhere to retreat, as still and straight as a stalk of bamboo.
I didn’t know how long he had been there. When the courtiers beside him spotted me, I instinctively realised from their expressions that something had gone terribly wrong.
"Haa...."
A sigh escaped me without my realising it, spreading like white vapour. Watching General Hunmu kneel before him, it seemed like slow motion, and I squeezed my eyes shut and opened them again.
Even as General Hunmu bowed in greeting, the man sitting motionless at the centre fixed his gaze on me.
The emotionless gaze I first encountered when I entered this palace never wavered and remained fixed solely on me.
“Where have you been?”
Flinch.
A shiver ran down my spine at the king’s voice. The cold ruthlessness in his monotone made every cell in my body tremble.
Standing there like a fool, I cautiously took a step forward at the king’s question as he looked at me. And I thought:
‘Discernment.’
I could not allow General Hunmu to be endangered because of me, so I had to take responsibility for this. I alone had to bear the consequences of this grave situation, now that the king had learnt I had gone out.
“…I just stepped out for a moment…”
“...”
“Your Majesty, I was wrong. But I can explain. I can tell you everything. I had something I absolutely had to attend to outside… I asked General Hunmu for assistance. It was my fault for going without informing Your Majesty…”
“...”
“The weather is very cold. I’m worried Your Majesty might fall ill. Let’s go inside, and I will explain everything there.”
I had certainly adapted to life in the palace. After all, I spoke the kind of words that palace officials living here would say.
However, the king didn’t move a muscle and simply looked down at me. Unable to meet his gaze, I lowered my head and realised that I had to say something here and now that would satisfy him.
In place of General Hunmu, who knelt beside me, I took a deep breath and lifted my head again.
“Your Majesty, the fault is mine. I listened to a woman who could not discern right from wrong and took her outside the palace. Please, execute me immediately.”
But just as I was about to speak, General Hunmu interrupted.
“No! I asked again and again, even though I knew it shouldn’t be done. I will explain everything.”
His words asking to be killed jolted me awake, and I hurriedly began to explain myself in defence. Then, suddenly, I noticed the corners of the king’s mouth curl up with a sharp, sardonic edge as he observed me.
“So you were close enough to General Hunmu to make request after request. Yewon.”
Flinch.
“That’s not it… He was the only person I could ask…”
“If someone begs to be killed, granting it is not difficult.”
“Your Majesty! It is my fault. I stubbornly insisted on going out like this. That elderly woman I tried to chase as I yelled because she supposedly resembled someone I know… the truth is, that was not the reason I followed her.”
“I know.”
"Yes...?"
“The strange behaviour you showed in front of me didn’t stop there. You, who don’t even know the date here, cried, claiming it was your mother’s birthday.”
“!”
“I let it be. I was curious to see how far I could embrace the part of myself that had changed after meeting you.”
"Haa...."
Goosebumps broke out all over my body as a chill ran through each vertebra of my spine again. My frozen lips did not part easily.
So he pretended not to know, even though he knew I was lying?
The king rose from his seat. All the courtiers bowed even lower and stepped back. It seemed that no one here could predict or stop the king’s actions.
“I was wrong… It is my fault for lying to Your Majesty. However, I could not speak the truth. I knew that if I told you I wanted to leave, Your Majesty would never allow it, so I could not say anything. The elderly woman I saw then was the last person I had met before coming here. Seeing someone from the place I once lived, here in this palace, I could not compose myself.”
I was desperate. Since it seemed that no one could stop him, I too was frantically trying to take control of this situation, which was pushing us toward the edge of the cliff.
“So I asked General Hunmu for a favour. I begged him, over and over, to help me meet that elderly woman. Of course, General Hunmu refused, but last night I saw her here. Incredibly, I saw her again inside this palace, and even though I knew I shouldn’t, I ran after her.”
“...”
“In the end, I did meet that elderly woman, but she is not the same person. So on my way back, a sudden downpour came… and that is why I returned so late. If there is any fault, it lies with me. The fault of lying to Your Majesty also lies with me… so please… your anger…”
"Hunmu."
"Yes, Your Majesty."
"Where did you take shelter from the rain?"
“We took shelter in a cave.”
“Is that all you have to say to me?”
"Please, kill me."
If it were me, I would have made all sorts of excuses, but General Hunmu said nothing. Aside from saying that we had taken shelter in a cave, he fell silent again.
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