🚨 Warning: This chapter includes sensitive content related to suicide and self-harm. Please remain mindful of this as you read. If you feel uncomfortable, do not hesitate to stop reading. 🚨
“My lady!”
The strength drained from my hands clutching the blanket, leaving me exposed, but I couldn’t compose myself and remained frozen in the same position like a stone statue, even when Bin rushed in out of worry.
Someone had died because of me again. It hadn’t even been long since I got over the deaths of Sucheong and the four men, and now, because of me, another life had been lost.
“My lady, please put on your clothes. The night is cold. I’m worried you might catch a chill.”
In my daze, Bin carefully helped me dress. Her tender touch carried a hint of pity, and I could feel how much attention she was putting into it.
But even General Hunmu had narrowly escaped death, yet became so ill that a physician had to be called. Seeing Bin care for me as if I were the daughter of a noble household, I found myself, for the first time, seriously thinking that perhaps it would be better if I simply disappeared.
I could never muster the strength to take my own life, but the longer I remained here, the more innocent lives were put at risk because of me.
“Bin.”
When my heart, torn to pieces, had completely sunk to the ground, I no longer used honorifics with Bin and spoke to her in plain speech.
“Yes… my lady…”
“There’s one thing I want to ask.”
“Please ask me anything, my lady. I will tell you everything I know.”
“The poison given to criminals here — what are the ingredients in it?”
Though Bin had promised to tell me everything, her face darkened instantly, and she bowed her head when I asked about the ingredients of the poison.
But as I kept staring at her, she shook her head repeatedly.
“I asked what the ingredients are.”
“I truly do not know. I really do not.”
“Then, is there at least a deep well in the palace?”
“My lady! Why do you keep saying such frightening things? You must stay strong! Please, do not say such things.”
“I’m simply asking.”
“My lady…”
“I’m tired, so will you leave now?”
Bin lingered, watching me with a helpless expression, then lowered her head and left the room with anxious gestures. However, right now, I didn’t even have the energy to argue with her insistence that she didn’t know anything.
If I couldn’t find out the ingredients of the poison, nor whether there was a well in the palace, then ending my life was by no means an easy task.
But with my emotions raging like a storm, I realised I needed to find another way rather than succumb to despair.
After going outside with General Hunmu, I found that no matter what I did, it was impossible to go far from the place where I was staying.
Then I would have to find a way here, within this place. I soon got to my feet and began rummaging through the room.
I had heard that women in the past carried daggers at their bosoms to protect themselves, and I wondered if there might be any in this room.
But I didn’t see any sharp objects at all. Even the boxes for trinkets or ornaments were completely empty. Since I had never cared for such accessories, the room was so vacant that it hardly seemed like anyone lived there.
Even after having slept here countless times, I realised only now how little attachment I had to the palace, and it became painfully clear.
“...”
In the end, I gave up searching and gazed into the mirror of the empty chest.
Sunken cheeks sharpened my jawline. Dark roots showed through the hair that had grown considerably. My eyes were heavy with sorrow. And along my neck, faint red marks remained, left by the king’s hand.
It was the same person, yet the aura I gave off was completely different from just a few months ago. Perhaps this was why they said that the environment and the people around you were so important.
At that moment, my eyes hardened as I looked into the mirror. In this room, where not a single sharp object could be found, I had discovered one thing that resembled it.
The mirror itself.
I immediately lifted the chest and hurled it to the floor, not caring whether the mirror broke.
Crash!
With a shattering sound, shards of the mirror, sharp as a blade, scattered across the floor, and I picked up the largest piece.
The truth was, I had always hated the feeling of being cut. When studying, if I nicked my hand on paper, it would ruin my mood for the entire day.
But I suppose it was still a feeling I could bear.
I gripped the jagged shard of the mirror tightly in my hand. It was astonishing that my mind, which had been tense with anticipation of the king just a few hours ago, could swing to such an extreme.
But in truth, I was grateful for that feeling. This choice seemed far better than prolonging my life at the expense of others.
Scrape.
“Ugh!”
From the start, cutting my wrist with the shard of mirror wasn’t easy. Even when only a thin line of blood appeared, the sting was so sharp that I couldn’t bring myself to hold the shard firmly.
Then, suddenly recalling Sucheong and the four men who had been stabbed to death, enduring pain far worse than this, I clenched my teeth.
And with all my strength, I slashed the mirror shard dangerously toward my wrist.
・・・・・
“How’s your health? You seem to be doing a bit better now.”
“Get out.”
“I saved your life, yet you’re being so ungrateful.”
In the midst of the Gakseok, Sahwa suddenly appeared and, defying even the king’s order, commanded it to stop. Soon after, the king himself issued the order to halt, but thanks to Sahwa, Hunmu escaped with only a fracture in his left arm, spared from a worse fate.
After regaining his senses, General Hunmu, unaware that the king had ordered the Gakseok to stop, painfully gripped Sahwa’s shoulder with his fractured arm.
Hunmu growled, asking if Sahwa wanted to die too. But in truth, Sahwa knew how much the king favoured him and that he could never truly be killed.
The excessively merciless side he sometimes showed Hunmu was likely because, in truth, he wished to be killed by the childhood friend who had long been by his side.
Ever since Hunmu failed to carry out the king’s order to kill him, he had changed, and the quick-witted Sahwa had noticed it.
However, in a case like this, since a woman from an unfamiliar world was involved, his feelings were probably somewhat mixed. Perhaps, for just that moment, he even resolved to kill Hunmu.
Even so, despite knowing that Sahwa had stopped the Gakseok, the king did not punish him at all.
“I couldn’t believe it when I heard that your great-grandfather was that stranger.”
“...”
“So, is that why you’ve been taking care of that woman, Yewon?”
“Did you come here just to make a scene?”
“I came both to check on how you’re doing and to share some news. Oh, and as I mentioned before, something harmful is growing inside you. If we wait any longer, it’ll be impossible to do anything. You need proper treatment.”
“I live a life without regrets. If you’re here just to spout nonsense, leave.”
“Well, you can’t just end things without regrets, can you? There are still matters connected to you. That woman, Yewon. It seems she’s been having quite a hard time with His Majesty lately.”
“...”
“If you recover quickly, wouldn’t you be able to oversee things at least one more time, like before?”
“I can no longer enter the palace. I have already betrayed His Majesty.”
“Betrayed? Did you even take that woman?”
Clench!
“Ghk!”
“Watch your tongue.”
“Ghhhk!”
“If you dare speak those words again, I won’t stay quiet — not even for you.”
Wham!
“Cough! Cough! Honestly, what a temper! And do you really have to grab my throat over something like that?
“...”
“Judging by your reaction, it seems nothing out of the ordinary happened.”
“Say one more word, and I’ll break your neck.”
“I heard she slashed her wrist last night.”
“!”
“You said you’ll break my neck. Well, I suppose I’d better get up then.”
Tuk.
“What are you talking about? She slashed her wrist?”
“I’m scared you might break my neck, you know.”
“Stop playing with words and just tell me!”
“I already did. She’s been suffering quite a lot at His Majesty's hands. I don’t know what her personality is like, but it was too much for her to handle. She probably also felt some guilt toward you. That woman can’t receive any news about you at all.”
“It can’t be.”
“No, it's true. Fortunately, she survived, but I heard she lost a lot of blood and hasn’t fully regained consciousness. They say she cut herself with a shard of broken mirror during the night when no one was around.
“...”
“Hunmu.”
“...”
“Make it clear. I don’t want to guess what’s on your mind, but if it’s only because of your great-grandfather that you’re concerned, then refrain from getting any closer to that woman. Otherwise, one of you could really end up dead.”
Sahwa glanced toward the door to make sure no one was listening, then lowered his voice and told Hunmu one more thing.
“Things in the palace are looking unsettled. Buyeon Yuhwa might be dismissed.”
Hunmu, knowing that Yewon had attempted suicide, paid little attention to the possibility that Buyeon Yuhwa might be dismissed.
Sahwa, who had looked at him with a fleeting hint of pity, soon composed his expression, stood up, and spoke.
“Anyway, take care of yourself. I’ll come again.”
“...”
“Now that I think about it, you probably should have become a court eunuch. You would have enjoyed His Majesty’s full favour, wielded unmatched power, and lived comfortably all your life. You wouldn’t have ended up in a situation like this.”
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