"I'm sorry. I should have told you sooner. But I held on to a faint hope. It was just one night, and I never dreamed that the monster could wield its power from the time it was a fetus."
Even if Alicia came to loathe him because of his confession, he would have no right to complain.
No one would welcome the existence of a monster who inherited the blood of a beast.
However, even if he had to endure her coldness, he still couldn't accept the existence of the child.
He didn’t want to be consumed by the fear of losing Alicia again.
He tried to remain composed, but the longer Alicia stayed unconscious, the more Cabelenus lived through hell.
He wanted to destroy everything, and yet, at the same time, he was so overwhelmed by helplessness that he couldn't do anything.
Even though he saw Alicia as someone special, he believed he could still keep his boundaries — but he was wrong.
At some point, he had already crossed that line.
"This incident made it clear. That thing is a monster. It’s keeping quiet now, but I don’t know when it will harm you again."
Cabelenus’s grip tightened.
Alicia looked at the distorted face of the man before her, barely moving her lips.
Her mouth went dry at the glimpse of a crack in the man who had always seemed perfect.
Cabelenus’s gaze was faintly trembling, barely noticeable but real.
And Alicia knew all too well the meaning behind that gaze.
“I don’t need that child. All I need is you.”
"Your Highness..."
"I know this must be confusing. But it’s urgent. We don’t have much time—"
"What are you so afraid of?"
Alicia fixed her gaze stubbornly on Cabelenus, her eyes firm.
Cabelenus's gaze wavered even more than before.
"...You."
He was afraid of her.
His voice, low and sunken, echoed softly in her ears.
"You’re so fragile, it feels like you could disappear at any moment. There were times I thought I had you in my grasp, but then the moment I looked away, I feared you would be gone forever. That’s what scares me — that no matter how desperately I struggle, a time will come when I cannot hold onto you."
“...”
“Since that day, I’ve lived focusing on just one thing my whole life. I believed that as long as I could achieve that goal, it didn’t matter what I sacrificed. I always chose the fastest path and the options that would bring the most benefit. I’ve never once regretted it, and I had intended to keep it that way."
Cabelenus shut his eyes tightly, then opened them again.
Between the slightly swollen eyelids, a pair of uniquely coloured eyes glistened.
"Even now, I truly think of myself as foolish for making this kind of judgment."
“...”
“My mind still doesn’t believe my choice was wrong. But…”
“...”
"I don’t want to lose you."
The man’s hands, rough and rugged from holding a sword for so long, completely enveloped the woman’s hands.
As if fearing she might slip away, he gripped her tightly and relentlessly, almost obsessively.
"I won't lie anymore."
“...”
"I’ll grant you anything you want."
“...”
"If you wish, I’ll call off the engagement with Princess Christie."
“If only you could give up on that monster.”
Instinctively, Alicia tried to step back from the eyes of the beast stalking its prey.
But she couldn't.
The firm grip wouldn’t let her escape.
A faint breath escaped through Alicia’s teeth.
But only for a moment.
Soon, Alicia straightened her back with resolve.
"It’s not a monster."
“You still don’t understand what that monster really is.”
"I do know."
“No. You don’t know anything.”
"What is it that you think I don’t know?"
"Just how horrifying that monster truly is."
The man who had always seemed so strong looked incredibly fragile in that moment, and Alicia was momentarily speechless.
She wanted to offer comfort, but she couldn’t begin to fathom his wounds, and the words wouldn't come.
“…You’re right. I don’t know how terrible the monster you speak of truly is. But our child is different.”
"It’s not different. It’s just a monster wearing the mask of a child."
"You haven't even seen it yet."
Alicia forced her voice out, desperate.
Cabelenus was acting that way simply because he didn’t know.
If he had actually seen that beautiful child, there was no way he could speak so cruelly.
"It's obvious even without seeing it."
"You’re wrong. Our child—"
"If it were an ordinary child who resembled you, I might have had the heart of an average parent. But that’s impossible."
"It’s impossible?"
“A child who inherits the blood of a monster is nothing but a monster in the end.”
A twisted smile spread across Cabelenus’s face.
Just the thought of the hideous beast with its black fur made him feel nauseous.
“Your Highness is not a monster.”
"I’m just pretending not to be. I’m simply clinging onto the last shreds of my pride."
But now, even that had become meaningless.
As Cabelenus rose to his feet, Alicia’s body naturally fell backward from the momentum.
Alicia froze, holding her breath as she looked up at the man who had climbed on top of her.
Before she knew it, Cabelenus’s hand was resting on her stomach.
“The existence of the monster is my rock bottom. It’s a bottom I never wanted you to see, even if it meant dying.”
“...”
“I have now revealed my rock bottom.”
His hoarse voice sounded like a beast howling in pain.
Alicia, still holding her breath, stared intently at the man radiating sharp tension.
The man’s face was darkened in shadow with the light behind him, but his golden eyes shone clearly and vividly, never losing their colour even in the darkness.
"Kill that monster—"
"Stop!"
"Even if you don't want to hear it, you have to listen. That's not a child. It's just—"
"Don’t say another word!"
Alicia cut him off, her voice urgent and sharp.
Her eyes were already brimming with tears.
"Alicia."
"It’s my child before it’s yours."
“...”
"If you speak carelessly about my child one more time, I won’t stand by and do nothing."
"I know this will upset you. But—"
"I told you clearly. I said not to say another word."
A fierce light flashed in Alicia’s gaze.
"If you want a child, you can adopt one. I’ll find a child who meets whatever conditions you ask for."
"I don't need another child."
"Alicia."
"If Your Highness refuses to acknowledge the child's existence, then this child is simply mine and mine alone."
Alicia couldn’t quite tell where this feeling had begun.
Whether it was the small comfort she received from the child or a sense of pity for a child who resembled her, she still couldn’t be sure.
But one thing she knew for certain was that she had to protect it.
If she couldn’t protect this small, budding life within her, she would carry that regret for the rest of her life.
"Please don’t hurt my child anymore."
"Your child? Hurt?"
"It hears everything. Every word."
"If it’s listening, then that’s good. That monster should know exactly where it stands."
"Don’t call it a monster."
"Then what am I supposed to call that horrible thing?"
"I don’t know what Your Highness has been through. But at least I know this."
“This child is not a monster.”
Alicia placed her hand atop Cabelenus’s.
She pressed the rough palm firmly against her belly and looked directly into Cabelenus’s eyes.
"The child is already very sensitive. Timid and easily frightened. So please, don’t say anything more cruel than this."
“...”
"The child resembles me a lot."
"It's trying to deceive you. Trying to win your favour, even just a sliver—"
"It's a child."
Without even stopping to breathe, Alicia continued speaking right away.
"It's only natural that the child wants to be loved. There's nothing strange about it."
"It’s not a normal child."
"Even so, the child is mine. No matter what others do, I, at least, have to be on the child's side."
"It’s not even born yet."
"That's right. The child hasn’t even been born yet — a tiny life just beginning to sprout. What’s so frightening about that? What could the child possibly have done to deserve such harsh words already?"
Alicia’s eyes were bloodshot.
She was stubbornly holding back her tears.
"Because that’s a child who should never be born."
“Someone like you should never have been born.”
At that moment, Alicia’s face twisted mercilessly at the memory flashing through her mind.
It was a phrase all too familiar to her.
The King of Neustein. That man who could hardly be called her father.
Alicia vividly remembered the words he spoke the very first day they met.
Alicia stared blankly at Cabelenus.
Even though comparing Cabelenus to her father made no sense, she couldn’t erase the thought once it had taken hold.
In the end, Alicia couldn’t look at Cabelenus any longer and closed her eyes.
She needed unwavering faith, but there was nothing she could be certain of.
She could imagine being lovers with Cabelenus, but she couldn’t picture becoming family with him.
・・・・・
"Please have a warm cup of tea."
"...Thank you."
Madame Morco set a teacup down on the table.
Alicia stared blankly at the steaming cup of tea.
She had no strength left in her body.
She felt completely drained as if her whole body had been salted and left to wither.
"Don’t be too disappointed. This is just the beginning."
“It’s only the beginning, but there’s no end in sight.”
Alicia’s head drooped down weakly.
She talked with Cabelenus again today, but the conversation always ended up going in circles.
Cabelenus didn’t want the child.
That premise remained absolutely unchanged.
"My lady."
“His Highness doesn’t want the child more than I had thought."
“...”
"He doesn’t seem to have any intention of changing his mind."
"He’s the kind of person who never reverses a decision once it’s made."
“But I don’t think it’s just that…”
Alicia closed her eyes, unable to say more.
Cabelenus hadn’t explained in detail, but his uncharacteristic reactions weighed on her mind.
There must be some hidden reason behind it.
Thinking that way, she felt sorry for Cabelenus.
She wanted to hold him tightly.
But she couldn't.
Alicia habitually gently stroked her belly.
“Don’t worry too much. There’s still time left.”
“…What if His Highness never changes his mind?”
“...”
“What if he ends up planning to kill the child?”
Alicia's fingertips trembled.
Cabelenus was serious.
He was truly considering harming the child.
“This is His Highness’s land. There’s no way anything here could go against his wishes."
Right now, he was just holding back to avoid upsetting Alicia.
But Cabelenus could harm the child at any time.
"No matter what happens, I will protect you."
“…I’m so scared. Everyone feels like my enemy. It’s as if they’re desperate to kill the child.”
"My lady."
"Every day feels like my heart is drying up. I hold onto hope that today he’ll listen to me, but I’m also afraid he might change his mind and insist on getting rid of the child no matter what."
Madame Morco silently embraced Alicia.
Alicia closed her eyes and let out a weak breath.
“I had a nightmare. A very terrible nightmare.”
“They say dreams are often the opposite of reality. Things will turn out fine.”
“I really hope that’s true.”
Alicia muttered weakly.
Every time her eyelids twitched, her dry eyelashes trembled too.
At some point, even tears stopped coming.
All she could think was that she had to endure it.
"His Highness cancelled his engagement to the other woman, but I’m not happy about it at all."
“...”
“He showed me a list of suitable families to adopt me into and told me to choose whichever I wanted, but honestly, I didn’t care about any of that.”
“...”
"He was telling me about what happened today and our future, but instead of feeling thrilled, my heart just hurt so much."
It was the life she had wanted.
It should have been a conversation she welcomed.
But with each passing day like that, Alicia felt more and more tormented.
In the perfect world Cabelenus painted, there was no child.
That fact was unbearably difficult to endure.
"His Highness’s words and every single one of his actions deny the child. The child clearly exists, yet he treats them as if they don't."
"…You’re having a hard time, aren’t you?"
Madame Morco gently patted Alicia’s frail back.
She wished she could do something for Alicia, but there wasn’t much she could offer.
All she could do was listen and offer comfort.
"It's so hard. But that’s not even the hardest part. What really breaks me is…"
Alicia tightly shut her eyes, swallowing the words she couldn’t bring herself to say.
What truly terrified her wasn’t Cabelenus, but herself.
Worn out by the repeating circumstances, she feared she might be shaken by the future the man described.
In the end, she was afraid she might start having thoughts she shouldn’t.
“…I have a favour to ask.”
After keeping her head bowed for a long while, Alicia cautiously lifted it.
Veins bulged on the back of the hand gripping Madame Morco’s collar.
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