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Chapter 55: If Only You Would Stay By My Side

Jun 23

9 min read

Reira Tsuki

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"Now, after all this time?"


Alicia let out a hollow breath.


"I'm saying I’ll do it now — even if it's late."


Cabelenus grew anxious and tightened his grip.


The hellish moments of the past eight years had been more than enough.


"No. Your Highness, you can’t do that."


"Because the child from eight years ago died a long time ago."


Alicia glared at Cabelenus with her reddened eyes.


He had already abandoned the child once.


He couldn’t suddenly claim the rights of a parent now.


No matter what anyone said, Michael was solely her child.


“...They died?”


"Why are you surprised? It’s what Your Highness wanted."


"Alicia."


"Your Highness’s child, whom you wished to kill, died eight years ago."


Alicia clenched her teeth as she grabbed Cabelenus’s wrist.


The man didn’t know Michael’s secret, and Michael was much smaller than other children his age.


She was deeply grateful for that fact.


"I told you. It doesn’t matter who the child’s father is."


"Even if I have a husband?"


“...”


"I’m happy now. And now that it’s come to this, I don’t want to go back to the past."


Alicia’s hand indifferently pushed Cabelenus away.


Cabelenus stared blankly at the hand pushing him away, then looked at Alicia.


She was smiling, her head held high.


"I’ve never once missed Your Highness before. My life has been too happy for that."

 

“...”


"Please just go back. Isn’t it laughable that someone who never once searched for me in eight years is acting like this now?"


"…I thought you were dead."


“...”


"It’s not that I didn’t try to find you. I just couldn’t. No matter how much I searched for your traces again and again, in the end, all that came back was the fact that you were dead."


Cabelenus hurriedly grabbed Alicia’s hand as she tried to walk away.


Her once-beautiful small hands had, before he knew it, become just as ruined as when he first met her.


"The man who calls himself your husband — this is how he cares for you?"


"That’s how the hands of countryside women are. There’s nothing special about mine either."


The hands she had never once felt ashamed of now seemed so shabby in front of this man.


Unable to withstand his persistent gaze, Alicia subtly turned her head away.


"Your face has taken a lot of damage, too."


“...”


"Your clothes are also very worn out."


“...”


Alicia’s earlobes flushed red at the sound of his indifferent, steady voice.


Her sun-darkened face, rough hands, and frayed cuffs were all natural to her, but the man’s criticism made everything no longer seem so.


Because when she stood before the man, she was no longer a mother, but a woman.


"You really look just like a peasant woman."


"If you intend to mock me—"


"And yet, why is it that you still, without fail, steal my gaze?"


“...”


“You said you didn’t want to see me. That you were happy without me.”


Cabelenus lowered his gaze and bit his lip firmly.


This wasn’t the reunion he had dreamed of.


Cabelenus didn’t want to see the woman become another man’s wife and bear his child.


He was furious — again and again.


He wanted to destroy everything right then and there.


But he couldn’t.


Even as jealousy surged and spun wildly in his mind, he welcomed the warmth of her touch.


In the end, what surpassed all other feelings was the gratitude that she was still alive.


"Not me. I never once forgot you over these past eight years. I hated how time kept passing and everything changed. It was unbearable, the feeling that you remained still while I was the one moving forward."


“...”


"Just say the word. If it’s something you want, I’ll do anything for you."


“If only you would stay by my side.”


Cabelenus slumped weakly to the ground.


Alicia swallowed hard as she looked at the man who wouldn’t let go of her hand, even in that moment.


"…It's all in the past."


"It’s not over."


"Just being stubborn won’t change anything."


"If I can hold onto you with that, I can do anything, no. I will do anything."


The man was full of contradictions.


He was rough yet cautious at the same time.


“I’ve regretted it countless times. Over and over again. No matter how much I replayed it in my mind, what came to me wasn’t your smile, but your crying face.”


“...”


“I know you can’t trust me. But just once — just give me a chance.”


She had told herself countless times in her head to refuse, but his trembling hand was pitiful.


His tearful eyes stirred her pity.


Her heart ached, as if torn to rags, at the downfall of the man who had once shone like the dazzling sun.


Though there were times of hardship, the happy moments outweighed them.


But that was as far as it went.


With eyes firm with resolve, Alicia pulled her hand away. 


"I can't do that." 


"Why?"


"Because my heart has changed."


“...”


“I don’t love you anymore. That’s all. There’s no other reason.”


“Then use me.”


Cabelenus took Alicia’s hand again.


"Use you?"


Alicia’s face twisted.


“People are targeting you. Maybe, what happened before could happen again.”


“...”


“I’ll protect you, and your child. Just let me do that."


"Doing that won't benefit Your Highness in any way."


“I’ll still have you.”


“...”


"Even if it's like that, I can see you and be by your side. That's enough for me."


It was unlike Cabelenus, but he spoke in a hurried tone.


He was anxious. 


“That’s how Your Highness feels, not me. Honestly, I’m beginning to doubt even Your Highness’s true intentions now.”


"Alicia…"


“I will protect my child. I have done so until now, and I will continue to do so. However, there’s no place for Your Highness in that.”


Alicia reached out and pushed Cabelenus away.


Even without using much force, the man was pushed back more easily than expected.


“Go. And just forget about me."


"Forget you?"


“Yes. Forget about me. Live as if someone like me never existed from the start. You’ve done well these past eight years. Just do the same.” 


"I can't do that.  Knowing full well that you’re alive, how could I—”


"Then just consider me dead. If that makes it easier for you to forget, feel free to do so. If that’s how I can sever the ties with Your Highness, I have nothing more to ask for."


Alicia clenched her fist tightly in secret.


It felt like swallowing fire, but she couldn’t stop.


Starting over was impossible.


Now, she had something to protect.


“Please stop now and give up. It’s different from when I endured it out of love for Your Highness. I can no longer live like that, nor do I intend to.”


To say she wasn’t shaken would be a lie.


It was also true that she wanted to believe.


But Cabelenus did not love her.


No matter how tenderly he looked at her now, no matter how desperately he pleaded, it did not come from pure feelings.


When she realised that fact, Cabelenus’s reaction was obvious.


He was a cruel man. 


To the extent that, if necessary, he could even kill his own child.


That fact must never be forgotten.


・・・・・


"What will you do? Are you going to return like this?"


"Of course not."


"Then, even if it’s by force—"


"I want to, but if I do that, she’ll never look at me again."


Cabelenus sighed and pressed his hand to his forehead.


When his anger surged, he considered dragging her away by force, but seeing the woman stubbornly hold her head high and raise her voice, he ultimately couldn’t.


He was familiar with resentful looks, but still, he didn’t want to be hated.


He thought he could be satisfied just knowing she was alive, but when they actually faced each other, he became greedy.


“I like you.”


In that moment, he longed for that affectionate look in her eyes.


Cabelenus roughly splashed water on his face.


No matter how much he thought it over, her steady gaze wouldn’t leave him.


"Then what will you do? Not only is the young lady's opposition strong, but you’ll also earn the resentment of that little boy. Or rather, the young master..."


"You go ahead and leave first."


“Pardon?”


"I know exactly what the enemies are up to. I can’t leave her behind. I’ll stay, so you return to Schwarhan first."


There was no need to rack his brain over it.


Cabelenus stood up from his seat.


"Can you really persuade her?"


"I have to."


Cabelenus’s eyes shone with determination.


At the end of his gaze stood a dilapidated old cabin.


・・・・・


“...”


“...”


As soon as the door opened, Alicia instinctively frowned at the familiar face.


Then, she slowly moved her head up and down to confirm the identity of the visitor. It wasn’t just her imagination.


Before her stood Cabelenus, wearing a light shirt.


“What are you doing here?”


“The house looks pretty worn down, so I wanted to check if there’s anywhere that needs repairs.”


Cabelenus nodded indifferently.


“I told you to go back.”


“How can I go back without you?”


“Don’t waste your time on useless things. I’m not going back.”


Alicia snapped coldly and brushed past Cabelenus.


Matching her pace, Cabelenus hurried after her.


“You said you couldn’t trust me, right? Then I’ll wait until you can trust me again.”


“Your Highness is a busy man.”


“That doesn’t matter. What matters is you.”


Suddenly, Cabelenus blocked Alicia’s way.


She let out a short sigh and stepped aside.


But soon after, the man blocked her path again. 


“...What are you doing?”


“I want to help you.”


“If you want to help me, please step aside.”


Alicia wrinkled the bridge of her nose at the shadow unexpectedly cast by the man.


Cabelenus cautiously glanced at Alicia before carefully stepping aside.


"What I mean is, if there’s work that requires physical effort, you should put me to use."


"Why should I?"


“Because I hate seeing you struggle.”


“I’ve managed well on my own so far. I don’t need help now.”


“You said you have a husband.”


“...”


‘Oops.’


She realised her mistake too late.


A faint smile played on Cabelenus’s lips.


“You lied.”


"I didn’t." 


“Then?”


“My husband is often away for work.”


Alicia lifted her chin, trying to appear as calm as possible.


Cabelenus narrowed his eyes but couldn't discern the truth from her expression alone.


Above all, she had a child. 


A child with reddish-brown hair and grey eyes, just like Alicia — traits his own child could never have.


"What kind of person is he?” 


“What do you mean?”


“Your husband.”


He never knew that just uttering a word could leave such a bitter taste in his mouth.


Cabelenus looked at Alicia, suppressing his anger toward a man whose face he didn't even know.


Alicia hesitated for a moment with a troubled expression before finally coming up with a decent excuse.


"...He’s a good person."


"A good person, you say?"


No other words were necessary. 


Cabelenus’s eyes, resting on Alicia’s rough hands, held an intention more certain than a hundred words.


"I already told you. Most countryside women’s hands are like this. It’s not that he did anything wrong."


Although she had initially felt embarrassed to show her hands in front of him, she wasn't as self-conscious about it this time.


If it weren’t for being in front of Cabelenus, Alicia wouldn’t have felt ashamed of her hands at all.


Though not as soft as when she used to carefully apply fine oils, it was thanks to these roughened hands that the current Michael existed.


Even if others called them unseemly, her roughened hands were Alicia’s pride.


“If it were me—”


"There's no need to consider that. It won't happen anyway."


“…You’ve become cold.”


"I'm past the age of being swayed by emotions.”


Alicia quickened her pace.


She intended to put distance between herself and Cabelenus, but he followed her without any difficulty.


"How long do you plan to keep chasing me?"


“Until you say you’re leaving.”


"Are you aware that we've been saying the same thing since earlier?"


"I know. That's the point."


“...”


"You and I are both stubborn, so we have no choice but to see who wins."


Cabelenus subtly avoided Alicia's gaze.


Alicia tried to retort but eventually shut her mouth tightly.


No matter what she said, it seemed like it wouldn't reach him at all.


“Give it here. I’ll carry it.”


“...”


“Alicia?”


“...”


“Alicia.”


Though she clearly heard him calling her, Alicia pretended not to notice and picked up the shovel.


If words didn't work, she had no choice but to pretend to ignore him.


"You’re pretending to ignore me.” 


“...”


"Well, fine. This isn't so bad either."


Cabelenus slung the shovel over his shoulder and gave a slight nod.


Alicia stood on tiptoe to reclaim the stolen shovel, but no matter how much she stretched her hand, she couldn’t reach it.


"Stop making a fuss and give it back—"


“Don’t bully my mum!”


Thud—!


With a dull sound, the apple dropped to the floor, and suddenly, silence fell.


Simultaneously, Alicia and Cabelenus turned their heads at once.






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