Alicia stared straight at Cabelenus, clutching the accessory like a lifeline.
Spending the night with him and attempting an assassination while he was off guard was already out of the question.
There was no longer any need to throw herself into Cabelenus's arms.
Nevertheless, Alicia couldn’t bring herself to reject him.
Even knowing she was acting in vain, she couldn’t stop herself.
Cabelenus was not the only one curious.
Alicia, too, was curious about him.
The foreign man who didn’t kill her always left her filled with questions.
“I won’t regret it.”
If she was going to die anyway, it wouldn’t matter if she confirmed that much before the end.
The moment Alicia let out a trembling voice with that thought, her lips were swallowed whole.
“Hmph.”
'Being devoured.'
Why did such a thought come to mind at that moment?
Alicia clutched the hem of his garment desperately and clung to him.
The sensation of her tender lips being bitten and pried apart was overwhelming, yet there was no place to retreat.
The firm fingertips burrowing into her hair allowed no escape.
Overwhelmed by the heat, Alicia instinctively wrapped her arms around the man's neck as her mind grew hazy.
Her entire body shuddered at the chilling sensation sweeping down her spine.
・・・・・
It was dawn when Alicia opened her eyes.
Alicia slowly closed and opened her eyes, feeling the strong arms pressing down on her body.
The man sleeping in front of her still felt unreal.
But it was no illusion.
She certainly spent the night with that man.
The memories of last night, when she had been pushed to her limits countless times, were so vivid and unfamiliar that she couldn’t forget them.
'It hurts.'
Alicia tried to slip away quietly but soon let out a laboured breath.
In the past, pain of this level had been nothing to her, but feeling it again after so long made her reflexively frown.
‘I’m ridiculous, really.’
After a brief sigh, Alicia cautiously slipped out of Cabelenus's arms.
Her whole body ached as if it had been beaten, but it was better than staying wrapped in his arms.
After all, the man's embrace, warmer than that of most people, was so large and comforting.
Alicia looked down at Cabelenus with a distorted expression.
She had seen his face many times, but this was her first time studying it up close.
‘Everyone said the Wolf of Schwarhan was a monster...’
The man illuminated by the moonlight was so beautiful that he felt unreal.
It was hard to believe that this man, known as the Wolf of Schwarhan — a name that made people tremble — could be a monster.
‘Honestly, he’s too pretty for a monster.’
Alicia’s hand cautiously reached towards Cabelenus's face.
Of course, she didn’t have the courage to touch him directly, so she kept a small distance.
Even though she had been in his arms just moments ago, she still felt embarrassed at the thought of her bare skin touching his.
“Cabelenus von Schwarhan Blanche.”
Alicia murmured in a voice so soft it seemed her own breath might carry it away.
It was a name that a slave like her should never utter, but just this once, she wanted to see his face as she called it.
She found herself wondering what kind of expression he would make if she called his name.
Alicia’s hand, which had been tracing Cabelenus's eyes, nose, and lips from a small distance, suddenly stopped.
She thought she would have no regrets even if she died, but for some reason, that face kept resurfacing in her mind, and it made her throat tighten.
Alicia bit her lip to stifle the sob that threatened to burst forth.
It was strange.
After resolving to die, she thought she had let go of all attachments, but being with him made her greed resurface again and again.
The warmth she had longed for so much was being given to her by none other than the man who destroyed her country.
Unable to contain her rising emotions, Alicia covered her face with both hands.
No matter how hard she pressed her palms against her face, the tears that had started flowing wouldn’t stop.
‘I can't anymore. I really can't. If I continue, it will only lead to futile greed.’
Alicia roughly wiped the tears with her damp palms.
At the end of her gaze was an item that she couldn’t use yesterday.
Alicia hesitated before picking up the accessory that had fallen to the floor.
Now, she knew for sure.
That man would not kill her.
And no one would defy that man.
If she truly wanted to end her life, she would have to take it herself.
“...Sorry.”
'Who was that apology for?'
Alicia muttered to herself with tearful eyes as she twisted the jewel part of the accessory.
Then, she pressed the sharp tip of the knife to her neck and tightly shut her eyes.
The knife was coated with poison, so dying would be very easy.
However, her hand wouldn’t move.
She was afraid of dying.
She could no longer be indifferent to death.
It wasn’t until she faced the blade that she painfully realised this truth.
‘Why am I doing this now? What will even change if I live like this?’
She was afraid that if she delayed any longer, all the thoughts she had kept tightly hidden until now would be exposed.
Alicia tightened her grip on the weapon.
Even though her whole body trembled as if the blade would touch her at any moment, she moved her hand out of sheer stubbornness.
Swish—
It was then.
Her body fell backwards.
Alicia, who had unexpectedly found herself lying on the bed, slowly closed and opened her eyes.
Cabelenus, whom she had thought was asleep, was above her.
“I was wondering if you really wanted to die.”
Alicia involuntarily laughed as she looked up at Cabelenus, who was glaring down at her and grinding his teeth.
Even though she knew it was contradictory, she was glad she hadn't died.
“You’re laughing?”
Misunderstanding Alicia's smile, Cabelenus growled lowly.
He revealed his ferocious expression without holding back, like a wild beast.
But Alicia was not afraid of him at that moment.
Rather, she was pleased.
“Don’t entertain any foolish thoughts. You will never die.”
This man was holding onto her meaningless life.
Alicia looked up at Cabelenus with a twisted expression, not knowing whether to smile or cry.
The tears, which she thought had stopped, began to flow again at the thought that she could see his face once more.
And then she realised that she, in fact, did not want to die.
・・・・・
“Eat more.”
At the indifferent command, Alicia picked up the spoon she had put down.
Alicia thought he wasn't looking at her, but, like a ghost, he noticed that she was about to finish her meal.
“I’m full enough.”
“You can eat one more bite. Eat.”
“But...”
“The physician said you’re eating too little. You need to increase your food intake little by little to gain weight.”
Cabelenus replied, still not looking at Alicia.
Alicia stole a glance at him and managed to take another sip of her soup.
After the suicide incident, Cabelenus began to frequently take Alicia along with him.
“I won’t do that again.”
“What do you mean?”
“Dying...”
Alicia stopped speaking and lowered her head.
Even the slightest mention of death would make Cabelenus's gaze so sharp that she couldn't continue speaking.
"I saved the life you threw away. Therefore, your life rightfully belongs to me."
He would never let anyone take what he considered his.
Cabelenus's eyes flashed.
He was still angry.
“I…”
How could she calm his anger?
Alicia pursed her lips.
Even though she said she wouldn’t die, Cabelenus didn’t believe her.
No blades could be found in her room anymore, and if she was not with Cabelenus, someone else was always with her, keeping watch.
"Don't entertain any other thoughts. If I see even a single drop of blood flow from your body, those you wanted to protect will also see blood."
His low voice sent a chill down her spine.
The man’s warning was sincere.
He was not a merciful saviour.
Alicia silently pushed the remaining soup into her mouth.
After dining with him, she could no longer taste anything in her food.
No, from the very beginning, Alicia was the only one who ate proper meals during meal times.
Cabelenus would always set out a lavish meal for Alicia, but he himself would typically eat a simple sandwich while working.
Alicia absentmindedly stirred the innocent soup with her spoon.
She thought she might be able to eat more if they ate together, but having a meal with a man who only stared at his documents wasn't very appetising.
“A jeweller is coming today.”
“But I bought jewellery last time.”
“It doesn’t matter. Just buy more. Among everything you buy, there's bound to be at least one thing you like."
Cabelenus was generous in what he provided for Alicia.
Day after day, he had her clothes tailored and bought her jewellery.
“...Neinstein is a poor land.”
Although Alicia had no eye for jewellery, she could roughly estimate how much they cost.
It was extravagant to spend such a large sum of money on clothes and jewellery that she would never wear.
"I know. The national treasury is depleted due to consecutive poor harvests, and just outside the capital, countless people are starving to death. This war has resulted in more losses than gains. Even just considering the money and supplies we're bringing in from Schwarhan for the reconstruction of Neinstein, it's a loss."
Cabelenus answered calmly and turned the page.
"Then shouldn't we avoid wasting more on jewels?"
"It is Neinstein that is poor, not me."
Cabelenus resolutely cut off Alicia’s words as though they weren’t worth answering.
Schwarhan, the territory he ruled, was part of the empire, but it was wealthier than any other country.
It couldn't even be compared to Neinstein, which had barely managed to keep its name on the map.
It was ridiculous to be so anxious over a few pieces of jewellery.
“Your Grace...”
Alicia opened her mouth to speak again but then shut it tightly.
For a moment, she almost made a mistake.
No slave in the world could talk back to their master.
“If you have nothing more to say, finish your meal. No matter how much you talk, I don’t intend to let you leave that seat until you finish the soup.”
“...I understand.”
Alicia gave up on any further resistance and nodded meekly.
Even if Cabelenus's attitude towards her seemed special, she had no intention of being deluded.
No matter how it was presented, their relationship could never be equal, and the outcome was already predictable.
If she wanted to enjoy this peace for even a little longer, it was wiser to stay quiet and live within the boundaries set by Cabelenus.
"...As I thought, you don't care for jewels much, do you?"
Only after Alicia’s bowl was completely empty did Cabelenus break the silence.
“Pardon?”
Alicia frowned slightly, unable to understand the sudden question thrown at her.
In the meantime, Cabelenus kept his gaze on the paperwork, leaving Alicia unsure if she had heard him correctly.
"Jewelry, do you dislike it?"
“That’s …”
"Don't beat around the bush, answer properly."
“No, I don’t dislike them. It’s just…”
“It’s just...?”
Her gaze met his golden eyes shining from behind the documents.
Alicia felt the back of her neck stiffen and swallowed hard, her mouth dry.
It was just eye contact, but her mind became a mess.
“I just don’t think they suit me…”
"They don't suit you?"
“Of course, the jewels are pretty. But they don’t suit me…”
Under his persistent gaze, every word she said seemed to be noticed, so she kept trailing off.
Alicia closed her eyes tightly, hoping this absurd mealtime would end soon.
But even with her eyes closed, she could still feel his gaze on her, so reluctantly, she opened her eyes again.
“Is that all?”
“Pardon?”
“Did you make that face because you thought it didn’t suit you?”
Cabelenus's lips curled in displeasure.
He looked genuinely dissatisfied.
“Because it’s true.”
Alicia awkwardly smiled.
"You're still not good at lying."
"..."
"I don't like it when you beat around the bush. Just tell me straight. As it is. Just be honest."
Cabelenus made the request easily, but for Alicia, it was anything but easy.
In the past, she had been prepared to die, so she could act without hesitation, but not now.
Alicia did not want to die anymore.
Naturally, she had no choice but to hold herself back.
But the man watching her intently was not one to give up.
In the end, it was Alicia who surrendered.
“I don’t know.”
“You don’t know?”
“It still doesn’t feel real.”
Alicia gave a faint smile, avoiding Cabelenus's gaze.
It was because she already knew that, despite many changes, it still felt like wearing clothes that didn’t fit.
Alicia was well aware of her position.
Even if they ate together, slept together, and received many gifts, it didn’t change the fact that she was a slave.
Everything she was enjoying now wasn’t entirely hers.
It was merely a bubble that would vanish once Cabelenus's interest waned.
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