‘…How much longer can I endure?’
Alicia leaned against the wall and exhaled deeply.
Her health had suddenly worsened.
There were moments when, even though she seemed fine, her vision would briefly blur.
‘It was fine before, so why now of all times…?’
Alicia rubbed her eyes roughly with both palms.
She already knew it was a power that devoured one’s life.
She also knew that someday she would have to pay the price, and that her life would end sooner than Cabelenus’s because of it.
But at least, not now.
She had only just started to feel a little happy, and having her hopes crushed, as if it had been waiting for this moment, was cruel.
As always, God was cruel to her.
‘…There’s no point in resenting. If I really don’t have much time left, I don’t even have time to waste on resentment.’
Alicia’s hands, covering her face, trembled.
Veins stood out on the back of her pale hands, tensed to the limit.
She was afraid of death, but more than that, she worried about those left behind.
Though he tried in his own way, Cabelenus was still inexperienced as a parent, and Michael still needed a parent who could provide a steadfast sense of security.
She couldn’t even imagine what kind of aftermath her absence would bring.
‘Let’s hold out as long as possible. For as long as I can endure, I’ll endure — and if it really comes to it, at the last moment, even that person’s shackles…’
She couldn’t tell whether it was the heat of her breath scorching her palms or her own insides, blackened and burning.
Alicia bit her lips firmly.
It was then.
“...My lady?”
Now, she heard a voice she had grown fairly familiar with.
Alicia reflexively wrinkled the bridge of her nose and lifted her head. Fenrir was looking down at her with a worried expression.
“Are you feeling unwell?”
Fenrir asked cautiously.
Alicia hesitated for a moment, then shook her head from side to side.
“No. I just need a moment to think.”
“Even so, you look quite pale.”
“It must be the lighting.”
“I think something like this happened before, too.”
Fenrir chuckled good-naturedly and shrugged.
Alicia took a small step back.
“I was just tired back then. It’s nothing serious.”
Alicia gave a slight smile.
It was a clear sign of refusal.
“...”
“Judging by the direction you’re heading, it looks like you’re going to meet His Highness. You’d better hurry. You wouldn’t want to be late.”
“Yes, I suppose I should.”
Fenrir hesitated for a moment, gave a brief bow, and turned away.
That woman belonged to Cabelenus.
Whatever the circumstances, it was best to just let it pass.
Now that he had joined hands with Cabelenus, there was no benefit in upsetting him.
But even knowing that, he couldn’t bring himself to step away.
In the end, Fenrir turned back.
“Since I’m on my way to see His Highness anyway, I’ll ask him to send for a physician.”
“Don’t trouble yourself unnecessarily. I’m fine.”
“It’s only a few words — surely that won’t be a problem.”
“If I’m truly unwell, I’ll call the physician myself.”
Alicia forced herself to hide her impatience, raising the corners of her lips into a small smile.
“Am I not allowed to let anyone know that you’re unwell?”
“It’s not that you’re not allowed — it’s just that I’m not actually unwell.”
“Then there shouldn’t be a problem with calling the physician, right? A check-up is more for prevention than for treatment.”
“I simply don’t want to create unnecessary trouble.”
Alicia’s eyelashes trembled slightly.
“It’s not troublesome — it’s important. I have to make your safety my top priority, my lady.”
“Is my safety really important to you, Sir?”
“Yes. It’s important. That was the condition set by His Highness.”
“…You mean His Highness set such a condition?”
“Yes. I’ve heard he would give anything for my lady. And I would give anything for my country.”
“...”
“I am in a position where I must do everything, even the smallest things, for my lady’s safety.”
Fenrir placed his hand on his chest and slightly bowed his head in a gesture of respect. Alicia hesitated, then spoke again.
“Even if it goes against my will?”
“I’m trying to gain sympathy. If this can earn His Highness’s favour, it will surely help Roaquin.”
“Sympathy?”
“Roaquin is a barren land. Countless people die there every day.”
“Are you telling me to feel sympathy for people whose faces I don’t even know?”
“The small kindness my lady shows will be like rain for Roaquin.”
Fenrir smiled warmly, but Alicia frowned.
“You must think I look well-off enough to offer my sympathy.”
“If you are someone Grand Duke of Schwarhan wishes to protect, people naturally assume you must be well-off.”
“That’s prejudice.”
“Prejudice? My lady, do you even know how much the dress you’re wearing costs?”
“I don’t know.”
Alicia shook her head firmly.
“You’re confident.”
“There’s no need to pretend I know what I don’t. And, above all, just because I am that way doesn’t give you any reason to scold me.”
Alicia looked up at Fenrir steadily.
Fenrir’s lips trembled.
It was the kind of situation where emotions could be stirred, yet Alicia’s gaze was as calm and serene as a placid lake, and for some reason, it made him feel suffocated.
“I believe kindness is something the giver offers voluntarily, not something you can impose on others just because you think you deserve it.”
“...”
“I’m no saint. And my situation isn’t good enough for me to be considerate or look out for anyone.”
"…It’s not good, you say?"
“Whether one deserves the Grand Duke of Schwarhan’s protection is ultimately a matter of personal judgment. It’s no different from taking a part and calling it a whole.”
The woman’s gaze was almost too straight and unwavering.
Fenrir’s throat bobbed.
At a glance, she looked like nothing more than a delicate woman who might topple at the slightest touch.
Strangely, he couldn’t shake the feeling that she wasn’t someone to underestimate.
“...I’ve lost.”
Fenrir raised both hands, palms open, in a gesture of surrender.
“You haven’t lost to me; you just think differently.”
“...My lady, you make me feel embarrassed.”
“Me?”
“Yes. To be honest, I underestimated you, my lady. I thought I could persuade you with just a few words and win you over to our side.”
Fenrir ruffled his hair with a rough, careless gesture.
His informal demeanour didn’t look very noble, but it wasn’t unpleasant.
The young man’s smile was bright enough to form deep dimples. Though large in build, he still had a youthful look that brought to mind an innocent child.
“You’re far too honest.”
“I’m always honest with those I like.”
“Pardon?”
"My line of work requires a certain wit with words, so if I don’t act this way, it’s hard to earn the other person’s trust. It’s become a kind of habit for me."
“Ah…”
Was it too much to think that the woman with her eyes wide open looked cute?
Fenrir chuckled softly as he watched Alicia blink.
At first, he only thought she resembled Princess Neustein, but after talking with her, he grew to like her even more.
“Not that I’m bragging, but I have a keen eye. I can tell right away when someone harbours dark intentions.”
“...”
“Of course, it would be a lie to say my judgment wasn’t tinged with personal feelings since you reminded me of someone I know.”
“Come to think of it, before…”
A faint crease formed on Alicia’s smooth brow.
“You resemble my fiancée, my lady.”
“Fiancée?”
“Actually, it wasn’t even a proper engagement, and to be honest, I’m not sure if she even remembers me. And…”
Fenrir stopped mid-sentence and just smiled.
It was better not to say what came next.
Now that he was allied with Cabelenus, bringing up Neustein was a delicate matter.
Even if she resembled the young princess, that was all there was to it.
There was no reason to stir up trouble unnecessarily.
Doubting Cabelenus’s true intentions, he had used that as an excuse to retrace Princess Neustein’s footsteps — but it was more hope than expectation.
The princess’s death had long been confirmed, and he knew from the start that the thought of Neustein’s youngest princess still being alive was nothing more than wishful thinking.
But now, it was time to let even that hope slowly fade.
There was too much on his shoulders for him to cling solely to the hope he’d once abandoned in a corner.
‘From the start, it’s contradictory to talk about guilt while holding the hand of the murderer who killed her.’
The dead could do nothing.
Death was the end, and attaching meaning to it was foolish.
Unlike the dead, the living had to keep living.
For that reason, Fenrir forced a smile onto his lips.
“Oh, come to think of it, I still haven’t heard your name, my lady.”
“My name?”
“I only told you my name before, and that was the end of it, wasn’t it?”
“...”
“Or, shall we do it this way? If you tell me your name, I won’t mention it to His Highness.”
Fenrir’s eyes sparkled as he nodded.
“Didn’t you say you needed to win His Highness’s favour?”
“I want to win your favour as well, my lady.”
“Even if you try to win my favour, it won’t do you any good.”
Alicia fidgeted with her fingertips.
"I'd like to think that my lady has her reasons for deliberately staying silent…but no. To be honest, it’s more because of my own selfishness.”
“Selfishness?”
“I want to treat you well, my lady.”
“Is it because I resemble that fiancée of yours?”
“Yes.”
At the immediate reply, Alicia stared intently at Fenrir.
She could tell at once, being familiar with the gaze that looked at someone through her.
What briefly passed through the man’s eyes was guilt.
So she couldn’t bring herself to ask any further.
Alicia hesitated for a moment, then spoke carefully.
“...Alicia.”
“Alicia?”
“My name — it’s Alicia.”
Her voice was neither loud nor soft. It was calm and measured, yet its impact was great.
Fenrir clenched his fists tightly, thankful he hadn’t shouted out at that moment.
“That name is definitely….”
‘Are you really Princess Neustein?’
Fenrir barely swallowed the words that were about to escape.
With just a few questions, he could quickly reveal if she really was Princess Neustein.
But he didn’t have the heart to confirm the truth.
There was a high chance she didn’t know of his existence, and, above all, what was the point of saying anything now?
At a time when building a relationship with Cabelenus was important, bringing up some stale old story would only provoke his resentment. It was better to let old things be buried by the passage of time.
Yet despite that, his eyes were drawn to her.
The memory, handled so much that it was covered in grime, had become something even he could no longer recognise.
Just because they resembled each other, he had wavered and clung to a futile hope. But now, thinking that hope might actually become reality, his world went even darker.
It was as if he had gone back to those days.
Those days when he saw a child being beaten, but couldn’t bring himself to step forward and only hid.
Fenrir clenched his fists with force.
He thought things would be better once he grew up, but nothing had changed.
Though he had tried to live earnestly in his own way, he was still immature, and whether then or now, he could do nothing but stand rooted to the spot, helplessly frozen in place.
“Alicia.”
At that moment, a low voice spoke from behind.
“Your Highness.”
“I thought you were taking too long, so I came out, and it seems you were having a chat here.”
“It is an honour that Your Grace, the Grand Duke, has come in person rather than send a servant.”
Fenrir, having spotted Cabelenus, corrected his expression — albeit belatedly.
“I thought I’d take this chance to see you one more time.”
Cabelenus’s gaze passed over Fenrir and naturally settled on Alicia.
“Am I not even visible to you?”
“If it had been only you, I would have sent a servant.”
Cabelenus replied matter-of-factly.
“So you really have no intention of hiding it at all."
“Because I don’t feel the need to hide it.”
He said one thing, but his body was already out here.
Fenrir clicked his tongue inwardly as he saw Cabelenus somehow wedge himself between him and Alicia.
The man, wearing a faint smile, showed no sign of hiding his feelings, as if he knew no shame.
If anything, he seemed almost eager to express his emotions toward the woman.
To exaggerate a little, he seemed less like the Wolf of Schwarhan and more like a dog wagging its tail at the sight of its master.
‘If the Grand Duke is the dog, then conversely, the one who is the dog’s master would be…’
Fenrir raised one eyebrow slightly as he watched Alicia push Cabelenus aside.
Though it seemed impossible that Alicia could move Cabelenus, no matter how hard she tried, she managed to push him aside with unexpected ease.
The man, who normally seemed unbearably arrogant, now appeared humbled in front of the woman.
That alone was enough.
Their relationship was obvious, even without any explanation.
And with that, his once-chaotic thoughts were neatly put in order.
There was no place for him to fit in between them.
Bringing up old stories and hoping she would recognise him was, in the end, just his own selfish desire.
‘Honestly, it would be a lie if I said I wasn’t tempted.’
Even though he didn’t know if she was really Princess Neustein, he was oddly drawn to her.
If they took their time and got closer, their relationship might turn into something beyond what he had imagined.
‘Still, I have to sort this out.’
Fenrir shoved his hand deep into his pocket.
Part of the reason he wanted to meet Princess Neustein was to properly come to terms with his long-standing feelings.
After all, any problem in the world could only be truly resolved once the right answer was found.
However, seeing the two of them, the first thought that came to him was that it might be better to just pretend not to notice.
Because if his feelings ever started to drift in another direction, he felt he might end up wanting to force his way into that gap, no matter what.
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