“...Are you okay?”
After Alicia’s crying subsided, Cabelenus offered her a glass of water.
Perched on the bed, Alicia looked up at Cabelenus, her eyes shimmering with tears.
The man’s shoulders were soaked through.
"I'm sorry for showing you such a pathetic side of me."
"You don’t need to apologise to me."
“...”
"Can I ask what happened?"
Instead of answering, Alicia lowered her head.
As a result, the tears that had gathered at the corners of her eyes ran down her cheeks and fell into the glass.
“It’s nothing.”
“Really?”
“Yes.”
"If you want me to turn a blind eye, I’ll gladly do so."
Cabelenus pulled up a chair and sat facing Alicia.
Then, without saying a word, he simply watched her quietly.
Even with her head bowed, Alicia fidgeted with her fingertips, feeling the piercing gaze on her.
And so, silence settled between the two of them.
“...”
“...”
“…I should head back now. Michael might have woken up.”
Alicia adjusted her expression and stood up from her seat.
Cabelenus rose to his feet, following her without a word.
“I’ll go check.”
"Michael needs me. If I’m not there, he’ll cry."
"You don’t want Michael to know that you cried, right?"
“...”
"From your face — anyone can see that you've been crying. Your eyes are red, and your face is swollen."
Cabelenus lightly tapped his own face with his fingertips.
"But Michael always comes looking for me whenever he wakes up—"
"The book said that he’s at the age where he can start sleeping alone."
"…The book?"
Alicia furrowed her brow reflexively, unable to understand the words she had just heard.
But Cabelenus, nodding lightly, was utterly nonchalant.
“I mean the parenting book.”
“...”
"What? Is it wrong to read something like that?"
“No. Of course not.”
Alicia gave an awkward smile.
“You look quite surprised for someone who says that.”
"…Honestly, I didn’t expect you to read a book like that."
“If there’s something you don’t know, it’s only natural to learn.”
“...”
What he said was true, but it felt strange coming from Cabelenus.
Even if she tried to let her imagination run wild, the rough hands of the man in front of her seemed better suited for a sword than a book.
Let alone imagining him reading a parenting book — it was even harder to picture.
“I know that too. Doing this doesn’t mean I can behave like an ordinary father.”
“...An ordinary father?”
“You know. I’m not normal.”
“...”
“I still have no intention of just leaving him be. Since I’ve decided to raise him as my son, I won’t do it halfheartedly — I’ll do everything I can.”
Alicia’s pupils flickered at the sight of Cabelenus nodding so matter-of-factly.
Cabelenus was putting in much more effort than she had expected.
And…
“...What does it mean to be a normal parent?”
“To raise him properly?”
“What does it mean to raise him properly?”
“To feed and clothe him until he becomes an adult… hmm…”
Cabelenus couldn’t continue and rested his chin on his hand.
Looking back, he had never really thought about what it meant to be a normal parent.
He had simply thought that, because he was different from ordinary people, he couldn’t become a normal parent.
“…Honestly, I’m not really sure.”
In the end, Cabelenus let out a short sigh.
“Then what about me?”
“You?”
“What kind of mother do I seem to be?”
“You seem like you’re doing your best.”
“Is that all? Have you ever thought that something might be strange about me?”
He couldn’t understand why Alicia was asking such a question.
But he couldn’t turn away from a woman whose face looked like she might cry at any moment.
“To be honest, I thought you were a little over the top.”
“Over the top?”
“Of course, I’m not saying it necessarily looked bad. You were a rather exceptional case. Michael was a special child, and I was there too… no, what I mean is…”
Alicia’s expression twisted even more than before, and Cabelenus anxiously bit his lip.
“…Honestly, I don’t know what it means to be a normal parent. But at least, in my eyes, you were a proper mother.”
Even at this very moment, she was thinking about Michael.
Cabelenus gave a wry smile.
Alicia stared up at him blankly.
Then, she slowly parted her tightly closed lips.
“…I’ve heard something like that.”
"What do you mean?"
“They say I’m not normal.”
“Normal?”
“I’m desperate for affection, so I’m drawn to someone who can give me unconditional love. What I feel isn’t love.”
Alicia smiled, but her eyes were brimming with tears.
“I pretended not to show it on the outside, but honestly, hearing that made my throat choke up. Deep down, it stung.”
“...”
"I’ve always thought of myself as strange. I don’t even know if I’m a good mother to Michael. The parents I know either use their children when it suits them or simply sacrifice themselves for them."
“...”
"So I tried even harder. I kept putting in effort, over and over, pouring all my emotions into it. But the moment I heard those words, my mind went completely blank."
A hollow laugh escaped from Alicia’s lips.
"Honestly, it’s true. From my mother to you, and from you to Michael — I’ve always needed someone I could give my affection to."
Could that really be considered normal?
Alicia’s shoulders trembled like the damp wings of a dragonfly.
Cabelenus watched the scene and then took a step forward.
"Then what’s considered normal?"
“Huh?”
"You must have your own idea of what ‘normal’ looks like."
“That’s…”
Alicia’s lips quivered.
"You can’t say it, can you?"
“...”
“I felt the same way when you asked. Without even knowing what counts as normal, I just assumed I was naturally different from everyone else.”
“...”
"I just thought from the start that it wouldn’t work. I naturally excluded myself, believing that I could never fit within the category of ordinary people."
Cabelenus’s hand brushed Alicia’s dishevelled hair back behind her ear.
Even the small ear that peeked out from between her hair was trembling along with her body.
"Perhaps, you and I might have more similarities than we realise."
"…Are you saying I’m like you?"
"Of course, you’re much better than me."
“...”
“I don’t think you’re strange."
The sensation of his calloused hand brushing against her earlobe felt odd.
Alicia unconsciously avoided Cabelenus’s gaze.
"I have no talent for comfort. And since I, too, consider myself not normal, I have no right to say whether you are normal or not."
“...”
"However, Gazeff said this: Michael grew up remarkably well, almost unbelievably so."
“...”
"Michael said the same. That you’re the best mother in the world."
Cabelenus slowly brushed Alicia’s tears away. She stood there, dazed, letting out a fragile breath.
“I don’t know the standard for being a proper parent. But I’ve never thought of you as a bad mother.”
"…Why is that?"
"If you were a bad mother, Michael wouldn’t be able to smile so brightly."
“...”
“I don’t think the love that raised a child like him was wrong.”
A child’s face didn’t lie.
Michael was a child who clearly grew up surrounded by love.
“…Then, does Michael seem to have grown up well in your eyes?”
"He’s grown up exceptionally well."
Thinking of Michael, who had smiled so brightly today that all his teeth showed, Cabelenus smiled faintly.
“Don’t be too hard on yourself. Honestly, you were in a situation where anyone would have done the same.”
"…You think it was understandable?"
“Yes. It was only natural. Your mother who was the only one to comfort you amidst the abuse; the man who had seemed like a saviour, avenging your mother in her place; even your one and only blood relative in the world — they were all people worthy of meaning and emotion, weren’t they?"
Alicia didn’t know what expression to make, so she just fidgeted with her fingertips.
Cabelenus reached out and placed Alicia’s small hand onto his palm.
“When you think about it, you’re rather hard on yourself. Did you know that?”
"What do you mean?"
“If, above all, you only wanted someone to fill the emptiness inside you, then eight years ago, you wouldn’t have been able to speak up to me to save Michael.”
He knew that digging up the past wouldn’t do him any good.
Even so, Cabelenus continued in a calm, steady voice.
“People often say that too much love can be toxic. But the heart doesn’t always follow our will, does it?”
"..."
“The feelings you held weren’t wrong. You were simply more desperate than most, which made them all the more precious.”
“That’s how I see it.”
At Cabelenus’s last words, Alicia finally broke down.
She collapsed to the floor like a child, crying her heart out.
・・・・・
"Mum, I’m just so…."
The child, who had been burrowing through the blanket with chubby hands without even opening their eyes, froze for a moment.
No matter how far he reached out, he couldn’t feel the warmth that should have come naturally.
Flustered, Michael stayed still for a moment before struggling to lift his heavy eyelids.
Confirming whether his mother was there mattered more than the drowsiness washing over him.
“Mum?”
At the lack of a reply, focus returned to the child’s drowsy, sleep-blurred eyes.
Michael rubbed his eyes and quickly sat up.
It wasn’t an illusion.
The mother who should have been beside him was nowhere to be found.
Michael’s face quickly crumpled into tears as he crawled across the bed, searching for his mother.
But no matter how he lifted the blanket or turned his head this way and that, there wasn’t the slightest sign of his mother.
"…Mum isn’t here."
In the end, Michael couldn’t bear his mother’s absence and whimpered as he climbed down from the bed.
But even so, the situation didn’t change much.
His mother was still nowhere to be found in the room.
Michael swallowed back a sob that seemed ready to burst at any moment and walked toward the firmly closed door.
Gulp—.
Michael looked at the doorknob and swallowed.
The doorknob, just out of reach unless he stood on tiptoes, had been tugged at dozens of times each day since he arrived at Schwarhan, but facing it at night felt oddly frightening.
The wolf engraved on the doorknob seemed as if it could leap out at any moment and attack him.
"I can’t be scared. I have to find Mum."
Michael muttered to himself as he gripped the doorknob tightly.
To the child, the absence of his mother was scarier than the darkness surrounding him.
Of course, that didn’t mean he wasn’t afraid of the dark.
Creeeak—.
Michael took a deep breath as he looked at the hallway through the gap of the open door.
Along the walls, lights made of magic stones were installed here and there, but they weren't very bright.
If anything, the flickering shadows cast by the lights only added to the eerie atmosphere.
Michael hesitated, unsure whether to go or not, then carefully stepped forward.
And only after turning his head for a long while to survey his surroundings did he finally manage to move at a proper pace.
"I'm not scared. Not even a little bit."
Michael hurried forward, repeating the same words like a spell.
Even after only a few steps, the child’s heart was already pounding as if he had been running.
“I need to find Mum quickly…”
Suddenly, Michael’s eyes widened.
He froze in place, his lips opening and closing like a goldfish.
It was fleeting, but it felt as if he had just heard a strange sound.
"I-I must have misheard, right?"
Michael's eyes darted around nervously as he quickly scanned his surroundings.
Fortunately, the sound didn’t seem to come again.
Only then did Michael let out a sigh of relief and slump his shoulders.
It was then.
Kriiiiiiiiiiiik—!
Michael’s legs gave out, and he sank to the floor.
He wanted to brush it off as a trick of his ears again, but the sound from just moments ago had been far too clear.
And above all, it was so bizarre that once heard, it seemed impossible to forget.
At times, it sounded like metal being scraped, at others like a beast’s cry, and yet another like the screams of people.
Michael couldn’t even scream; he just trembled uncontrollably.
Even though there was clearly nothing around, a strange sound kept coming from somewhere.
“M-Mum…”
Michael raised his trembling hands and barely managed to cover his ears.
But even then, the sound didn’t subside.
In fact, it was drawing closer and closer.
Unable to overcome his fear, Michael squeezed his eyes shut.
The child’s face had turned so pale it was almost pitiful to look at.
It was at that moment.
“Michael?”
A familiar voice came from behind him.
But Michael didn’t hear anything.
He was simply covering his ears, tears streaming down his face.
The eerie sound still echoed around the child’s ears.
"Hng… sniff, sniff…"
“...Michael?”
“Ah…”
Only when warmth touched his shoulder did Michael realise someone was there and open his eyes.
In the child’s glossy, bead-like eyes, a familiar face was reflected.
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