・・・・・
As I expected, Benjamin did not interfere with the genre of the circus performances intended for the public. When Lucas decided to personally sponsor the artists, Benjamin willingly handed the choice over to him, allowing him the freedom to proceed as he wished.
In fact, Benjamin must have sensed this to some extent. As a member of royalty, and especially as a crown prince who had spent his life giving orders, it was obvious that Lucas would feel dissatisfied with being manipulated within the palm of someone else's hand. Therefore, it was likely that Benjamin calculated it would be best to allow him the freedom to make those minor decisions.
In any case, it was said that Lucas's discomfort was somewhat eased thanks to what he heard from Cedric. He invited talented individuals from all fields of art — whether it was literature, music, visual arts, or theatre — to the Imperial Palace.
By now, it was probably clear that ‘surprisingly’ Lucas was quite well-versed in the arts, befitting his royal status, and he genuinely enjoyed them too. If I hadn't read the description of that part in the original beforehand, I would never have believed it, but it was true. Perhaps it was due to the limited entertainment options available to the nobility in this world, which mainly revolved around literature, music, and theatre.
"Oh… It went something like this."
I sifted through my memories and tinkled on the piano. It was a Beethoven sonata that anyone in the modern world would recognise the moment they heard it. Upon hearing my clumsy performance — which was akin to poorly made rice cakes [1] — the musicians immediately understood, exchanged a few words, and began to doodle bean sprout heads on the manuscript paper. Watching them work never ceased to fascinate me.
‘They say it's called perfect pitch.’
I hadn’t expected much from the people Martina had hired for me, but I was pleasantly surprised to find they were exceptionally skilled, even though their names weren’t widely recognised. Why would I mention Martina here? Well, after the original story concluded, I went to Martina directly and spoke with her.
I offered her something that, while uncertain, could potentially hold value: all the knowledge I possessed from my original world, including its art. From the very first time Martina met me, she consistently heard about ideas with investment potential from me. As my predictions repeatedly proved accurate, it seemed she began investing while keeping her identity hidden from that point onward. Perhaps that was why she had already established considerable influence across various industries and was referred to as a ‘major player’ in those circles.
”Thanks to you, I’ve made a fortune, so let me repay the favour this time."
Martina enthusiastically supported my artistic — or rather, plagiaristic — activities.
"You're a genius!"
"How on earth did you create such a melody?! It’s like a full moon reflected on the surface of a lake."
"It sounds like a sonata of love. I can almost sense a longing in the melody — a desire to be with a beloved for all eternity."
But hearing words like this only filled me with immense guilt. Nevertheless, this was all part of the groundwork for trapping the Three Useless Brothers! Once we brought them down, I would obliterate all the plagiarised works that had been mechanically churned out and erase them as if they never existed!
“Will my lady not include her name this time as well?”
"...Absolutely not. Please list the composer under the name 'Bathoven.'"
I said, rubbing my guilty conscience with my palm.
・・・・・
My deep interest in literature allowed me to somehow tap into and extract my memories from that world.
I had a vivid recollection of the plot and was aware of various famous lines that continue to be quoted to this day.
But when it came to music, I had only memorised a few pieces of sheet music. I was a complete novice in composition, so I had no choice but to rely on others for help with everything from start to finish.
Moreover, my memory was beginning to hit its limits...
I rested my head lazily on the grand piano, mindlessly pressing the keys. Felix, who had quietly approached, tilted his head and inquired.
“Can you play the piano?”
"Well..."
Typically, nobles learnt at least one musical instrument as a basic part of their education. However, it would be quite odd for Viscount Amber's daughter, Irene, who couldn't even afford to attend the academy, to know how to play the piano. Recently, I'd been making it pretty obvious that I wasn't from this world, yet I decided not to bring it up with Felix and changed the subject.
"What about Fel?"
“I have learned it.”
"That's a rather ambiguous answer.”
He placed his fingers on the key beside the one I was pressing. As he applied pressure, a faint crack appeared on the pristine white surface. The sound that followed was like the anguished cry of the piano itself.
"I quite enjoyed it. The feeling of gently caressing the piano... Somehow, it brought me a sense of comfort.”
"Is that so?"
"Yes."
Felix gazed down at his hand in silence. I instinctively took hold of his hand and asked.
"Do you need comfort?"
I was still resting my head against the piano. I only moved my eyes to look up at Felix. He muttered, "Comfort..." before looking down at me and responding.
"I can’t say for sure."
“Do I need it?” Felix whispered as if asking himself.
As midnight approached, a few flickering candles on the podium swayed precariously in the darkness. After briefly fixing his gaze on them, he murmured.
"I need comfort right now."
I couldn't spend precious time with Felix because I was preoccupied with the thought of getting rid of those annoying idiots. I would have to retract what I said about it being fortunate that Felix occupied the day and Larry occupied the night. Unlike the disconnected life I used to lead, I now had to meet and interact with various people during the day, whether I wanted to or not.
At night, I was relatively free compared to the daytime, so maybe it would have been better if Felix's time was at night. Though, I wouldn’t have slept much, spending time idly chatting and hanging out with him ― but such thoughts were ultimately pointless. It was as meaningless as yearning for winter on a hot summer day and longing for summer on a cold winter day. I wanted to spend all day with Felix. And that was probably what Felix himself desired most as well.
What would it feel like if your body was not entirely your own? It must be utterly devastating and horrifying to have to entrust half of your time to another, especially to the thief who had stolen what was rightfully yours. That was why I decided not to say anything.
Felix slowly leaned his face closer to mine. He came so close that our breaths intertwined. His lips barely brushed my cheek. Then, Felix blew gently toward the candles on the platform behind me. With that, we were enveloped in complete darkness.
"Comfort me?"
Even though he had lost his emotions, he still asked in a voice filled with kindness, as if it were a habit. His rough palm, having relaxed its strength as much as possible, lightly cupped my cheek. He caressed it with a cautious movement as if he were afraid it might break, but in an instant, a warm, ragged breath quickly landed on my forehead. It brushed past the bridge of my nose and lightly touched my upper lip.
"No, not this kind of comfort. Of course, this kind of comfort is nice too, but..."
I cleared my throat awkwardly and continued.
"I don’t think it’s the right time. The devil will awaken soon after midnight."
"Ah... that's right."
Every time Felix's breath brushed against my ear, a chill ran through my body. With a firm grip on the hem of his clothes, I tugged him onto the piano bench beside me. He willingly complied with my feeble tug and settled onto the chair, gazing at me intently. His piercing gaze felt blatant, like sharp needles.
"Irene, I..."
Felix trailed off, taking a deep breath before finishing his thought.
“...If I could, I would want to tear the devil out from within me."
And in the breath he exhaled, he spoke words laced with hatred. His voice carried a tone that suggested if souls had physical forms, Felix would have already ripped the devil out. I turned to Felix, my eyes wide with surprise. His blue eyes, reminiscent of a wild beast at times, gleamed brightly in the darkness.
Yet, despite that intensity, he neither lashed out nor succumbed to madness, remaining calm and composed. It was a hatred that burned quietly and intensely, like molten lava coursing beneath the hard ground.
"Of course. You can definitely do that. Once we find a way to safely separate Fel and the devil’s soul, it will be done in no time.”
Would it be rude to say that I was glad he could now feel something beyond fear and loss in this situation?
"Even if the devil loves me, I will never reciprocate it. But since he occupies half of Fel’s body, he has no choice but to stay in the same space as me."
Not only would I not accept his feelings, but I wouldn’t even give them a passing glance. Even if it became clear one day that the devil's love did not originate from Felix, I would never acknowledge it. And if I ever came to terms with it, my only question would be, 'So what? You love me — what difference does it make?’
“Sometimes, when it becomes unbearable, you might spit out cruel words, and you might even do something worse than using the love you received as a weapon to tear apart their soul.”
I had already crossed that line once and promised myself I would never do it again. But the heart did not always obey our intentions. As an ordinary human being, I was not cold or calculating enough to sever my feelings like a blade. When it came to Felix, I found myself even more susceptible to emotion.
"Will that bring you even a little bit of comfort?"
When I asked if he would do that as revenge on the devil that stole his emotions, Felix fell silent, lost in thought.
“...I don’t know. I don’t think it would bring me any joy.”
It wasn’t long before he provided his answer. Naturally, I knew Felix wouldn’t say something like, ‘Ah, how satisfying! Let the devil suffer in a hellish existence for all eternity.’ But still, my heart raced with foolish hope as I asked.
"Then what?"
"Perhaps it would be best to eliminate the devil entirely, so he can forget everything and finally find peace."
It was similar to saying he would kill a suffering mouse with a broken leg to end its pain but different. It was more like when he had cleanly killed the assassin who once tried to murder him. To say something like that about the devil he hated... It was clear. Slowly, very slowly, Felix was regaining his emotions and a sense of his former self. I felt a flicker of joy but quickly masked it with a bittersweet smile.
"Actually, I felt the same way. Seeing him cry because of my words didn't make me feel very comfortable."
I was angry at how he was making me feel like a bad person, and I wanted to hit him, but at the same time, I felt completely deflated. If he were as shameless as the 'Three Idiots' and didn’t recognise the wrongs he had committed, I wouldn’t have felt any guilt at all.
"Let me ask again. Do you need comfort?"
My eyes had adjusted to the darkness, allowing me to see Felix’s expression clearly. His innocent blink stood in stark contrast to the sultry aura he had exuded earlier. Once, when I asked him if he felt sad, he told me he had lost that emotion but found the sense of loss to be horribly unsettling.
"When you lose something precious, you quickly feel a sense of loss, and the word 'sadness' expresses that feeling."
"In fact, there are various philosophical theories about human emotions, but defining them precisely is quite challenging. Emotions are subjective, and even the feeling of sadness consists of multiple intertwined elements, much like a tangled thread."
"The sense of loss..."
Was he recalling the tears that the devil stole? Felix echoed my words but ultimately sat there expressionless, unable to grasp their meaning.
"Musical instruments are excellent tools for expressing emotions."
As I spoke, I took Felix's hands, which rested quietly on his lap, and placed it on the piano keys. Then I slid my hands beneath his.
"Here, let me support your hands so the keys don’t break."
"You’ll get hurt."
"Fel can simply rest his hands here."
Felix gently brushed the back of my hands beneath his, as if he was about to grip it, but then relaxed. My relatively small hands seemed completely covered by his. After a moment of contemplation, I began to play a part of Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata — the same piece the musicians had praised earlier — very slowly. Of course, I wasn’t some musical genius who could pour my emotions into a performance and express them flawlessly. I was merely focused on following the notes. But I hoped that as he caressed the piano, he could feel some semblance of comfort.
Every time I pressed the piano keys, his fingertips twitched. Then he intertwined his hands with mine and slowly began to navigate the keys on his own. It was a very slow performance in largo.
"What piece is this?"
When I asked, he responded.
“Tears and Comfort.”
If that was the case, it seemed like this might have been one of his favourite pieces. The lyrical melody filled the space. My playing was almost a mess, but beneath it, I could sense the sadness and anxiety. Felix suddenly stopped playing and said:
"Actually, this is a bit hard."
"Why?"
"I don’t know what to do when Irene acts like this."
A droplet fell on the back of his hand and the piano key. When I looked up to check, it was sweat dripping from Felix’s forehead. He seemed to be trying very hard not to crush my hands, gritting his teeth with effort. I glanced down at my hands for a moment. Somehow, one of my nails had chipped, and I quickly curled my fingers to hide it before Felix could notice.
“Do you feel burdened?”
When I asked him if he wanted me to stop, he shook his head.
"Of course not."
"If you’re confused about what to do, I’d suggest you just do as you wish."
“...As I wish?”
Felix muttered that and looked down at me, checked the clock on the wall, glanced out the window for a moment, and then looked back at me.
"I don’t think that’s quite right."
What could he possibly want to do?
"I suppose I should figure out how to deal with the devil first."
So did that mean he’d do what he wanted if the devil was gone? Well, since the devil would wake up soon, there wasn’t really much we could do anyway. I didn’t know what it was, but I nodded and said it didn’t matter.
"Then, please call me Rin."
I demanded it while quickly linking my arm with his, just like I did when I asked Felix to compliment me or tell me I looked pretty.
"Rin."
Felix obediently followed my request but subtly furrowed his brow on his otherwise expressionless face.
“Rin’s words don’t always provide a solution. They just make me feel even weirder.”
I let out a small laugh at those words. Even while saying he was dissatisfied, he still called me Rin.
"Then, can you just tell me I’m lovely instead?"
Translator's Corner:
[1] Referring to something as 개떡 (gaeddeok) translates to "dog food" or "badly made rice cake." It’s often used to describe something of poor quality.
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