・・・・・
Felix, who had been swapped with Ilypia’s doll, returned. The afternoon was dim, with dusk just settling in. I greeted him with a bright smile and pulled him into a tight embrace as he stepped off the carriage, making sure to avoid drawing attention from onlookers.
"I have eagerly been waiting for spring to come, but now I wish it were winter."
"Why?"
"Well, that’s because the sun sets earlier."
That way, I could spend more time with Felix. I said this as I burrowed into his embrace as if feeling the chill of the warm spring. Since he couldn’t hold me as tightly as he wished, I made sure to embrace him with all my strength whenever we met, as if to make up for it.
Felix cupped the back of my head, then slowly removed his hand and played with my hair instead. Perhaps he did that because no matter how hard he gripped my hair, it wouldn’t cause any sensation unless he pulled it forcefully. If that made him feel more at ease, I would go along with it, but I couldn’t help feeling a bit disappointed. It didn’t matter if I got hurt because I could just get treatment afterwards.
"No, you can’t."
‘...Did I just say that out loud?’
As I opened my eyes wide and raised my head, he gently stroked my cheek with the back of his hand, which seemed to have relatively less strength, and spoke.
“What I felt most strongly while being with Rin all this time is...”
Felix looked down at my broken fingernail that still hadn't healed and said.
“It’s harder for me to be the one who hurts the cat than to see it come back injured from someplace unknown.”
I instinctively curled my fingers into a fist to hide them, then paused for a moment and tilted my head. A cat?
"I think I might be able to find a way. Just wait a little longer."
"What? What do you mean..."
I just felt a strong sense of déjà vu from Felix's tone. It was the same voice that vividly brought back the memory of that morning when he casually said he would accept death and embrace the devil. I urgently grabbed the hem of his clothes, anger flashing across my face.
“I told you, Fel. You don’t have the right to suffer alone — it feels like my heart is going to shatter if you do.”
His eyes widened as if surprised, and then he slowly nodded.
"Never, absolutely never try to bear it all alone or sacrifice yourself."
“Okay, I understand.”
“Though it wasn’t my intention, now that you’re assimilated with the devil, I want you to at least embrace your selfishness. It would be better that way.”
“Selfishness,” Felix murmured, echoing my words, and then his expression shifted as if he had just realised something.
"Ah, not wanting to be selfish was, in itself, my selfishness."
“...”
Oh dear, Felix. With a perplexed expression that left me unable to laugh or cry, I gently bumped my head against his chest.
"...That's right."
As expected, the fact that he hadn’t changed at all filled me with joy, knowing he would soon regain his conviction. Yet, at the same time, I couldn’t help but feel a pang of sadness at the realisation that nothing had changed. He was a noble soul that even the devil couldn’t corrupt...
"Actually, I think I haven't been feeling very good lately."
But then Felix suddenly revealed a glimpse of the emotions he seemed to have been repressing for a long time. I gasped, swallowing hard.
"In what way have you been feeling unwell?"
“Well...”
Felix seemed lost in thought for a moment, his eyes half-lowered. First of all, he felt sick... He began to list the sensations he experienced in quite specific detail.
"It was both distressing and painful, but overall, I felt a destructive and intense impulse that was paralysing to all my thoughts."
His description was quite specific.
"Did you feel angry?"
"Anger... Yes, that seems to be the case."
Of course, it was always nice to discover new emotions that he hadn't felt before! But who dared teach our Felix the emotion of anger?
“Who was it? Who made you feel that way?”
I spoke menacingly as if I would instantly rush over, eliminate whoever it was, and bury them without a second thought the moment he mentioned their name. At that instance, Felix looked down at me intently. He looked at me, specifically.
“...”
Me?
When I pointed to myself, he met my gaze with his blue eyes without answering. It seemed that I had indeed guessed correctly. Wh-why me? Had I unknowingly committed a huge mistake against Felix?
I wondered if he was saying 'I haven't been feeling very good' in the same way he had previously complimented me by calling me pretty or lovely. But judging by his expression, that didn’t seem to be the case. I secretly hoped it wasn’t true, but he genuinely appeared to be angry! Felix pulled me away from his embrace, grabbing my shoulder and looking at my tearful expression with indifference.
"I didn’t want to act selfishly, nor did I even consider it."
"Yes..."
“But since Rin said all that, can I just say something?”
The tone was polite, yet I couldn’t shake the feeling that it sounded frightening. For some reason, I felt compelled to clasp my hands together and lower my head, so I did. Felix was not the type to get angry without a good reason. I believed that his true nature remained the same even if he had changed a little. I didn’t know what it was, but I was certain I had done something seriously wrong.
‘P-please proceed.’
Then, as if urging me to meet his gaze, he cupped my face, lifted my chin, and spoke.
"It seems you've been calling that devil 'Larry' for quite some time."
‘Larry, why are you suddenly popping up now?’
"How did you know...?"
Puzzled, I blinked in surprise and replied absentmindedly. But when I noticed Felix's expression darken even further, I quickly fell silent. Until that moment, Felix had been completely unaware, but now, with Larry and Felix representing such starkly opposing sides, communication between them would be impossible, right?
I knew that asking how he figured it out at this moment would only backfire, but really... how did he really find out?
‘Could it be that what you said earlier is about this?’
Did he communicate with that jerk, Larry, again by choosing to let him gnaw at his soul? I had a feeling that was exactly what he did! Oh, come on! I just told him not to do that!
"Does that even matter?"
“A-ah, no.”
But I had no right to question him in detail. My fault was glaringly obvious.
“Why did you do that?”
I tensed up and assumed a rigid stance as I mumbled.
"Well, that's..."
“That’s?”
Felix asked back, copying my tone exactly. There seemed to be a hint of laughter in his voice, but his cold expression led me to believe it was just my imagination.
The name "Larry" was one I chose thoughtlessly, without any real significance, so I had nothing to say about it. I needed a name to call the devil, but I couldn’t refer to it as "Leraze’s Fragment." Back then, I simply blurted out the first name that came to mind.
“...For convenience?”
If I had known it would turn out like this, I should have shortened it to ‘Le-fra’ [1] instead of the classy name Larry. If I had just called it the ‘fragment,’ Felix wouldn't have reacted so sharply!
“Ah, convenience, I see.”
Felix released my cheek without resistance as if saying, 'What can I possibly do if you say so?' There was no sarcasm in his expression, nor did he demand answers or shout at me to stop talking nonsense. He simply stayed silent, gave a nod of acceptance, and turned his back. My heart sank with the weight of that indifferent gesture.
‘Is Fel disappointed in me? Oh no, my angel! Please don't leave!’
I couldn't let my long-awaited reunion with Felix fall apart over such a senseless misunderstanding. I desperately seized his hand as it slipped away, clinging to it tightly, fearing he might pull away. Then, I pressed his palm back against my cheek again.
It seemed Felix had no intention of pushing me away from the start; he simply watched my feeble struggle without a word. The corners of his lips curled slightly in a faint grimace, and with a sigh, he asked.
"Do you still have more to say?"
“Isn't there too much to say that it overflows?”
"They say nicknames only come about when there’s strong mutual trust. I was wondering, did you trust him before you trusted me…?"
Come to think of it, 'Larry' almost sounds like a nickname when you first hear it.
"Nickname? As if!"
I shook my head frantically, vehemently denying it.
"It’s absolutely not a nickname. It comes from the term 'Leraze’s Fragment.'"
"...Fragment?"
Felix, surprised by my unexpected words, asked again with a puzzled look. In truth, it didn’t take much thought to see how easily he could have found it unpleasant. Felix had risked everything to protect me and his family, so if I appeared close to the very devil who had taken everything from him, it would have deeply betrayed him. I couldn’t bear to see him sad, nor could I let him slip away, so I spoke hurriedly.
"If Fel tells me not to call him that, I won’t. Absolutely, even if it kills me, I have no intention of paying any mind to the devil's nonsense."
“...”
"I already told you before that I have no intention of responding to the feelings that the devil selfishly stole from Fel!"
“That’s right. I remember it clearly.”
Felix replied like that, furrowing his brow slightly. His expression seemed less like anger and more as if he was trying to suppress a strange smile... What was this feeling of being toyed with?
‘Why does this feel so unsettling?’
Now that I thought about it, I even said I could completely trample on the devil’s heart for Felix. I said that much, so there was no way he would forget. Unless I was blatantly lying, he must know I wouldn't give it a nickname.
"It’s strange that, even though I don’t want to hurt you, I sometimes have these destructive impulses."
However, Felix suddenly brought up a different topic. I blinked, unable to understand the context of the words, and belatedly realised that he was talking about the 'cat' who he didn't want to hurt. It was said that when people saw something cute, their violent tendencies could actually increase. That was why they ended up breaking walls, pulling out poles, and even demolishing apartments.
“Can I bite you?”
What on earth was he saying in such a polite tone?
"All of a sudden?"
“I just want to do that.”
It wasn’t like he was grinding his teeth, but he said he just wanted to bite it. Was this that strange impulse we often felt when we saw small, cute, fluffy animals? He didn’t want to hurt it — the cat was just so adorable that he felt the urge to bite it. Huh?
I belatedly realised everything and shouted out loud.
"Could it be that I was the cat?!"
Then Felix, with his eyes half-closed, fixed his gaze on my mouth and spoke, elegantly curling his red lips.
"I liked hearing the sound of your cries."
For some reason, he kept going on about a cat, and I found myself wondering what he meant! My face turned bright red from Felix's embarrassing comment. Even when he appeared expressionless, he managed to flash a risqué smile at moments like this, making anyone’s heart race.
“Um, sorry for interrupting.”
At that moment, a sudden cough was followed by an awkward voice that interrupted.
“I didn’t really want to interrupt either, but who knows when I’ll get another chance if not now?”
Hugo, with dark circles under his eyes, as though he had been troubled all night, spoke to us.
“I have something to tell you, so come with me for a moment.”
I had no idea how long he had been watching and listening to our conversation, but one thing was clear: Felix and I had treated him as if he were invisible. I genuinely didn’t know, so I looked up at Felix in confusion. It was hard to tell whether he was unfazed because he already knew or if it was simply because he had lost his emotions.
“By the way, Fel, how did you know that I call the devil, Larry?”
“I’m going to head inside now.”
“Hmph.”
Felix turned his back and headed into the mansion. In a daze, I followed closely behind him. What I had thought would lead to a long lecture filled with bitter criticism seemed to just pass by without much fuss.
・・・・・
Felix opened the lid of the black piano situated in the centre of the music room and gazed down at the gleaming keys. He lightly brushed his palm over them as he spoke.
"The keys — you replaced them with new ones.”
It was directed at Hugo.
I didn’t know whether he noticed it by the presence or the sound of breathing, but Hugo flinched, shook his shoulders, turned his head, and cleared his throat quietly.
“A-ahem.”
"And you tuned it as well."
“Even after you can no longer use an instrument, it stays with you for a lifetime. Besides, it hasn’t even been 30 years yet.”
“You’ve taken care of it consistently, so it’s still in its prime.” He continued to speak curtly, glancing at Felix. It seemed he still wasn’t used to Felix’s expressionless face.
“Yes, my father always said that.”
Felix remarked and lightly pressed a key, producing a soft ‘ding.’ It seemed that during the time I hadn’t seen him, he had become more adept at controlling his strength, as there were no cracks in the keys.
“Did my father continue to take care of it even when I wasn't around?”
“Yes.”
"Why?"
“Why, you ask...”
Hugo seemed caught off guard for a moment, probably not expecting such a sudden question. However, without giving him a chance to regain his composure, Felix kept pressing him with questions.
“Were you thinking of me?”
"Well, that’s..."
“What were you thinking?”
He slowly tilted his head and whispered as if he was truly curious.
“Can you tell me?”
His innocent, blinking blue eyes sparkled with a faint curiosity. Hugo, casting aside all his noble elegance, nudged me with his elbow and whispered.
"The truth is, saying that he lost his emotions is a lie, and all of that is just an act, right?"
"No, I don’t think he’s teasing. He’s probably asking sincerely."
“...I don’t think so.”
As Hugo scanned Felix up and down with a suspicious look in his eyes, I chuckled softly and widened my eyes.
‘I went out of my way to give up my time with Fel! The longer you stand there blankly like a stuffed scarecrow, the more precious time is wasted!’
I asserted my point firmly.
"Love is something you express."
“Lo...what?”
“Come on.”
"I don't think that's quite right."
“But expressing affection is the most effective way for Fel, who has lost his emotions, right?”
After endlessly pursuing him and pouring out my love without reservation, Felix gradually opened his heart to me. Looking at him now, it seemed he might be slowly regaining his emotions.
“Isn’t that just because the one doing it is you, my lady?”
Before I realised it, Hugo had reverted from calling me 'baby' back to ‘my lady.' He shook his head vigorously, stubbornly refusing to disclose his love as if the very thought of saying those embarrassing words was unbearable to him.
“You regretted it. After Fel disappeared, you thought about how you should have said 'I love you' at least once. Are you really going to let this chance slip away again, knowing it might be your last?”
As I spoke, I found myself increasingly emotionally invested, because my situation wasn’t any different from before I miraculously reunited with Felix.
"Do you think I don’t know that?"
"Are you aware of it but just not doing anything?"
That was really strange. I continued to press Hugo, insisting persistently.
"I know, I get it. Seriously. Geez, I’ll figure it out later, okay?!"
‘No, you interrupted our time together by calling us over to say something to Fel!
Did you just call us to show off that you tuned the piano and replaced the keys?’
“Father-in-law, why do you choose to suffer even though you know you’ll regret it? Are you planning to keep repeating this endless cycle?”
“...Father-in-law?”
At that moment, Felix echoed the title I had used for Hugo.
I had forgotten that Felix, who received the power of the devil, has extraordinary hearing. That meant he must have heard everything Hugo and I had been whispering. I exchanged silent glances with Hugo. He asked me to just call him ‘Father-in-law’ and I said it without any hesitation, but since those words were exchanged in Felix's absence, Felix might find it unpleasant.
I swallowed nervously, recalling the time I carelessly shouted, ‘I forgot to propose!’ in front of everyone. Felix didn’t react much to the mention of a proposal; he just broke Cedric’s hand which had recklessly grabbed mine. There was no way he didn’t hear me, so maybe he was pretending he didn’t hear it. It was definitely my mistake that triggered the situation, but the fact that he didn’t respond hurt a little. This time, however, Felix raised an eyebrow at the unfamiliar title of "Father-in-law," but he didn’t ask for any details about it. He simply hardened his expression seriously before I could even explain.
"Your father asked me to call him that. Right, Father-in-law?"
Before I could wallow in my own gloom, I quickly redirected the focus to Hugo.
“Now that I think about it, it seems Father-in-law called you here because he had something to convey.”
Hugo then faced me with an expression of betrayal, as if he had received a ticking time bomb. However, since what I said wasn’t entirely wrong, I was able to meet his gaze with confidence.
“I wonder what it is; I'm really curious!”
"You already revealed everything earlier."
“Even now, it's not too late.”
“It’s so noisy.”
When Hugo poked me in the side and spoke, it felt as though he was scolding me for no reason.
'Stop acting like that. I clearly saw the regret in your eyes a little while ago that conveyed, ‘I should have just said that.’ If you were going to act the same way as before, then why did you ask for advice on how to treat your son?'
No matter how much Felix's appearance changed, he treated him the same as before, so I was confused as to whether it was a good thing or not.
At that moment, Hugo, who had been fidgeting anxiously, finally spoke.
"Um, well. Olivia cares about you a lot. Go visit her and say a few words."
His choice was to hide his feelings and avoid the issue by using Countess Chamberlain as a shield. Sure, while that might have been part of what he wanted to say, it felt like a lot was left unsaid, right? When I narrowed my eyes in disbelief at his obvious tactic, Hugo met my gaze with a similar expression.
I was left speechless by the gaze that seemed to say, "You’re no different, despite your boasting." No matter how much I charged at Felix like a bulldozer, there were times when I hesitated and felt endlessly afraid too!
I didn’t even dare to whisper, afraid Felix would hear; instead, we exchanged wide-eyed glances.
Felix watched us silently, his eyes slightly squinting as if they felt itchy. He then pressed his finger against his lips for a moment, making a sound like escaping air.
"Really, you're just the same as ever."
He made a remark that could be interpreted as either praise or insult and then finally burst into laughter. It was a refreshing and invigorating sound. Both Hugo and I were wide-eyed with astonishment, unable to tear our gazes away from Felix, who was laughing. It wasn’t an empty or hollow laugh, nor was it one filled with desire; it was just pure laughter as if he was genuinely expressing his emotions. Even though we hadn’t welcomed him like spring, he was radiating that very spring warmth on his face.
"I didn't particularly ask, but..."
“...”
“...”
“It appears that a lot happened during my absence.”
Indeed. Now that I thought about it, he hadn’t asked anything. I got a little carried away, anticipating he’d do the same this time too and ask such questions like: ‘Why is that?’ ‘What’s going on?’ This was why people said you should listen to what others had to say until the end. Feeling somewhat embarrassed, I scratched the back of my head and made eye contact with Felix.
“Is my mother still doing well?”
"Of course."
“I’ve met her a few times. She didn’t say anything, though. Chloe has become quite brave. I thought to myself that she’s grown up enough to pick herself back up after getting hurt.”
I recalled the intense fights between Claudia and Felix that had taken place with me in the middle. I didn’t know where the pleased feeling of an older brother witnessing his younger sister’s growth came from, but surprisingly, it seemed to be Felix’s own way of expressing affection. Seeing him smile and inquire about his family made my heart swell with emotion.
But the blooming of spring flowers was fleeting. Like the drifting petals, he slowly wiped the smile from his face.
"I'm a bit annoyed that I can't give you an answer right away."
"Answer?"
I asked, regretting that his sparkling smile had faded faster than the fleeting flowers of spring. In response, Felix belatedly brought up the topic of ‘Father-in-law’ again.
"Even if I promise to spend my life with Rin, I only have half that time left. The idea of leaving you alone with the devil for the other half makes my stomach churn."
“...”
“I’m angry.”
When Felix first mentioned the name 'Larry' to me, he arrived at a rather misguided conclusion. Felix, that’s jealousy. Misinformed knowledge should be corrected, but he was so endearing that I couldn’t bring myself to say anything.
'I wonder if that's why you’ve been avoiding all topics about marriage...'
I never expected to receive such an embarrassing confession. Moreover, he had no awareness of it at all. How could you just hit on someone without realising it? For a moment, I turned my back and faced the wall, trembling slightly. Seeing us like that, Hugo shook his head and slipped out of the room. Unlike me, he seemed to have given up on voicing his love a long time ago.
As I faced the wall, a shadow gradually loomed over me. I glanced at the shadow that easily surpassed and completely enveloped my own, reaching out with my hands in an attempt to grasp its immense size before turning around to speak.
"You can bite me."
And then he actually bit me. Who was he calling a cat?
Translator's Corner:
[1] The idea is she would have just used the first syllables of 'Leraze's fragment'. (The author uses the first syllables of the original term in Hangul, but I just changed it so it made sense in English).
⋆｡˚ ☁︎ ˚｡ ⋆｡˚☽˚｡⋆
If you notice any errors or broken links, please let me know and I will get that fixed~ Additionally, if you would like to support me, I have a Ko-fi ~ Thank you! 💖
Thank you!