Having set the alarm for the crack of dawn, I packed up a heavy load of books and made my way to the library.
Drowsiness tugged at me, begging for just five more minutes — but I couldn’t afford to waste the first day after making that resolution over drinks with Kyuhyun last night.
I had already failed twice, but as the Korean saying went, 'Third time’s the charm.'
‘Fine — just one more shot. If it doesn’t work out, I’ll walk away clean and go back to a regular office job.’
Rubbing my sleepy eyes as I got on the subway, I saw women heading home with a completely different vibe from mine.
Their club outfits and smudged makeup — clear evidence of a night spent to the fullest — made my own twenties, spent without much fun, feel bittersweet and empty.
But as long as I passed the exam, a more precious future would be waiting for me as a reward, so I told myself it was fine.
After giving myself a gentle pep talk, I arrived at the library and immediately put in my earbuds, without any music, to help me fully focus on studying.
Even the Chinese characters that I usually found the hardest to study, I memorised by writing them repeatedly with a ballpoint pen.
Then I immediately moved on to Korean history, memorising the important events from each era over and over again.
After studying for a while, I received a text message from Kyuhyun, who was at work, saying I didn't need to reply so as not to disturb my studies.
[From today, let’s give it our all again! Always cheering for you. Love you.] — Kyuhyun
Usually, I would delay replying, under the pretence of studying, but today, as soon as I saw the message, I responded right away.
It was Kyuhyun’s words that helped me pull myself together like this, and thinking about yesterday, I was determined to accomplish it without fail.
[I love you, too. Thank you.]
After exchanging a few brief messages, I opened my book to study English, the subject I found the most challenging.
Back in university, while studying for the TOEIC before graduation, I used to shudder at the thought of ever having to use English again once I got a job.
Quietly mouthing the difficult words with tricky pronunciations, I set myself the goal to memorise at least 200 words today, no matter what.
eradicate: to root out, to eliminate completely
notorious: infamous
Maybe because I drank two nights in a row despite normally not drinking, memorising felt slower than usual today, and after a few hours, my focus quickly started to slip.
During lunch break, I stepped outside for a bit, slowly nibbling on a triangular kimbap while getting some fresh air.
However, since I hadn’t properly sobered up and was still suffering the aftereffects of waking up too early, those factors kept pulling me back into drowsiness.
I hated seeing myself lose focus after having made that promise just yesterday, so while memorising English words, I bit my lip hard enough to hurt.
But the drowsiness that flooded over me after lunch eventually made me doze off sitting up.
By the time I opened my eyes again, an entire hour had already slipped by.
When I realised I had somehow slept for a whole hour, despite having pulled myself together and thrown myself into studying, a crashing wave of despair hit before I even had a chance to stop it.
I was angry at myself, annoyed that I’d fallen asleep, overwhelmed by the hopeless thought that ‘it’s no use anyway,’ and frustrated that everything had already unravelled just hours after I’d resolved to do better.
Even though I had already memorised them, the English words scattered across my desk felt unfamiliar, as if I were seeing them for the first time.
I couldn't sit still any longer, so I squeezed my eyes shut and stood up.
Seeing that it was already past five, I felt like I couldn't study any longer. I hastily packed my books into my bag, and as I did, self-reproaching thoughts were already swirling wildly in my mind.
'For a damn woman claiming to be studying for the civil service exam to go and drink just to relieve stress — that’s screwed up from the very start.'
I left the library engulfed in a deep, hopeless gloom that no one could lift, and to make things worse, it was raining.
The morning forecast had clearly said there’d only be clouds, not rain.
But it was pouring so heavily that even if I ran to the subway station, I’d get completely soaked — and in that moment, a surge of anger welled up inside me.
“This damn life! I don’t care if the world explodes and disappears right now!”
My voice slipped out in a sharp, agitated tone, loud enough that I didn’t even care if anyone passing by the library heard it — then I quickly pressed my lips shut.
The truth was, no matter how much Kyuhyun cared about me and tried to support me, if I didn’t have a strong sense of resolve myself, all the comforting words and my own promises crumbled just as easily.
From the start, I was never the type with strong willpower to study for exams, and I was the kind of person who would waver at the slightest breeze.
That was why, when I told my mum I was going to take this notoriously difficult exam — one that often made headlines with news about people struggling and tragically taking their own lives — she expressed a lot of concern.
Without an umbrella and unable to wait inside the library forever, I gripped my bag tightly and stepped outside.
Rain dripped onto my head and soaked my clothes, but I didn’t even think about running — I just trudged slowly toward the subway station.
A person, who, like me, hadn’t prepared an umbrella, ran into the library and gave me a strange look.
But not caring, I kicked an empty can lying in front of me as hard as I could — like a total loser at life.
Clatter, clatter, clatter.
“Oh!”
They said nothing went right when you were having a bad day, and sure enough, the empty can went rattling along the ground and smacked into the heel of an old woman walking ahead of me.
Startled, I stopped abruptly, and the old woman whose heel the can had hit also slowly came to a stop.
She had been walking just ahead of me since we left the library earlier.
Feeling sorry, I instinctively covered my mouth with my hand and glanced at her, at which point the old woman turned her head toward me.
“!”
As soon as our eyes met, my heart sank with a pang, and I quickly bowed my head in apology.
The elderly woman had deep wrinkles etched across her forehead and around her mouth, and one of her eyes was completely clouded over, seemingly blind.
There was something chilling about her presence.
As she gazed at me with calm intensity, it felt like I was watching a horror movie — I found myself gripping my bag tighter without even realising it.
Smirk.
Flinch.
But soon, the corners of the elderly woman’s mouth slowly curled upward.
Meanwhile, my rain-soaked hair hung limply, sticking unsightly to my cheeks, and my clothes grew heavy with dampness.
“Would you even care if the world disappeared right now?”
Did she hear what I said?
Even if she had, it wasn’t something anyone could casually ask a stranger.
My expression faltered.
You weren’t supposed to judge people by their appearance, but the cold, vaguely eerie aura that emanated from the old woman set off all my warning bells.
I bowed my head once more in apology and quickly moved away.
Yet even after I left, the old woman kept watching me for a while.
When I finally reached the subway station entrance and glanced back one last time, her eyes were still fixed on me while drenched in the rain.
In that moment, I truly felt I had made a serious mistake, and I hurriedly descended the stairs in my squelching sneakers.
"...Is she a shaman, perhaps?"
Her presence was unlike that of an ordinary old woman.
Feeling uneasy, I nervously shook my head to shake off the water from my hair, as if trying to ward off some unwanted curse.
I wished I had just stayed in and gotten a proper night’s sleep, and I regretted kicking the empty can for no reason.
With my head bowed low, I waited for the subway among people who carefully avoided me because I was drenched.
No matter how hard I tried to forget, the old woman’s face kept vividly resurfacing in my mind, and I shook my head sharply to dispel it.
The clouded eye that had gazed at me seemed to overlap with my own vision, creating an illusion, and I desperately wanted to go home as soon as possible.
—The train now entering is the express train on Line 9.—
[Mum, I'm coming home early today. It's raining and I didn't bring an umbrella.]
Knowing my mum would be worried if I showed up looking like a drowned rat, I sent her a message in advance and pushed my hair back with my hand.
Luckily, since it was an off-peak hour, the subway wouldn't be too crowded, so I figured I’d get fewer uncomfortable stares from people once I got on.
“Ah...”
Just as the subway arrived and I was about to board, my head suddenly spun and my legs wobbled, despite not having been in the rain for long.
It was exactly like the way my friend with low blood pressure acted when she suddenly got dizzy on the subway.
Fortunately, it wasn’t too severe, so I tensed my whole body and tried to steady myself, and the strength returned to my legs.
But it only lasted for a moment.
Just as I lifted one foot to step onto the subway, a stronger wave of dizziness hit me, making my whole body sway.
The strange thing was, even though I was wobbling badly, no one paid any attention.
More than just looking soaked from the rain, it was as if I had become invisible, teetering precariously, yet nobody even glanced my way.
No matter how harsh the world was, I couldn’t believe their reaction.
Gritting my teeth, I took the final step into the subway.
And in that moment, unable to hold on any longer, I felt my mind go completely blank, and I collapsed right there.
My vision went pitch black.
・・・・・
I was insanely thirsty.
Even with my eyes barely open, already begging to close and drift back to sleep, a splitting headache was creeping in, threatening to tear my head apart.
There was the sound of bustling footsteps and murmuring voices.
I swallow dryly, overwhelmed by a thirst that was burning through me, wondering if I really collapsed on the subway.
No matter how sick I’d been, I’d never actually fainted before — yet here I was, losing consciousness after nothing more than a few drinks the night before.
Preparing for the civil service exam sure brought all kinds of unexpected ordeals.
Just as the headache finally began to ease and I reached out, struggling to open my eyes, my hand brushed against a pile of damp soil.
Soil, not the hard floor of the subway — was someone handling a potted plant nearby or something?
Putting all my strength into my heavy eyelids, I forced them open.
At first, my vision was dark and I couldn't see anything, but after blinking several times, bright light finally seeped into my pupils.
“Ugh.”
As my vision returned, the headache that had briefly subsided suddenly slammed into my skull like a hammer, and I instinctively covered my face with my hand.
The noise around me only grew louder.
When I reached out with my other hand and touched the ground, I felt the soil again, and that was when it started to feel strange.
Finally, I lowered my hand and looked around.
This place was clearly not the subway.
“...”
Was I still dreaming? Where was this place?
I blinked several times, trying to make sense of my surroundings.
The bustling crowd I’d heard earlier was gone, leaving no trace behind.
I was lying alone on the dirt ground, which looked like the floor of a forest.
My clothes were already covered in dirt and small stones, so I quickly pushed myself up, but the scene before me only deepened my confusion.
"What on earth... where is this place?"
My last clear memory was of stepping into the subway, feeling a sudden wave of dizziness as my vision blurred, and then everything went black as I lost consciousness.
Even if someone had called for help and I had been taken off the subway, I would be in a hospital, not some strange forest.
Smack!
“Ouch...”
I slapped my cheek with all my might, and it was definitely not a dream, so how on earth did I end up here?
I could hear the voices of people and the sound of passing footsteps, but it seemed that no one had discovered me yet, cleverly concealed in the bushes.
Though the situation I found myself in spun my mind with confusion, I took a deep breath and stood up.
Since my bag and phone were nowhere to be found, it seemed clear that someone had brought me here.
I figured I could sort out what happened after getting out of this place.
Brushing the dirt off my clothes, I stepped out of the bushes.
Today's experience would probably be the most dynamic one in my entire life, even if I lived for several more decades.
But seriously, who was the person who brought me here in the first place?
Were they suggesting I take a rest in a place with fresh air or something?
I just couldn’t make sense of any of it right now.
“Oh… Oh my goodness!”
“!”
“Kyaa! It’s a monster!”
What the—?
As soon as I emerged from the bushes, I stopped dead in my tracks, frozen by the sight of people looking straight at me.
As my brain tried to process what my eyes were seeing, it momentarily forgot how to function, leaving me staring blankly ahead.
And just like the people staring at me, my eyes widened like an owl's, and I staggered backward, covering my mouth with my hand.
“Look at that person!”
The people around me were wearing clothes that resembled a traditional hanbok, but with slight differences, and the wooden houses with tiled roofs looked like something straight out of a historical drama.
The women carrying woven baskets in one hand and people using horses and oxen to transport goods made the scene feel like a reenactment of a bygone era, making it hard to believe this was the place I actually lived.
Judging by the clothes and hairstyles, it was difficult to tell if this was even Korea.
After collapsing and waking up in a forest, I was already disoriented, but the scene before me left me even more confused, unsure where to even begin trying to make sense of it.
Could some psycho have dragged me onto a film set?
Perhaps these people pointing at me are just extras, thinking I was an actor and not realising I was just an ordinary person.
But if this were a film set, where were the cameras or the film crew?
There wasn’t a single person dressed casually like me.
If this were acting, then the people around me — each with a look of shock so realistic it could win an award — were getting more and more numerous.
“Uh... excuse me...”
I didn’t understand either. I didn’t know where I was or what was going on.
I instinctively flinched and took a step back, looking around sharply at the people gathering around me, wondering where I had dropped my phone.
However, I couldn't just stand there dazed in this absurd situation forever, so I gathered my courage and spoke up.
"Excuse me... is this a film set by any chance…? I’m sorry, but could someone please tell me where I am?"
"She’s speaking the same language as us!"
“Shoo! Don’t come any closer!”
“This bastard! It's a monster! It's going to eat us!"
These people weren’t acting. They were all genuinely terrified.
Even without a single camera around, I watched the reactions of people who were even more guarded and wary than I was. I instinctively opened my mouth in surprise, then quickly pressed both hands to my face before letting go.
This was neither a film set nor was it a dream.
Then, had I finally gone crazy from studying?
Maybe this really was my room, and I was just experiencing hallucinations that only I could see.
They said people who had gone mad didn’t know they were mad.
If that was true, then maybe I, too, had gone insane from extreme stress without even realising it.
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