Could that old woman’s words be true? Was the time to return really approaching?
There was no pain. Even when the royal physician took my pulse, there were no signs of any illness. Yet, strangely, I seemed to collapse even more often whenever the king was near.
Whenever the dizziness became so severe that I couldn’t stand and my legs gave out, I would lie down, and he would always stay by my side.
After that strange dream, that old woman never reappeared again, yet it was difficult to dismiss it as just a dream, for my dizziness showed no sign of easing.
Because he was worried about me, the king couldn’t properly attend to state affairs, and everyone in the palace seemed to be on high alert whenever I collapsed. Yet I could not bring myself to tell anyone that this had all started after I dreamed of that old woman.
What was I to do about this strange occurrence, when even I could not be certain of it?
And what would happen if I did return?
At first, the king was simply a frightening man. He drove me to the edge of a cliff without giving me a moment’s respite, so much so that I resented General Hunmu, who had brought me to the king, and I even attempted to take my own life.
Yet, at some point, his sincerity gradually seeped in, bit by bit, and now I didn’t even know what I was feeling.
When I saw him worrying over me, I wanted to tell him I was fine; yet when I saw how much he cared, my heart ached.
That was why, earlier, I almost asked him this without realising it:
‘If I were to return, what would you?’
I forced myself to swallow the words I couldn’t bring myself to speak, pressing my restless emotions down to the very depths.
“Haaa…”
How could such unbelievable things be happening?
After being thrown into this strange world and experiencing countless trials, I eventually felt guilt for everything that happened as a result of my own foolishness, and, as a result, I no longer even attempted to return to the place where I had once lived.
Yet now, just as I had abandoned all such attempts, signs suddenly appeared that I might truly be able to return.
It was an unbearably cruel ordeal.
Just as the sweltering summer days passed, I was gradually adapting to the discomforts of this place, and though I did not want to admit it, my feelings toward the king were beginning to change. So why now?
Even now, if someone told me I could return, I would go back. But I realised I wouldn't be able to answer with the same immediate certainty as before. I might hesitate — just a little.
These feelings of mine confused me so much. Every time that happened, my resentment toward the old woman piled up ike snow.
If only I hadn’t kicked that empty can that day, and if I hadn’t come face-to-face with that old woman, what would I be doing now?
Creak!
“!”
As one thought twisted into another, the door suddenly swung open rather forcefully. For a moment, I thought it might be the king, whom I had forcefully sent away to attend to state affairs, but he hadn’t behaved like this recently. Driven by suspicion, I sharply lifted my head, and there stood General Hunmu, someone I hadn’t seen in a very long time.
“...”
My chest tightened for a moment, and I could only stare with my mouth agape in shock.
He looked thinner than before, yet he stood firmly on both legs and moved both arms without difficulty.
After he had taken me outside the palace, and I had only heard one-sided reports about him from the king, seeing him appear unharmed overwhelmed me, and my eyes stung with unshed tears.
“…Are you alright?”
Even though I saw it with my own eyes, I foolishly asked, wanting to be certain. But General Hunmu didn’t answer. He just stared at me silently. I didn’t know how or why he had come here, yet we continued to look at each other in silence.
The stillness, after we had taken each other in with our eyes again and again, was shattered by General Hunmu’s voice.
“It seems you’ve found a way to return.”
Hearing General Hunmu’s words, I remembered how I had been collapsing more frequently these days and hesitantly rose to my feet.
He met my gaze, which flickered like a candle flame, then closed the door and stepped closer.
“What do you mean by that…?”
Though I was overwhelmingly relieved to see him safe and sound, I couldn’t suppress the emotion swelling inside me at General Hunmu’s words and asked.
“I went to see the elderly woman you met before.”
The king had clearly said he sent the elderly woman far away. I wondered how General Hunmu had found her, and why he had gone alone, without me. With a face full of curiosity, I waited for his next words.
But as he spoke, the unease on his face kept me from being the first to ask a question.
"I am a man who has pledged loyalty to His Majesty."
“Yes…?”
“I had been prepared to face death to serve at His Majesty’s side for life. Yet the moment I came here, I forsook that vow.”
“!”
What did he mean by such terrifying words? Was I too foolish to grasp their meaning, or was it simply difficult to fathom the true intent behind General Hunmu’s words?
Without elaborating further, General Hunmu sat down and began to tell me the story he had heard from the elderly woman.
“Exactly five days from now, a full moon will rise. I was told that if you jump into the waterfall where you first met the elderly woman, you’ll be able to return to your original world.”
“!”
“But it could fail. She told me that in her dream, her older sister had said that. And she already knew I would come back to see her.”
“How could she possibly…”
“I will help you so that you can go there in five days.”
“Huh?”
“If it ends in failure, I will take responsibility for everything. So if you wish to go back, tell me now.”
“...”
“If you nod, I will make the preparations.”
General Hunmu, who had suddenly appeared and was saying something jaw-dropping, seemed strangely calm, as though he had already wrestled with countless thoughts before coming to me.
That only made me all the more confused, leaving me unable to speak. Just a few weeks ago, I would have nodded without hesitation, but now it felt as if something had a firm hold on my ankles, keeping me in place.
“Why… did you go to see that elderly woman by yourself?”
“...”
“And why are you trying to help me go back?”
“Because you intended to die.”
“...”
“Since I was the one who brought you to His Majesty, it’s also my responsibility to take you away from his side.”
As I watched General Hunmu speak, each word deliberate, my heart pounded so hard I felt I might shrink back. I was frightened, and the change in his demeanour as he spoke felt utterly unfamiliar.
“Did you think dying would solve anything? You persist in your foolishness till the very end.”
“…Back then… I thought it was the best course, since it seemed everyone was suffering because of me… But now, the king no longer treats me harshly. On the contrary, he treats me with kindness.”
“...”
“And I’ve also heard a little about those past days that left him no choice but to be so ruthless.”
“So, will you be able to live here?”
“Huh…?”
“I’m asking if you can live by the king’s side for the rest of your life. Can you abandon everything from the world you originally belonged to and adapt to this place?”
“...”
“If that’s the case, then it doesn’t have to be in the palace...”
General Hunmu suddenly fell silent mid-sentence. Did ‘it doesn’t have to be in the palace’ mean living somewhere else?
Somewhere else in this world, apart from the king’s side.
‘No, I don’t want that.’
“Do you wish to return?”
Without elaborating on the words he had held back, General Hunmu went straight to the point and asked again.
There was no way to know for sure whether the elderly woman’s claim of speaking with her older sister in a dream could be trusted, or what exactly they had talked about.
However, because of strange occurrences, like me collapsing, I couldn’t simply dismiss the story of the dream that General Hunmu had heard.
The family I had forgotten, the Kyuhyun I had forgotten, and the life I had once known.
The palace interior and the king’s face, which had been gradually filling that space, suddenly flashed before my eyes like a movie.
“I’ll ask one last time. Will you go back?”
From his unwavering gaze, I could feel how momentous it was that General Hunmu had decided to help me return. I wanted to ask, over and over, why he, the king’s childhood friend, had suddenly experienced such a change of heart.
However, one could interpret it as asking if he intended to betray the king, so I couldn’t possibly voice such an overwhelming question.
Without realising it, I glanced around the room I was in. Until just a moment ago, the king had been here, watching me with a worried gaze.
“I will stay by your side for life. I will cherish and care for you, so don’t be in pain.”
I recalled the words he spoke as he held me. They pierce my chest painfully, echoing in my mind.
However, I couldn’t simply let this once-in-a-lifetime chance to return home pass me by.
‘What should I do? No — why am I even hesitating?’
It was a hesitation I could never have imagined just a few weeks ago, when I neither loved the king nor wished to bear his child.
‘I must go back.’
As if someone deep inside me, not entirely my own voice, were crying out, I turned to General Hunmu and nodded very slowly.
Even though there was no guarantee I could succeed in returning, just nodding left a hollow ache in my chest, and I bit down hard on my lips.
As soon as I nodded, General Hunmu turned away without a trace of hesitation.
“General Hunmu!”
He froze.
“…Why are you trying to help me like this…? Is it simply because I wanted to die…? What if the king finds out that you took me out again?”
"By the time I came here, I had already braced myself for the worst. I even thought it might have been better if I had never met you."
“...”
“But ultimately, my heart wants you to return. I want you to be free from pain.”
“!”
“That is the only reason I’m helping you.”
Creak.
Bang!
“...”
In the face of a raging current, even the sturdiest ship rocked precariously, unable to hold its course.
I felt the same way.
Before the unstoppable, overwhelming current, I set foot on the ship that General Hunmu was holding.
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