・・・・・
For several days, he couldn’t sleep properly and was tormented by worry.
He was the one who had engraved into his very bones the vow that, no matter who in this world pointed fingers, he alone would stay by the king’s side to the very end.
But the news about her, as conveyed by Sahwa, grew worse with each passing day.
Though he hadn’t seen it with his own eyes, he heard that Yewon had been collapsing frequently and that the king was deeply worried because of it.
From General Hunmu’s perspective, her collapsing, after even attempting suicide, could only be seen as the result of excessive stress.
From the moment he first discovered her until now, Hunmu was aware that his feelings had been gradually changing.
No — they hadn’t changed. They had only deepened, growing ever more intense.
Sleep-deprived, he sprang to his feet and rushed to the house of the elderly shaman, who had been driven far away by the king’s command.
Even as Hunmu was on his way, he found his own steps strange, unable to understand why he was going to see the shaman.
Yet, since it seemed he might be able to obtain information that could help her, he felt he had no choice but to go himself.
When he arrived late at night and saw the shaman open the door without surprise at his appearance, he felt as if he were moving on a board set by someone else, but he sensed he had come too far to step off it now.
“I will help you so that you can go there in five days.”
Once the vow he had carved into his bones had vanished like mist, he found himself at Yewon’s residence. If he were discovered, he might truly incur the king’s wrath this time, but Hunmu no longer wished for her to suffer.
“I want you to be free from pain.”
There was no need to reveal his feelings so openly, but at Yewon’s voice holding him back, he spoke before he realised it, then hurriedly closed the door and stepped out.
“Haa.”
Even after what he had done, Hunmu could hardly believe it himself.
As if mirroring his heart, the dark sky bore a moon not yet full, its incomplete circle casting a mournful light.
Why had his heart grown so deep for this woman from a foreign world, to the point that he would betray the king?
At first, he kept telling himself that his concern was merely because of his great-grandfather, trying again and again to steady his mind. But the moment he visited her residence, he could no longer cling to such petty excuses.
In five days, he would help her return to the world she originally came from.
“...”
Yet in a corner of his heart, a fairly strong reluctance to help her still stirred.
If she wished to stay here — if, by any chance, Yewon wanted to live in this world — could they not be together, even for the little time that remained?
Though he knew it could never come to pass, General Hunmu gazed at the palace in the moonlight and quietly turned his head.
・・・・・
“What is this…?”
A day had passed. Perhaps because I kept thinking about the five days General Hunmu had mentioned, time passed both slowly and terrifyingly fast.
Even while sitting still, my heart seemed to race, and I kept thinking over and over: if I jumped into the waterfall, could I really return home?
Seeing the king appear in the midst of all that was truly uncomfortable, but unable to show my feelings, I instead stared even more intently at the norigae [1] he had suddenly brought out.
“In four days, there will be a grand banquet. This is for you to use then.”
Instead of a necklace or a headband, it was a norigae: a traditional ornament that women of the past often wore as decoration.
The norigae the king brought was an elegant piece, with a flower hanging beneath a round jade base.
But if it was four days from now — that was the day General Hunmu said I would return.
My heart sank with a thud.
“In four days… what kind of banquet are you talking about…?”
“Traditionally, in this country, when the harvest season arrives, a grand banquet called Chunhasung is held to honour the toil of the people and the efforts of the officials over the year. Since I ascended the throne, I have never held one, but this time, I wish to hold it for you.”
“Why… for me…”
"Since coming here, there hasn’t been anything to bring you joy, has there? I wish to at least hold a banquet to brighten your spirits."
After learning about his past, I could roughly imagine how harrowing the palace must have been during those turbulent times. When the king said he intended to hold a banquet just for me, my chest ached at the thought that it would be in four days, and I fell silent, unable to speak.
Yesterday, I had nodded at General Hunmu’s words… so, why of all times, did the banquet have to be in four days?
“Does it not please you?”
Seeing me only staring blankly without reaching for the norigae, the king asked, slightly tense.
“This is my first time giving something like this, so I chose it myself, but you might not like it. If you wish, I can bring you something else.”
“No. I’m happy with it.”
The norigae I received belatedly was an old piece I had never taken notice of before, yet it seemed so meticulously crafted that I couldn’t help thinking how beautiful it was —beautiful enough to truly delight me.
However, even as I gently touched it with my hands, I couldn’t bring myself to smile, not even a little, weighed down by my guilt toward the king.
He didn’t know that I planned to try returning in four days, or that I might actually leave. Was it even right for me to accept something like this?
The very thought of him discovering that I had suddenly disappeared on the day of the banquet, while everyone else was laughing and enjoying themselves, already filled me with dread for the pain it would cause him.
Now, I feared for his wounds. It felt as if I would be pouring acid over the tender, newly healed flesh he had painstakingly pieced together.
“It’s truly beautiful...”
But I couldn’t tell him that I intended to return. I merely complimented the norigae instead of smiling, and the corner of the king’s mouth lifted slightly.
“I thought it would suit you well. And on that day, you’ll be the most beautiful of all.”
Swish.
The king’s hand gently stroked my cheek. I bit my lower lip, torn between fear of the pain he would feel if I left and my inability to let go of the chance to return.
How could I leave without hurting him as much as possible?
No — from the start, there was never a way to leave without hurting him.
Seeing him look at me with a faint smile made my chest ache, so I forced my gaze onto the healing wound on my arm. I recalled the anguish I felt when I attempted to take my own life.
But when I met the king’s gentle gaze again, those feelings from back then did not resurface.
Not a single trace of those feelings from back then remained — so much so that I wished that someone else would make the choice for me.
・・・・・
The preparations for the banquet were grand enough for me to notice.
According to Bin, since it had been so long since the last one, even the court ladies were eagerly anticipating it. A banquet, overflowing with sumptuous food and dazzling spectacles, was the palace’s only form of permitted leisure.
Even so, with the day of my departure drawing near, I felt no interest in the spectacular sights or delicious food. No, I simply couldn’t let myself care.
Gently touching the norigae the king had given me, I found myself quietly reflecting on the unease I felt about having to leave.
“My lady.”
As I held the norigae in my hand, Bin suddenly appeared, her smile spreading softly across her face. My thoughts were too tangled to respond with a smile, so I just stared at her.
“Please, come outside for a moment.”
Saying this, she clasped her hands together as if excited.
Since I sometimes suddenly lost consciousness and collapsed, I usually spent most of my time sitting in my room. The fact that Bin said this meant there really was something worth going outside for.
“What is it…?”
“You will understand once you come outside.”
I set down the norigae and followed Bin outside, only to unexpectedly find the king and a eunuch engaged in a hushed argument.
The king, holding a tightly rolled piece of white paper and lost in thought, was being quietly urged by the eunuch, who wore a gentle smile, to go inside. When the king saw me come out, he was startled and quickly hid the paper behind his back.
“Your Majesty.”
When he heard my voice, he came forward in a single step, unlike his earlier hesitation, and took my hand, telling me to go inside since it was cold. Though the sunlight outside was pleasantly warm, the king’s demeanour was somehow flustered and uncertain.
“What is that?”
When I pointed to the white paper in his hand and asked about it, the king brushed it off as nothing. He then had me sit down and, asking if I was all right, smoothly shifted the conversation to another topic.
“My body is fine… but what was keeping you from coming inside…?”
“It’s nothing. I just didn’t come inside because I didn’t want to disturb you while you were resting.”
Remembering Bin’s smile and her suggestion to step outside, I kept glancing at the rolled-up white paper. The king, who had been trying to change the subject, let out a deep sigh and slid the paper toward me.
Curious, I carefully unfurled the paper, and the king, embarrassed, turned his head away, pretending to look elsewhere.
“Oh…?”
When I unrolled the white paper, there was a portrait on it, clearly painted by someone quite skilled.
The face, carefully painted in black ink, was both unfamiliar and familiar — it was unmistakably me. The hair, styled up like that of women from the past, looked rather out of place, yet even the pronounced double fold of one eye was captured, making it clearly me, to anyone who looked.
“What is this…?”
“I drew it out of boredom.”
“Are you saying Your Majesty drew this yourself?”
“I couldn’t sleep last night. It’s hardly worth giving, yet the eunuch kept insisting I do.”
"...You painted this without even looking at me?"
“What’s so difficult about that?”
Even renowned painters usually worked while studying their subject in person, yet this portrait — drawn without ever laying eyes on me — looked more uncannily accurate the longer I stared at it.
As I gazed at the painting in surprise, the king cleared his throat and called to those outside, saying he was a little hungry and to bring something to eat.
“You’re amazing — to paint this without even looking.”
“Even with my eyes closed, I can picture you vividly.”
“...I’m not good at painting, so I find it amazing to see someone who paints so well.”
“I see.”
“May I keep it? I’ve never received a painting of myself like this before.”
“If you want it, take it. Or shall I paint you another?”
When I showed no sign of displeasure, the king immediately turned his head and said he would paint another, and I just stared at him in silence.
It was astonishing — and rather endearing — how someone so cold could also show such an innocent, childlike side.
“Hmm. If I can’t sleep later, I’ll properly paint it in colour for you.”
“Even this is enough to amaze me.”
I couldn’t take my eyes off the painting, and as I kept staring, the king silently took my hand.
“It seems you like this humble little painting I made even more than the norigae.”
“Humble? It’s the best thing I’ve received since coming here.”
“...”
“I will treasure it.”
Translator's Corner:
[1] A norigae (노리개) is a traditional Korean accessory that looks like a tassel charm and traditionally was used as a decorative ornament for hanboks. Source: https://blog.bluestone.com/norigae-koreas-timeless-jewellery-reimagined-for-modern-fashion/
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