General Hunmu walked quickly. I had to hasten my steps to keep up, to the point where I could no longer think clearly about the palace.
Once we had safely exited the palace, we turned onto the forest path we had taken before on the way to the temple, carrying only a single torch. Only then did I look up at the sky, where the full moon shone brightly, oblivious to everything. So large and radiant compared to the torch, it illuminated the path ahead in a way that almost felt cruel.
What on earth were these feelings that I carried as I followed General Hunmu right now?
In these moments, when my heart ached yet I could not stop walking, all I wanted to do was tell myself that this wasn’t my choice.
“Huff… huff.”
Despite his weakened body, General Hunmu climbed the forest in a single, relentless push, never stopping even as I gasped for breath. It was as if he were someone who would not spare me, even if my resolve wavered. Though I staggered, nearly collapsing, he gripped me firmly and pulled me along.
His voice, explaining that he wanted to help because I had been willing to die, echoed in my ears, and his figure, climbing ahead of me in a reckless rush, looked profoundly lonely and forlorn.
Yet why did I feel as if even his loneliness was somehow my fault?
I arrived at the waterfall without even a chance to catch my breath. I had said it would only be for a moment, but since so much time had passed without returning, the king might have already sent someone to look for me.
“Huff…”
The waterfall cascaded down with invigorating force, moonlight flickering across its surface. Even as I gasped for breath, the autumn wind carried a sharp chill, making me wonder how I had ever dared to leap in here before.
“She said you just needed to jump into the water illuminated by the moon."
It was only after General Hunmu, who had never once let go and had been holding my hand tightly all this time, spoke that he slowly released my hand and informed me.
It was a situation where it was impossible to even guess whether I would succeed or fail. If the king came all the way here searching for me, his life would truly be as good as over. I, too, couldn’t be certain of my own fate.
“Hurry. You must jump in before the day is over.”
Once my breathing had calmed, General Hunmu signalled with his eyes for me to climb up the waterfall, while he stood close to the water’s edge as if he would rescue me should I fail.
No one had ever forced him to do so. Bearing everything alone, General Hunmu stood close to the water’s edge, intent on saving me even now, his back turned toward me.
“General Hunmu.”
“...”
“If General Hunmu hadn’t been here when I jumped, I would already be dead. Time and again, I have caused you trouble, and because of me, you had to endure harsh punishments… I have always felt sorry… and grateful as well.”
“Didn’t I say you must jump in before the day is over?”
“…Even now, all the way to the very end… you… you’re still… helping me, but I… have nothing to give you in return.”
Seeing General Hunmu standing with his back to me, my heart, torn on the way here, seemed to weep, as if grasping at any excuse. That fragile heart, ready to crumble at the slightest touch, now met the guilt I had felt all this time whenever I looked at him.
He couldn’t have missed the tremor in my voice or the tears falling drop by drop, yet because I couldn’t manage to calm myself, he finally turned, took my hand, and led me up toward the waterfall’s crest. Even as we climbed, he held my hand tightly, worried I might trip over a rock, and the sight of him doing that was unbearably sad.
Suddenly thrown into an unfamiliar place, I felt as if I were leaving both the king and him with nothing but pain and suffering, and I could not despise my own existence more.
Even if I happened to succeed, what would really happen to General Hunmu?
“There’s nothing to fear. Even if you fail, I’ll be waiting below. So just jump — focus only on your desire to return.”
Once I climbed onto the rock to jump into the waterfall, the spray chilled me to the bone. The cold was sharp enough to make my tears retreat, and my nose quickly turned red.
"Can you jump down? No — you must jump down."
“...”
“Do not hesitate. Do not think of His Majesty. It is right for you to return to the place you originally came from. If you remain here, you will suffer for the rest of your life.”
“…But…”
“I told you not to hesitate.”
Before I knew it, my cheeks and nose had turned red from the cold and ached, and tears welled up in my eyes again.
But jumping into this cold water was nothing. I was only worried about the people who would be hurt because of me — the king and General Hunmu.
General Hunmu firmly guided me to stand at the edge of the rock. As I looked down, my head spun, but suddenly, the unfamiliar world I might never see again if I succeeded came into view in slow motion. And I saw General Hunmu too, who had willingly risked himself to help me.
“General Hunmu… I don’t know what illness you are suffering from, but in the world I live in, medical science is so advanced that there is no disease that cannot be treated."
“...”
“Unlike here, there are no rigid class distinctions. While you still need money to live comfortably, if you adapt, you’ll manage. And if your illness is truly incurable… we can face it… together.”
“His Majesty must already be looking for you, since you haven’t returned. I will stay here and make sure that no one follows you.”
“…General Hunmu.”
“If anyone were to follow you, wouldn’t that cause trouble? There’s no time left. Steady your heart.”
He looked up at the sky, then turned without a trace of hesitation and went down. I hurried to catch his arm from behind, but my hand closed on nothing as he slipped away.
Each step he took downward pierced my chest, yet he sat directly before the spot where I was about to fall and, without turning his head, spoke.
“Jump down now!”
・・・・・
“Jump down now!”
General Hunmu’s shout made my body flinch, and though my mind kept screaming that I had to jump, when I looked down, I slowly sank to the ground. As I collapsed, tears streamed down my face, and I sobbed uncontrollably.
I didn’t know what had come over me.
But now that I might actually be able to return, with the opportunity right in front of me, I couldn’t bring myself to leap boldly like I did when I first ended up here.
The king’s face, asking if it would only be for a moment, and General Hunmu below, bearing everything, made my chest tighten.
Seeing me slumped, unable to jump, General Hunmu closed his eyes briefly and opened them again. Then, as if he would help me himself, he turned his body toward me and came up in long, decisive strides.
"...What if…"
He froze.
“If I were to leave, how would the king, who so willingly gave his heart to me, manage…?”
“...”
“Even if I were to succeed in returning, how am I supposed to rid myself of the guilt I feel toward General Hunmu… sniff …”
Even in this very moment, I felt sorry for General Hunmu, who came to an abrupt stop at my words. Already worrying about how I would rid myself of this guilt, I realised how selfish I truly was.
Then, suddenly, the bushes rustled. For a moment, thinking it might be someone sent from the palace, General Hunmu hastily drew the sword at his waist and braced himself behind me, as if to shield me, putting strength into his arms and shoulders.
“!”
But the person who emerged from the bushes was neither someone sent from the palace nor a man. It was the elderly shaman, whom I could hardly believe was here.
Even General Hunmu faltered at the old woman’s appearance, his grip on the sword trembling.
Despite her poor eyesight and the rough stone path, the old woman walked toward us with light, graceful steps, without any difficulty.
If General Hunmu had come to her personally, she might have known I would be returning today. Still, what reason could the old woman have for coming to the waterfall at this hour?
Her appearance felt like a dream, giving me the strange sense that everything I was experiencing was a mere mirage.
"In my dreams, you asked me so desperately how you could return.”
“!”
"Now that the chance to return has come, why are you hesitating?"
For a moment, my mouth fell open as if my heart had frozen in the cold at the old woman’s words.
Clearly, she wasn’t the old woman I had met in the world I lived in, yet it was as if the twin of hers had possessed her, because she was talking about the dream.
Casting a quick glance at my twisted expression, General Hunmu tensed the arm holding his sword once again.
"Today marks three months since you arrived here."
“…Grand…mother…”
I couldn’t understand what was happening. But, before I knew it, the old woman before me now had a clearly different aura from the one I had met before. One thing was certain: the old woman in front of me was indeed the same one I knew in the world I used to live in.
I lifted myself from where I had been sitting.
“…You’re that grandmother, right…?”
“...”
“You’re the grandmother I met in the world I used to live in, aren’t you…?”
“You must jump for me to return to the world I originally belonged to.”
“Sniff.”
Hearing the old woman’s voice again as she spoke without denying it, tears burst from my eyes. I had finally met the old woman who had put me through such a cruel time, yet I was already so emotionally exhausted that I couldn’t even ask why she had sent me here.
As I poured out all my pain in tears, unable to even respond properly, the old woman stopped walking and looked at me.
“Do you resent me?”
"...Sniff… why on earth… sob… why me… sniff…?"
“...”
"I’ve only just begun to adapt… and now the king… has opened his heart completely… sniff… why… why are you being so cruel to me at this very moment… sniff…"
"What was the world you came to like?"
“…Sniff.”
"Even so, you met the king and will now return without ever knowing what it feels like to be cold and hungry. Do you think you truly suffered?"
The old woman’s voice was calm.
“Despite living in such a comfortable world, you had many complaints, so, as you said, I took your world away.”
I firmly closed my eyes. Knowing from what her twin had told me how hard this old woman’s life had been, I recalled my own days of discontent despite living in a truly comfortable world and closed my eyes.
“Do you think it was your own will that made you suddenly want to go to the temple?”
The first time I met the old woman’s twin was after I had said I wanted to go to the temple. When I opened my eyes at the old woman’s words, a sharp gust of wind swept past between us.
"Was it decided from the very beginning…? That I would return…"
The old woman remained silent. Yet a sigh slipped out, as if to convey that even if I hadn’t struggled so desperately, my return had been predetermined from the start.
Without even knowing that, just how many people — including General Hunmu — had I caused trouble for because of me?
And then, from my weary heart, resentment and anger toward the old woman, feelings I hadn’t noticed before, surged up.
“Why on earth?! What have I done so wrong? So many people have suffered and been hurt because of me… even General Hunmu, who's standing right before me…”
“You brought this upon yourself.”
“...”
"No one forced you to act that way here. Aren't the feelings you've developed for the king also your own?"
“!”
"Why are you so surprised? Is there then some other reason you can’t jump in right now?"
My legs shook as I stood. I wanted to shake my head hard, but I just stared blankly at the old woman.
It was my own heart that came to hold feelings for the king.
Those were the feelings that prevented me from jumping in right now.
The old woman, as if speaking on my behalf since I couldn’t utter a word, looked up at the round, full moon hanging in the sky.
“Whether here or there, the full moon is the same — yet this place still feels cold.”
“...”
“If you want to go back, then jump. You’ve endured enough heartache; now you can return to your own world and live with gratitude. Resent me if you wish. I am an old woman used to being hated.”
“…Sniff…”
I knew I should hate her; I should feel rage at her audacity for saying such things to me, but when she said she was used to being hated, my eyes filled with tears.
With everything having turned out this way, who could possibly point out where, or how, it first went wrong?
“Jump down.”
General Hunmu, who had remained silent until now, quietly lowered the sword in his hand and turned his gaze toward me. Yet, in his eyes, there lingered an indefinable sorrow. The face that only moments ago had been so resolute in sending me away now held a faint, aching sorrow.
I couldn’t quite understand why — but now, if I were to leap into the waterfall, it would mean bidding farewell to King Neuru, and to this place where I endured the scorching summer without a single air conditioner.
“Shall I tell you the meaning of my name?”
“Pardon?”
“I mean the meaning of ‘Neuru.’”
“It means not to rush everything at once, but to last for a long time. I will approach you in the same way.”
The king’s voice rang vividly in my ears. At the same time, the faces of my boyfriend Kyuhyun and my parents appeared clearly in my mind.
Their voices overlapped at once and asked me:
“What choice will you make?”
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