Chapter 109: Trigger
- Reira ☾⋆⁺₊✧ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁
- Nov 5, 2025
- 8 min read
“It’s not like that. How could I ever find you repulsive? I just…”
“You just?”
Alicia stifled a breath of overwhelming emotion and, without hesitation, grabbed Cabelenus’s hand.
Cabelenus obediently followed her into the corridor, just as she wished.
As soon as the door closed, Alicia’s shoulders slumped.
Even if it wasn’t intentional, a wound was still a wound.
“I’m sorry.”
“You don’t need to apologise.”
“I was anxious, so I said things I didn’t mean.”
“The words that slip out unconsciously might actually be closer to your true feelings.”
“...”
“I’m fine, so don’t look at me like that. “
"You’re saying you’re fine?"
Alicia’s lips parted slightly.
"It’s not like it’s only repulsion, right?"
“...”
“I don’t want to lose everything just because of a single emotion.”
His answer was resolute, without the slightest hesitation.
Alicia quietly steadied her breath and stared at Cabelenus.
His reaction was both pitiful and oddly unsettling.
If Cabelenus were truly under the monster’s influence, then he would be deceived without even realising it.
"…As I thought, I really do need to say it.”
Alicia steeled herself, tightening her grip on his hand.
"If you want to say something, say it. Of course, just don’t say you’ll leave me."
“It might be the opposite.”
“The opposite?”
“After hearing what I have to say, you might hate me.”
"That can’t be."
Cabelenus spoke firmly.
But Alicia still couldn’t relax her expression.
“Perhaps it isn’t.”
“That’s impossible. From the very beginning, I’ve only had eyes for you. My gaze was inevitably drawn to you, and in the end, I couldn’t help but want you.”
“What if that’s the problem?”
“…Do you want to deny our relationship?”
Through his tightly clenched teeth, Cabelenus exhaled a heated breath.
Alicia scrutinised his face slowly, as if committing it to memory.
He tried to appear calm, but the corners of his eyes betrayed him with a faint twitch.
“You said that after becoming a test subject, you couldn’t feel any emotions, right?”
“...Yes. That’s right. The more I grew accustomed to the monster’s blood, the duller my emotions became, and I changed in ways ordinary people never would.”
“Yet despite everything, you still felt something for me.”
"…What exactly are you trying to say?"
Cabelenus could no longer maintain his composure, and his face twisted.
Alicia cautiously reached out her hand to him.
Through his sharp, clear eyes — eyes that always shone brighter than the sun to her — she met his gaze.
“When I said you resembled the monsters, it was because of your eyes.”
“Because of the colour of my eyes?”
“No. Not that — it’s the emotions within your gaze.”
“Emotions?”
"The monster looked at me the same way you do."
“...”
The faint tremor at the corner of his eyes ran straight to her fingertips.
Alicia struggled to maintain a composed smile, but she never took her eyes off Cabelenus.
And then, slowly — very slowly — she squeezed out her voice.
"Don’t you find it strange?"
"It’s not strange."
Cabelenus avoided her gaze.
But he couldn’t avoid it for long.
He couldn’t bring himself to completely ignore the woman staring at him.
“...So what is it you want to say?”
“You already know.”
“...”
Though he didn’t speak, it was a sufficient answer for Alicia.
To begin with, he was a perceptive man.
There was no way such a man wouldn’t understand what she was trying to say.
“If the monsters made it impossible for you to feel emotions, then the reverse could be possible too.”
"That doesn’t matter."
"It matters."
“What matters to me isn’t the cause of the feelings, but you.”
“That’s exactly why I can say this. It’s because I think of you just as much as you think of me.”
“...”
“You’ve already lived your life being manipulated by others as they pleased. You’ve lived like that as if that were only natural.”
She tried not to cry, but the tears kept welling up.
Alicia pulled the hand that was holding Cabelenus toward herself.
“I wanted to stay silent. I wanted to come up with a suitable story. I was already satisfied and happy with our current relationship, so I just wanted to stay as we were.”
“...”
“But if I did that, I’d become the same kind of person. I’d be just like the ones who made you this way.”
Alicia roughly shook her head and wiped away her tears.
Tears welled up again, quickly blurring her vision, but she didn’t want to look away.
"Knowing the kind of life you’ve lived, I can’t remain silent."
“...Do you even understand what it would mean if I didn’t love you, and yet you still say something like that?”
"Yes. I know."
Cabelenus frowned at how readily Alicia answered.
There was no need to think deeply.
Her frequently trembling voice, her shoulders stiff with tension, and her chest rising and falling so rapidly — all of it spoke clearly of her feelings.
“...And yet, you’re afraid.”
Cabelenus ground his teeth.
Since she was holding his hand, the sketchbook she had been clutching pressed against the back of his.
"You are cruel."
“...”
Tears streamed down Alicia’s cheeks.
Unable to hold back any longer, Cabelenus let out a harsh breath.
The way the woman was barely holding herself up, relying on nothing more than a sketchbook, irritated him to the point of exasperation.
“And yet, you are so strong.”
Cabelenus reached out, pulled Alicia into his arms, and pressed his face to her faintly trembling neck.
The woman, too small to fill an embrace, was always strong.
She had no great power, no indomitable physique, no single trait that could be called strong — and yet, she was.
“You didn’t have to dig so deep. You could have easily pretended not to notice.”
“You once said that you hoped I’d become someone capable of choosing and judging for myself. I feel the same way.”
“I…”
Cabelneus fell silent and squeezed his eyes shut.
Her smile, warm as spring sunlight, was full of affection, and it made his throat tighten.
Even in that moment, Alicia held his hand tightly.
“I think I might be able to find a way to remove the monster’s blood from inside you.”
“…You can remove the monster’s blood?”
“If the monster’s blood disappears, you’ll no longer be affected by it.”
“...”
"If, when that day arrives, your heart no longer aligns with mine—"
“It’s just a trigger.”
The sensation of his rough breath brushing against her nape made her flinch instinctively.
But there was no room to retreat.
Alicia wasn’t the only one holding their intertwined hands.
They were holding each other.
“Whether the reason is big or small, there’s always a reason we like or dislike someone.”
“...”
"It could be the influence of the monsters. Perhaps seeing my late mother in you had an effect, or maybe something completely different triggered it."
"..."
“But in the end, all of that was just a trigger.”
Cabelenus lifted his head and looked Alicia straight in the eye.
He kissed the corners of her eyes and slowly traced the tear streaks with his lips.
“A trigger is only the beginning of a feeling; it doesn’t carry all the emotions and memories that have piled up over time.”
“...”
“It won’t end just because that trivial trigger is gone.”
Their bodies pressed even closer together.
Alicia drew in a sharp breath against the man’s chest as his hand pressed down firmly over hers.
There was no need for words.
The fierce pounding of his heart, so unlike the man who rarely showed any expression, clearly revealed his emotions.
“If I were in your place, I would have held onto you no matter what.”
“...”
“Whether crying and clinging, or showing a cowardly and pathetic side, I would have been desperate just to get even a tiny scrap of your affection.”
Having licked away every tear, the man lifted his head again and gave a bitter smile.
The tongue, visible between his stark white teeth, was intensely red.
“You always act as if you’re the one who’s lacking, as if you’re the weaker one in our relationship. But do you know something?”
“You were always the one who tried to let go first.”
Tears welled in her eyes again, and he lowered his face once more.
His lips, tracing down her face, were greedy and, at the same time, desperate.
“If you can’t trust me, then don’t remove the monster’s blood.”
“If that happens, you…”
“I’ll be able to stay by your side, just like now.”
“...”
Alicia let out a breath without even realising it.
It felt as if she had been struck hard on the head.
“I’ve always wondered how I should describe the feelings I have for you.”
“...”
“I’m not good with words, and I’m different from everyone else. But even I know this.”
Every time he spoke, his rough breath grazed her skin.
His lips pressed down like a seal, burning hot, while his thick-jointed hands clung with the relentless insistence of a noose, drawing tighter with every movement.
“You said you wanted me to decide for myself, right?”
“Yes.”
“Then, I choose you.”
“You choose me…?”
“Whatever I choose, that’s on me.”
Cabelenus smiled.
Sharp fangs glinted from between his lips.
“I know myself. I’m someone more familiar with destroying than protecting. If I want something, I’ll take it, and if I have to, I won’t hesitate to use whatever it takes.
“...”
“Honestly, love from someone like that would be obvious. There’s no way it could be proper.”
Cabelenus’s mouth twisted slightly.
He knew he was twisted, but there was nothing he could do about it.
Ever since the day he became a test subject, he couldn’t tell what was right anymore.
Even so, there was one thing he knew for sure.
“You may grow tired of me, but I’ll never be the one to end things first.”
“...How can you be so sure of that?”
“Because even in this very moment, I want to kiss you.”
Thud.
The sketchbook she’d been holding slipped from her hands and fell to the floor.
The sketchbook lay open on its own, displaying sketches based on Cabelenus.
Cabelenus’s lips contorted as he looked at the images of himself on the page.
"I know what you were thinking while drawing that. But no matter how well you draw, a drawing is still just a drawing."
“...”
"Want the real me, not just the drawing. Don’t settle for just that."
“…Do you really want me to do that?”
“I do.”
Her breath was stolen as their lips pressed together, and her head instinctively tilted back.
She was grabbed by the waist and pulled, while an impatient hand swept across her back.
Though they could get no closer, he held her even tighter, as if that still weren’t enough, his hand pressing deeper into her small frame.
Calloused fingers grazed the tender skin inside her hand, his prominent knuckles pressing firmly against it, their presence unmistakable.
It was a kiss so hurried that she could barely breathe. But strangely, she liked that urgency.
“Haa...”
Their hastily pressed lips pulled apart.
But even at that close distance, they could still feel each other’s breath, and in their eyes, nothing but each other filled their gaze.
As the man stared at the woman’s glistening lips, he tightened his grip on her.
“I want you.”
“...”
“I wish for every strand of your hair, every glimmer in your eyes, and even the faintest breath, to be wholly mine.”
”And I hope you feel the same.”
They were close enough for their noses to almost touch, their breaths mingling.
His calloused hand brushed back the strands of hair falling over her face, grazing the tender skin behind her ear, making the fine hairs on her neck stand on end. Their eyes met, lingering as if each were relentlessly savouring every detail of the other.
Translator's Corner:
Hi all, apologies, I've been swamped with work and didn't get a chance to translate the other two novels, so I just posted all the AUP chapters I've finished working on!
I did attempt the advanced chapter thing on Patreon, but honestly, whenever I finished working on a chapter, I just wanted to post it up, so... guess I'm scrapping that idea (it was brief, but it was interesting to see how Patreon worked ahaha).
I'll still keep my Kofi goal thing going on, though! So if the Kofi goal is reached, I'll work on bonus chapters for that week~ Thanks for your patience with me and wishing you all the best!
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If you notice any errors or broken links, please let me know, and I will get that fixed~ Additionally, if you would like to support me, I have a Ko-fi~ Thank you! 💖
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