"It's probably because it still feels unfamiliar to you."
Madame Morco gently patted Alicia’s back.
Alicia tightly shut her eyes.
It wasn’t because it felt unfamiliar.
She simply didn’t want to accept the existence of the child.
Enduring Cabelenus alone was already more than enough.
At this point, she didn’t want to take on anything more.
“...”
“Besides, it hasn’t even been confirmed that you’re pregnant yet.”
Alicia clenched her hand.
Harsh as it was, the first thing that crossed her mind when she heard Madame Morco speak was that she hoped it wasn’t a pregnancy.
‘Is there something wrong with me?’
Alicia pressed her lips tightly together.
Someone once said that maternal love was instinctual.
That if it were her own child, she couldn’t help but love them.
That it was only natural.
But she didn’t feel even the slightest trace of what should have been a natural emotion.
No matter how many times she thought about the child’s existence, it was no use.
She felt sorry for the child, but she wasn’t happy at all.
Fear came first, overshadowing any pure blessing for the life that had only just begun to stir.
She didn’t believe she could be a good mother.
That was the conclusion Alicia reached after long contemplation.
“Don’t worry too much. It’s not something bad.”
“…Do you really think so?”
“Of course. It’s a good thing.”
Madame Morco whispered gently.
Though she knew the child might cause conflict, the child itself bore no blame.
Every child, by the simple act of being born, was worthy of a blessing.
“If the child is born, they’ll surely be adorable.”
“...”
“The child might resemble His Highness — or perhaps take after you, my lady.”
“Resemble His Highness…”
Alicia’s gaze wavered.
Madame Morco didn’t miss the moment and gently tightened her grip on Alicia’s hand.
“No matter who they resemble, they’ll be a lovely child. They’re the fruit of you two, after all.”
“...”
“They’ll grow up surrounded by love and become someone truly remarkable — just as befits the next master of Schwarhan.”
Despite Madame Morco’s earnest persuasion, Alicia still couldn’t accept the child’s existence.
Because she had only ever seen two types of parents:
Those who calculated value, and those who sacrificed everything for their child.
Alicia didn’t want to be either one.
She didn’t want to evaluate the worth of a foreign presence that had suddenly invaded her life, nor live a life dedicated to that existence.
“If it feels too overwhelming right now, we can call the physician later — once you’re feeling more at ease, my lady.”
Madame Morco looked at Alicia with concerned eyes.
But Alicia’s expressionless face made it difficult to guess what she was thinking.
“…Call the physician.”
“My lady…”
"Even if we check later, nothing will change. I’d rather just check now. That feels like the best choice."
Alicia nodded firmly.
Though she kept stroking her belly with faint hope, her feelings toward the child remained unchanged.
The unmoving child inside her stirred no affection.
Even at that moment, she found herself desperately wishing she weren’t pregnant.
・・・・・
“Take a deep breath in and then out.”
“Like this?”
"Yes, that’ll work just fine."
The physician expertly examined Alicia and then asked a few questions while jotting down notes on a chart.
Alicia nervously studied his expression.
She felt sorry and guilty for even thinking this way, but she couldn’t help it.
Even if it meant bearing guilt, she hoped she wasn’t pregnant.
“What’s the result?”
“There doesn’t appear to be any major issues. However…”
The physician trailed off, avoiding Alicia’s gaze.
“Is there a problem?”
Unable to wait, Madame Morco stepped forward.
The physician gave an awkward smile and shook his head weakly.
“It doesn’t appear to be a pregnancy.”
“Ah.”
Alicia instinctively covered her mouth with both hands at the sound that slipped out.
But she wasn’t sure if it was purely because of joy.
Even though she desperately hoped she wasn’t pregnant, when she actually heard she wasn’t, she felt strange.
"Could it be that it’s not detectable because it’s still early?"
Madame Morco frowned.
“That is possible, but in my humble opinion, it’s unlikely.”
“Unlikely?”
“Sleepiness, appetite changes, and nausea are indeed common signs of pregnancy. But based on my examination, there’s nothing conclusive to confirm it in your case, my lady.”
“Are you certain?”
“If you don’t trust me, feel free to call in other physicians. They’ll likely say the same.”
The physician quickly waved his hand under Madame Morco’s sharp gaze.
“But—”
“It’s fine.”
Alicia shook her head firmly.
Madame Morco, who had been giving the physician a piercing look, finally sighed deeply and stepped back at Alicia’s urging.
“I apologise, my lady. I may have spoken too hastily.”
“No. It’s perfectly understandable. I get it.”
Alicia smiled, but her body felt strangely drained.
‘Am I regretting it now, after all this?’
A weary sigh escaped her lips.
She hadn’t even realised she’d been unconsciously touching her belly.
"Then, why does the lady show such symptoms?"
Madame Morco’s expression twisted.
If Gazeff’s assumption was correct — that Alicia's behaviour stemmed from Cabelenus’s absence — it still didn’t fully explain everything.
At some point, Alicia had begun to feel nauseated by the smell of certain foods.
"I'm not sure about that, either."
“You’re not sure? If a physician can’t grasp the patient’s condition, who would possibly trust you to treat them?”
“My apologies. But truly, there’s nothing out of the ordinary. The young lady is indeed quite thin, but she is in good health.”
The physician flinched under Madame Morco’s fierce presence, but he didn’t stop speaking.
He was Schwarhan’s finest physician.
And he had confidence in his diagnosis.
Alicia exhibited the typical signs of early pregnancy, yet there wasn’t the slightest trace of actual gestation.
“I have, however, heard that when someone strongly longs for pregnancy, they may experience symptoms through sheer belief alone…”
Even as he spoke, the physician kept glancing around cautiously.
Nothing good came from upsetting a noble.
“That can’t be it.”
“If that’s the case, then I have no diagnosis to offer.”
The physician’s shoulders drooped under Madame Morco’s cold response.
He, too, found Alicia’s symptoms unusual, but he couldn’t bring himself to lie.
"However, as you mentioned, since it is still very early in the pregnancy, there might be something we missed, so we will check again later."
“That sounds like a good idea.”
Madame Morco stole a glance at Alicia, doing her best not to let her disappointment show.
Perhaps it was better this way.
Alicia, who still couldn’t accept the child, didn’t seem ready to become a mother.
Given the circumstances, it would be wiser to give her more time and wait a bit longer.
・・・・・
“She isn’t pregnant?”
“Yes. That’s what the physician said.”
“I see. That’s good.”
Cabelenus calmly nodded.
Even as he listened to Gazeff’s report, Cabelenus’s hand never stopped signing the documents.
He was truly unfazed.
Gazeff, unsure how to react to his superior’s indifference, simply stood still.
“…Perhaps it would be best to go see the young lady.”
“I’m not done with my work yet.”
“She might be disappointed.”
“Disappointed?”
"The young lady must have heard the news as well — that she’s not pregnant."
Cabelenus’s hand finally stopped.
Sensing a hint of urgency, Gazeff quickly continued,
"That’s how it usually is.”
“...”
“It would be good if you could visit her briefly. She relies on Your Highness quite a lot.”
Gazeff gave an awkward smile.
Cabelenus had always been a reliable master, and Gazeff still respected him as his superior.
But despite that, he couldn’t shake the feeling of unease.
Cabelenus never reversed a decision once it was made.
He had already decided the child’s fate, and all that remained was to carry it out.
Knowing this, Gazeff couldn’t help but feel relieved upon hearing Alicia wasn’t pregnant — yet after that, a growing fear about what would come next settled over him.
Even if a child were born later, there was no guarantee of its safety.
Cabelenus could dispose of the child at any time, depending on the circumstances.
The greatest threat to the child’s life was none other than its own father.
“Perhaps, she might even be crying alone right now.”
“...”
Though Gazeff had already heard Alicia’s reaction, he pretended not to know.
Cabelenus was unusually lenient with Alicia and made an effort to accommodate her.
To protect the child from Cabelenus, Gazeff had no choice but to use Alicia as leverage.
If he continually reminded Cabelenus that the child would be special to Alicia, perhaps Cabelenus would react better if a real child ever came along.
That was the best plan Gazeff could come up with.
“…That’s possible.”
Fortunately, the excuse seemed to work, and Cabelenus finally put down his pen.
"Though I may be lacking, I will stay here and watch over things for the time being. Please go ahead.”
“...”
“…Is something wrong?”
Gazeff cautiously read his superior’s face.
He wasn’t usually the type to be so self-conscious, but seeing the crooked curl of Cabelenus’s lips made an inexplicable sense of unease surge within him.
“Wouldn’t it be better to bring something to lift her spirits, rather than just showing up empty-handed?”
“Ah, yes. That’s right. That would be best.”
Gazeff hastily nodded.
"I wonder what she would like.”
Cabelenus rested his chin on his hand and tapped the desk lightly with his index finger.
Gazeff watched him, nervously swallowing.
It had been a long time since he’d felt this tense.
No, even during the Battle of Markata, when he was cornered, he hadn’t been this nervous.
Back then, even the tapping sound urging him to answer hadn’t felt like a death sentence.
"Surely, Your Highness knows more about the young lady than I do."
“...”
He thought it was a decent answer, but his superior’s gaze remained far from pleased.
Gazeff quickly lowered his head and corrected himself.
“I’ll ask my aunt about it.”
“That would be best. However…”
He thought that would be the correct answer — but apparently not.
A slight twitch appeared at the corner of Gazeff’s eye.
The cold sweat trailing down his back wasn’t just chilly — it was bone-chilling.
“Is something wrong?”
He forced his voice steady and lifted the corners of his mouth into a strained smile, but his superior’s expression remained unchanged.
“...”
“...”
Was it just his imagination, or did the silence weigh down on him like a physical pressure?
All Gazeff could do was dart his eyes around nervously, trying to gauge what his superior might be thinking.
But Cabelenus was not a lenient man who easily considered the plight of his subordinates.
All Gazeff could do was wait quietly.
Of course, he couldn't shake the thought that the wait felt like hell.
Gazeff waited silently, hoping that his superior would speak as soon as possible.
“…No. It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.”
Perhaps his silent wish had been heard — fortunately, Cabelenus eventually let out a sigh and pressed his forehead.
“Are you all right?”
“Don’t mind me. Just contact Madame Morco first.”
Cabelenus waved his hand dismissively and leaned back in his chair.
Up until this morning, he had been in quite a satisfied mood, but suddenly, an unexpected doubt arose, and his mood sank.
He had prided himself on knowing Alicia well, but in truth, there was still much he didn’t know about her.
Even when he tried to list the things she liked, he couldn’t fill up even one hand.
‘The only things I’m sure of are walking, studying, and maybe painting…’
As Cabelenus glanced out the window, a faint furrow formed on his smooth forehead.
Even without going outside, he could tell how heavily the snow was falling.
A walk was out of the question in this weather.
‘And it’d be ridiculous to suggest studying in this situation.’
The wrinkle on his forehead deepened.
It was absurd to mention studying to someone feeling down, but from the start, he also wasn’t exactly gifted at teaching.
‘That leaves painting…’
Cabelenus, nodding absentmindedly, suddenly froze.
‘It wouldn't be a difficult task for that guy.’
He tried not to let it bother him.
But in this situation, the thought of the young painter chatting so cheerfully with Alicia was suddenly, unreasonably aggravating.
In this situation, Cabelenus struggled, but James could easily make Alicia laugh with his own skills.
‘…How absurd, really.’
He never thought he’d end up envying a fragile little artist who’s probably only ever lifted something as heavy as a canvas.
Cabelenus sneered, curling his lips in disdain.
The wrinkles on his forehead had deepened to the point where they were clearly noticeable.
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