'I wanted to firmly tell him not to get engaged.'
Everything was painful, but in the end, what tormented Alicia the most was none other than her own situation.
Even though the words ‘Don’t get engaged’ had risen to her throat, she couldn’t bring herself to say them — because, in the end, she knew she had nothing to offer Cabelenus.
‘If I still had even a shred of power left, would I have been able to say it?’
Alicia's closed eyelids trembled.
Her eyelashes were already damp.
She had chosen to be alone, but ironically, she longed for someone to stay by her side.
Because whenever she was alone in a pitch-dark room, swallowing her pain, the hellish times she had tried so hard to forget would come flooding back.
Alicia curled herself into a tighter ball, desperately trying to suppress the memories of that day.
And then it happened.
She felt something stir deep within her abdomen.
Alicia froze for a moment, then slowly lowered her trembling hands to her belly.
The sensation had lasted only a brief moment, and now, there was nothing.
But there was something unsettling that made it hard to just brush it off.
'Could it be…'
With her hand still resting on her stomach, Alicia swallowed dryly.
The physician had clearly said she wasn’t pregnant, but the symptoms she was experiencing were difficult to explain otherwise.
And more than anything, that strange surge of power she had just felt was…
Alicia cautiously lowered her head.
Just the mere thought of that slight possibility made Alicia feel like she could burst into tears at any moment, so she bit her lip tightly.
She might simply be mistaken.
But right now, she was aching deeply for human connection.
She desperately needed someone she could love and be loved by unconditionally, without questioning anything.
Alicia gently stroked her belly over and over, as if trying to find the presence of a child within.
But the response she longed for never came.
“Why won’t you answer me? Is it because I said I didn’t want you? If not...”
Alicia’s hand, which had been gently tracing her belly, suddenly froze.
What if… there really was a child inside?
And what if… that child possessed the same power she once had?
The thought overwhelmed her, leaving her mind completely blank.
"...It's because of me."
Alicia grimaced and let out a hollow sigh.
Only now did everything finally make sense.
The reason she couldn’t find the child’s existence was because she didn’t want to.
The child had simply granted Alicia’s wish.
The moment she realised that fact, she couldn’t hold back the tears that had welled up.
The child inside her couldn’t possibly perceive anything consciously.
It was merely moving instinctively, following their mother’s desires.
The unborn child was already sensing the world before it even knew it.
“I’m sorry. I’m truly sorry...”
With her eyes closed, Alicia apologised over and over again.
Then, at that moment, she felt something wriggle inside her belly.
“Ah…”
Tears streaming out uncontrollably, Alicia covered her mouth with both hands.
This time, the movement was so clear that it couldn’t be mistaken.
There was a child.
A child was inside her.
Not knowing how to control the flood of tears, Alicia hid her face in her hands.
She had thought she didn’t need a child, but now, that presence felt overwhelmingly immense.
She wasn’t alone anymore.
"Baby…"
Alicia’s voice, calling out for the child, trembled greatly, but at the same time, it was more desperate than ever.
And as if answering her, the movement inside her belly stirred again.
“I… want to see you. I really need you.”
Alicia wrapped her arms around her belly as if cradling the child.
She welcomed the baby’s gentle movements, like a heartfelt answer resonating from within.
・・・・・
‘This place is...'
Alicia turned her head with a vacant gaze.
She was sure she had fallen asleep in her bedroom, yet now, nothing around her was familiar.
All she could see was an endless expanse of snow.
Looking around anxiously, Alicia cautiously took a step forward.
Each step she took on the piled-up snow echoed with a crisp crunch, and every time she exhaled, her frozen breath broke into pale white mist.
Yet strangely, she didn’t feel cold at all.
'Why?'
Alicia stopped walking, looked around once more, and then froze in place.
At some point, a black, unidentifiable shape had appeared in the distance, watching her.
Alicia stared at it for a moment, then slowly walked toward it.
It was a strange figure, hard to describe, but she didn’t feel afraid.
If anything, it felt familiar.
"...Hello?"
Alicia gave it a clumsy greeting and then smiled, unsure of what else to say.
Even at that moment, the black figure simply stared up at her.
“You’re so small."
Alicia carefully crouched down.
She hadn’t noticed from afar, but up close, the black figure was tiny.
She felt like she could lift it with one hand.
"Would you like to come over here?"
Perhaps it was because of the surreal nature of everything.
Those words just slipped out of her mouth without much thought.
"Are you scared?"
The black figure looked up at her and shook its head.
"Then?"
“...”
“Can’t you speak?”
This time, the black figure nodded.
Alicia thought the figure looked just like a well-behaved puppy.
Though it was a pitch-black shape like a shadow, the black figure nonetheless had the form of a four-legged beast.
If she had to categorise it, it looked closer to a puppy.
“So, I guess you can understand what I’m saying after all.”
When Alicia cautiously reached out her hand, the black figure, as if it had been waiting, rubbed its face against her palm.
It was as if it was showing affection.
"Do you like me?"
Nod—.
“But we’ve only just met today.”
Shake, shake—.
"This isn’t the first time?"
Nod—.
Alicia furrowed her brow.
Even though they were having a conversation with just head gestures, the frustration was unavoidable.
"Who are you?"
The black figure stared blankly up at Alicia without any reaction.
As if it wanted her to recognise it.
Alicia’s lips parted slightly.
Only then did the pupils of the black figure become clearly visible.
The pupils of the black figure were ash grey.
The same eye colour that her grandmother had passed down to her mother, and her mother had passed down to her.
"No way…"
Alicia's voice trembled.
The black figure cautiously observed its surroundings before stealthily placing its front paws on Alicia's lap.
Somehow, it seemed like it was expecting something from Alicia.
Alicia hesitated, unsure what to do, then carefully lifted the black figure into her arms.
Unexpectedly suspended in the air, the black figure slowly blinked its eyes and then gently wagged its fluffy tail.
“Um…”
She didn’t know what she was supposed to say.
Alicia swallowed dryly as she met the eyes filled with an almost overwhelming affection directed at her.
Despite her awkward embrace, the black figure paid no mind and busily rubbed its cheeks against her, showing its joy.
Overwhelmed by the enthusiastic welcome, Alicia held the black figure, unsure of what to do, and swallowed hard once more.
The black figure was small, but it radiated a clear warmth.
Feeling that warmth gave her a bit more courage than before.
"...Honestly, I don't know what to say to you right now. But I just wanted to keep apologising."
The black figure's ears perked up.
Alicia hesitated for a moment before pulling the dark figure into her arms and patting its back.
At first, the touch felt awkward, but after repeating it a few times, it became quite familiar.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say I don't want you."
"And thank you. For being by my side right now."
Alicia smiled faintly.
The black figure, as if gauging her reaction, stared fixedly at Alicia before burrowing into her embrace.
Rather than truly understanding Alicia's words, it seemed more like it was just wagging its tail blindly out of joy.
Knowing that, Alicia still stroked the head of the black figure.
The dark creature didn't particularly have an appealing appearance, but seeing the small being trying its best to win her affection somehow touched her heart.
Upon first glance, it was evident that the child wasn’t using its power out of knowledge or intent.
It simply followed its instincts to please Alicia, pursuing what it thought she desired.
Alicia gently stroked the face of the black figure with the back of her hand.
Now, even if she wanted to, she couldn't pretend not to know.
She could feel a familiar power emanating from the black figure.
What was in front of her now wasn't an unknown entity.
It was her child.
The moment she realised that, the shadowy barrier surrounding the black figure vanished.
And only then did she finally see the child clearly.
Alicia instinctively held her breath.
It was a wolf. A wolf cub with ashen eyes and soft, reddish fur.
“Is that really your true form?”
The wolf's round eyes darted around before it cautiously nodded its head.
Alicia felt an inexplicable lump in her throat as she watched the scene.
It was clear to see what thoughts must have been running through the child's mind as it weakly lowered its tail, preoccupied with gauging Alicia's reaction.
"Pretty."
“...”
“You’re pretty enough, so you don’t have to be afraid.”
Just with a smile, the drooping tail quickly and smoothly rose back up.
Faced with the child's transparent emotions, Alicia didn't know whether to laugh or cry, so she just let out a long sigh.
In truth, with the power the child possessed, it could have easily concealed itself perfectly.
The reason the child didn't do so was that, apart from wanting to fulfil Alicia's wishes, they hoped she would acknowledge its existence.
Just like how it wanted to reveal itself before Alicia, even if it meant hiding its true form.
"…Even in this situation, you’re still being mindful of me.”
‘You don't have to be aware of something like that yet.’
Alicia's fingers tensed up.
"You don’t need to walk on eggshells around me. Why are you so worried about how I’ll react?"
Alicia gently bit down on her lower lip.
Being overly self-conscious was the habit she hated most about herself.
But seeing that very habit — not in anyone else, but in her own child — felt strange.
No, more than that, it was heartbreaking.
It was agonising, like her heart was being torn into a thousand pieces.
“Baby, you don’t have to try so hard for me anymore.”
“...”
“Stop pushing yourself for my sake, too.”
Alicia held back the tears threatening to spill as she looked at the child.
Moreover, the power the child was using was not infinite.
The power was bound to run out eventually, and the outcome after that was already decided.
“I don’t need your powers.”
“Kng, kkiing, kng…”
Perhaps misunderstanding Alicia’s words, the child made strange noises and burrowed into Alicia’s arms.
Only then did Alicia realise that the child was feeling anxious.
“It’s not that I don’t need you. It’s just that I want you to...”
Alicia stopped mid-sentence.
Every time she saw that blindly devoted gaze, she couldn’t help but think of herself.
"Kkiiing…"
As Alicia’s reply was delayed, the child’s body grew limp.
Flustered and unsure of what to do, Alicia stammered as she continued speaking.
“Th-that…! I meant that just being by your side is enough!”
“…Kkiiing?”
Hope quickly welled up in the child’s eyes.
Fearing the child might lose strength again, Alicia hurried to continue.
“Just having you beside me is more than enough. So stop pushing yourself. You don’t have to strain yourself for my sake.”
The clear eyes simply stared at her.
The more that happened, the brighter Alicia smiled.
The way the child kept watching her reminded her of her own desperate need for affection, stirring her heart deeply.
“You don’t have to watch so closely. It’s truly okay. Even if you do nothing, I’ll keep loving you. I’ll never hate you.”
“...”
“You’re way too beautiful for me to hate you.”
Alicia gently kissed the child’s rounded forehead, as if soothing it.
The child opened its eyes wide, then wagged its tail gently.
Though the child still looked like a beast, to Alicia, it simply appeared as her own child.
“I will love you even if you don’t do anything. So from now on, don’t use your power anymore. That power is too overwhelming for a young one like you to bear.”
Not seeming to understand Alicia’s words, the child just kept tilting its head repeatedly.
Alicia hesitated, wondering if she should explain more, but instead, she simply stroked the child’s head.
Even if the child had special powers, they were still just a child.
Instead of reasoning logically, it was actually quite difficult to even explain the idea of the power to the child who was simply relying on instinct.
'But…'
Alicia’s pupils flickered as she looked at the child.
Regardless of understanding, she couldn’t allow the child to keep using their power.
For the child, that power was no different from poison.
“If you don’t use your powers, I’ll keep loving you. How about that? Can you do it?”
The child’s eyes sparkled brightly with hope as if understanding those words.
Seeing that innocent expression, Alicia gave a wry smile.
Though she was comforting the child, in truth, she was the one being comforted.
What the child gave was only a faint warmth, but just by looking into the pure, innocent gaze directed at her, she could feel it clearly.
She knew that, no matter the moment, that child would always be her unwavering ally.
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