"Aren't you cold?"
"I'm fine."
"You're putting on a brave face despite looking pale."
Cabelenus clicked his tongue and pulled Alicia into his arms.
He should’ve known from the moment she said she’d never experienced winter — Alicia was incredibly sensitive to the cold.
Once they were deep in Schwarhan’s territory, she often shivered uncontrollably, even while wrapped in a thick fur coat.
"Aren't you cold, Your Highness?"
“In Schwarhan, this doesn’t even count as cold.”
Did it get colder than this?
Alicia’s face turned even paler, like she’d just been handed a death sentence.
When she first saw the fur coat, she wondered if it might be too excessive, but it definitely wasn't.
No matter how many layers she wore, the cold still pierced through them, sharp enough to make her fear she might freeze solid.
“Just hold on a little longer. It’ll be much better once we reach the castle.”
"O-okay.”
She replied quickly, but that didn’t mean she was actually okay.
Alicia tightened her grip on Cabelenus’s hand, clinging to it as if it might help her withstand the cold.
“You’re trembling like a newborn fawn.”
"...Please don’t tease me."
“So now you can say things like that too.”
"Well, since Your Highness said you preferred it this way..."
"That's right. I do."
With a faint smile, Cabelenus drew Alicia even closer under his coat.
"..."
Alicia’s pale cheeks flushed red.
“Once we get to the castle, I’ll give you some warm Pelle.”
"Pelle?"
“It’s a kind of mulled wine.”
"I… I’ve never had alcohol before, is that alright?"
“They call it wine, but really, it’s just wine boiled with spices and other things. You won’t get drunk.”
“There’s a drink like that?”
Alicia’s eyes widened in surprise.
“It’s one of Schwarhan’s signature drinks, along with Zille.”
"What’s Zille?"
“A high-proof spirit. People drink it to fend off the cold.”
"How strong is it?”
Like a child just learning to speak, Alicia suddenly had a flood of questions — but Cabelenus didn’t find it annoying in the least.
Watching her, face bright with curiosity, asking one question after another, he felt a quiet pride well up in him. It was as if she’d grown just a little more.
“It’s strong enough to catch fire if you light it. When you drink it, it burns going down — it feels like it scalds your throat. Ah, and I once heard someone actually died after drinking undiluted Zille.”
“It’s a drink that can kill someone?”
"Why? Do you want to try it?"
“No. I don’t like that sort of thing.”
Alicia shook her head quickly, and Cabelenus’s smile deepened.
He was quite pleased with the warmth wriggling in his arms.
“It’ll be tough for a while when you first arrive in Schwarhan as you get used to everything.”
“Are you worried about me?”
“I’m just telling you upfront that I won’t scold you for it, so don’t shrink back.”
He hoped Alicia would settle into Schwarhan without trouble, but seeing her struggle against the cold, he couldn’t help but worry.
Getting used to a strange land, different people, and new customs was never easy.
“I won’t shrink back.”
“Can I trust you on that?”
“Yes. I think I’ll be okay as long as you’re by my side, Your Highness.”
"…"
Cabelenus’s hand, which had been gently patting Alicia’s back, came to a stop.
There was something about this woman that unknowingly stirred a man’s feelings.
“Of course, I know you can’t always stay by my side, but just knowing you’re with me puts me at ease.”
"I’ll stay by your side."
“That would be wonderful.”
It was hard to tell whose heart was pounding so loudly.
Alicia, unaware of her flushed face, bowed her head deeply.
“Your Highness, you definitely seem to have a higher body temperature than others.”
“Others? Who?”
"Uh, well. Generally speaking."
"Gazeff?"
“I don’t know Sir Gazeff’s body temperature, so I can’t really say…”
Why did Gazeff come up all of a sudden?
Alicia hesitated, flustered, and stammered.
“Then just keep not knowing.”
"Pardon?"
“I mean, it’s none of your business to know Gazeff’s body temperature.”
“Of course, it’s not something I really need to know.”
Alicia gave an awkward smile and nodded.
For reasons she didn’t understand, Cabelenus sometimes brought up Gazeff out of nowhere.
“Not just Gazeff, but others too.”
"Others?"
“I’m the only one who can hold you. So there’s no need to check anyone else’s body temperature.”
Cabelenus buried his face in Alicia’s nape.
Alicia instinctively held her breath and gripped the edge of Cabelenus’s coat.
Every time his breath brushed her neck, she couldn’t help but curl her toes.
“I need to finish that bet as soon as possible.”
"Pardon?"
“Nothing, just talking to myself.”
Each time Cabelenus spoke, his lips brushed against her delicate skin.
Alicia’s face grew even redder as she fidgeted with her fingers.
"Uh..."
"Just stay still for a moment."
"Your Highness?"
"I’m a little anxious, that’s why. Just hold on a moment — let’s stay like this for a bit."
Cabelenus’s hand trailed over Alicia’s back.
Though she wore a thick coat and he couldn’t feel her body clearly, he remembered how small and fragile she was.
It had only been one night, but the memory of that day was so vivid it could never be forgotten.
Still, after that night, Cabelenus never held Alicia again.
He felt regret when he saw Alicia’s body marked with bruises, and watching her suffer from a high fever for days brought him back to his senses.
The possibility that he could harm Alicia with his own hands left him feeling helpless.
“Why is it that you’re so small?”
“It’s not that I’m small, Your Highness, it’s that you’re just very big.”
Though Cabelenus often said Alicia was small, she wasn’t actually particularly short.
It was simply that Cabelenus was exceptionally tall, making Alicia seem smaller by comparison.
“No, you’re small. And very fragile.”
“Do I really seem that weak?”
"Very much so."
Cabelenus’s blunt answer made Alicia’s face flush with embarrassment.
“I don’t think I’m that weak.”
“You can’t even handle the cold.”
“I’m just not used to it yet. Once I am, I’ll be fine.”
“You don’t have to get used to it. Even if you’re weak, I’ll protect you.”
Cabelenus’s hand tightened its grip.
Alicia looked up at him with cautious eyes.
"I don’t just want to be protected."
"Why?"
"Because, if I can, I want to protect you too, Your Highness."
"I’m not weak enough for you to protect me."
"I know. But still, I don’t want to just be a burden. I want to prove my worth more clearly."
It would be nice if her powers really returned.
If that were the case, she would grant whatever Cabelenus wished.
Feeling regret that she couldn’t, Alicia tightened her grip.
“Don’t overthink it. What I want right now is simply to hold you like this.”
“…Is that really enough?”
Cabelenus’s gaze fell on Alicia’s lips.
The truth was, he knew.
That it wasn’t enough.
He was only holding back with reason, but his instincts made his desires clear.
Otherwise, he wouldn’t feel such longing just by looking at her delicate, pale neck.
“You said I didn’t need to prove my worth, but I think that’s not enough.”
"Why?"
"If I’m truly valuable, I could stay by your side even if your interest fades."
"…"
Her vow to live had been because of Cabelenus.
Without him, her purpose in life would vanish.
“If my interest fades, would you still stay by my side?”
“Only if you allow it.”
"…"
"I want to stay by your side, always."
Cabelenus’ hands cupped Alicia’s cheeks.
He wanted to kiss her.
No, more than that, he wanted to connect with her more deeply.
“The reason I live is because of you, after all.”
“…Then what if I’m not here?”
Cabelenus’ voice trembled slightly.
He knew Alicia’s feelings weren’t the same as his.
Her behaviour was like a newborn bird just hatched from its shell.
Just like how a grown bird eventually leaves the nest, she, too, would one day long for freedom.
"...I don’t know."
"You don’t know?"
“You never wished for my death, Your Highness. Even if you no longer want me by your side, I won’t be able to die.”
Watching Alicia’s head shake weakly, Cabelenus felt a lump rise in his throat.
She still seemed awkward saying what was on her mind aloud, smiling shyly with a faint blush on her cheeks.
Her dull hair, faded eyes, and pale face hadn’t changed much, but somehow, she was so beautiful he couldn’t look away.
"...Can I kiss you?"
"Pardon?"
"I asked if I could kiss you."
"M-me?"
Had his interest really not faded?
Alicia, caught off guard, opened her mouth like a goldfish.
"Do you not want me to?"
Cabelenus tilted his head slightly.
Alicia swallowed hard as she watched his dark, fine hair softly brush his forehead.
“You don’t have to ask me for permission to do that—”
"I want to ask."
"..."
His long, thick fingers brushed against Alicia’s cheek.
The tips of his rough, firm fingers grazed her soft skin.
"That’s right. I think that will make me feel less guilty."
"Guilty?"
“I thought something like that had disappeared long ago.”
Veins bulged on Cabelenus’s hand.
It didn’t matter if Alicia’s feelings were clumsy or uncertain.
Even if her blind devotion faded, she was already caught in Cabelenus’s grasp.
All he needed was to bind her completely — before she tasted more freedom and truly understood her feelings.
Just like his father had done, and just like the bloodline of Blanche.
But why was that?
Why did it feel so wrong whenever he looked into those eyes as if that certainty itself was a mistake?
A furrow formed between Cabelenus’s brows.
The man who once feared nothing was now afraid of this woman.
Those innocent, unknowing eyes were more terrifying than a sharp blade pressed against his neck.
“Because he was someone who deserved to die.” [1]
He feared that the eyes, once sparkling with kindness, would turn to him with contempt the moment they realised the freedom they thought they had was nothing but shackles.
"It's okay."
"…"
Under Cabelenus’s unwavering gaze, Alicia’s cheeks flushed a rosy pink.
"...You can kiss me."
Alicia murmured shyly, barely above a whisper.
She never imagined she’d say such a thing, but if she hesitated any longer, it would be the end.
If she remained silent out of embarrassment, Cabelenus truly wouldn’t do anything.
"I don't dislike it."
Her hands clenched tightly as she muttered with her head bowed.
The mere thought of that day made her face burn with embarrassment, but it wasn’t unpleasant.
In fact, it felt good.
She had always struggled to fall asleep and woke at every little noise, yet when she slept beside Cabelenus, none of that happened.
The warmth of another person was so comforting that it could bring tears to her eyes.
After her mother’s death, Cabelenus was the first person to show her warmth again.
"It’s true."
Seeing Cabelenus still unresponsive, Alicia spoke once more.
Only then did she realise she was more anxious than she had thought.
She feared everything might dissolve like a fleeting dream.
"Lift your head."
"..."
"To kiss, you need to look at me."
"Ah…"
It all happened in an instant.
Just as she thought her head had been lifted by another’s will, their lips pressed together.
Peck.
It was a brief, gentle kiss, like one given to a child.
As Alicia realised this, a warm breath slipped between her lips.
She didn’t want it to end like this.
This wasn’t what Alicia had wished from Cabelenus.
"What? What’s the matter?"
“Pl-please, do it properly.”
"What?"
She didn’t know where her courage came from to say that.
But the words were already out; there was no taking them back.
Alicia leaned closer toward Cabelenus.
"Please do it like before."
"..."
"...Like that night."
The moment Alicia finished speaking, their lips collided roughly.
Alicia instinctively grabbed onto whatever was within reach.
The man’s shirt crumpled wildly in her pale, slender hands, and the buttons that had once fastened around his neck popped open one by one.
"S-Sorry—"
Startled by the suddenness, Alicia tried to apologise awkwardly, but her words were quickly silenced by the man’s kiss.
She gasped for breath, her vision blurred as she looked up at Cabelenus.
Though overwhelmed by the force of his presence pressing against her, she didn’t want to let go of the hand she was holding.
‘…Because I want him to see me as a woman.’
Alicia squeezed her eyes shut.
She knew their relationship was impossible.
But now, it was too late to hide or suppress her longing.
No matter what words or excuses she gave, she couldn’t keep it inside anymore.
What Alicia had grown accustomed to wasn’t just the surroundings alone.
Translator's Corner:
Hello AUP readers~ thank you for your patience! I'm going to try and do my best to mass translate this, so please look forward to the updates this week and onwards~
⋆｡˚ ☁︎ ˚｡ ⋆｡˚☽˚｡⋆
[1] Cabel is recalling when Alicia said the King (her father) "deserved to die" in chapter 2.
⋆｡˚ ☁︎ ˚｡ ⋆｡˚☽˚｡⋆
If you notice any errors or broken links, please let me know and I will get that fixed~ Additionally, if you would like to support me, I have a Ko-fi ~ Thank you! 💖