Viviana kneaded her own cheeks, which were as soft as a cotton doll’s, while looking into the mirror. Her face looked much younger than she remembered, and as she pressed them, her cheeks shifted this way and that.
‘Is this a dream or reality?’
The young woman reflected in the mirror looked very young. Twenty-three? No, even younger than that. Probably twenty.
Her gaze turned behind her. The dull room with reddish-brown wallpaper was clearly the guest room at Duke Fortuna’s estate that she had used before her marriage.
With a dazed expression, Viviana looked at her own face and thought.
‘Could it be that I’ve travelled back in time?’
A face that looked younger than when she last saw it, and herself in a room she had moved out of long ago.
'So miracles like this really can happen in the world.'
Unable to contain her amazement, Viviana kept squeezing her cheeks until they turned bright red, and only then did she realise she had miraculously crossed several years of time.
Following that, the last memories of her past life slowly came together.
‘Then, was my final moment the argument with Alto on the stairs?’
Most people would be terrified recalling their final moment of life. But Viviana’s face blushed like a tomato. Thinking of that moment was so humiliating that she couldn’t even face herself, not even in a mirror.
‘So that humiliating fight was my last moment…’
That day, she shouted so loudly in a fight with Alto that the entire mansion seemed to shake. It was something she had never done, even in her young lady days before marrying him.
All the servants watched with wide eyes as the duchess screamed in a shrill voice, like a madwoman.
[What do you even know?! Who are you to question me? You don’t even love me!]
[Viviana!]
At Viviana’s accusation, Alto clutched his chest and protested. It was the first time he had raised his voice so loudly in the Fortuna mansion.
[I can’t say that I’ve loved you passionately — that much is true! But I’ve done my best to be a faithful and perfect husband in my own way. Doesn’t a husband at least have the right to know if his wife is seeing another man?]
She should have just stopped the fight right then. But years of pent-up resentment surged inside her, and shame flooded to the top of her head.
Viviana grabbed something and shouted:
[I didn’t realise you were so eager to know about my secret lover! Fine! If you want to know that badly, I’ll tell you! This is the person!]
Then her foot slipped.
Thud.
She fell backwards.
Blackout.
Going over her memories one by one, Viviana buried her face in her palms and muttered to herself.
"…Ah, how embarrassing. I must have died of embarrassment."
People could actually die from too much embarrassment, after all.
What she grabbed and threw was a dildo — the very thing Alto had mistaken for Viviana’s secret lover.
✦ ✦ ✦
To put it simply, Viviana Lorentz and Alto Fortuna were betrothed as part of an arranged marriage decided by their predecessors.
During the First Marenka War, the former Duke Fortuna stood at the very forefront. Beneath it were the tangled, often sordid schemes, both great and small, of many adults.
In the Fortuna ducal family, the stepmother schemed to have the child of the first wife sent to the most dangerous part of the battlefield, hoping he would die.
Meanwhile, the imperial family did not appoint a crown prince but, to preserve their honour, put forward Duke Fortuna, who was the prince’s cousin, as a proxy.
Because he was well aware of this fact himself, the Duke was utterly powerless.
At that time, the person who protected and supported the Duke was none other than his adjutant, Baron Lorentz.
[In life, just staying alive means you’ve won. It’s okay to be miserable, it’s okay to be pitiful. Let’s survive and make it back.]
With the help of his adjutant, the Duke achieved great feats and became a war hero. He was truly grateful to his adjutant, and so he promised to give him the greatest treasure he could offer.
[If you have a daughter, I will make her my son’s wife.]
But unfortunately, Baron Lorentz passed away shortly after his son was born.
Since the conditions of the promise were not fulfilled, it could have been considered null and void.
However, with Baron Lorentz’s early death, the Duke’s already aching pain grew even deeper, so he waited for a granddaughter.
That granddaughter was Viviana Lorentz.
Viviana still vividly remembered the first time she met the former Duke Fortuna, Alto’s grandfather.
Sitting before him was a cute little lady of only six years old, and the former Duke began telling stories about Viviana’s grandfather, who had passed away long ago.
[Your grandfather was a truly remarkable man — a man of loyalty and justice. Though many years have passed since then, I have yet to meet a noble more honourable than him. He was truly a noble among nobles, a knight among knights.]
[...Ah, yes.]
Viviana could only respond awkwardly. After all, she had never even seen a trace of her grandfather.
Duke Fortuna was generally kind and good-hearted, but for some reason, he was very conservative. He often lectured Viviana about her behaviour.
[Do not laugh out loud. Do not show your teeth either. It’s unbecoming.]
[Your wrists and ankles are to be shown only to your husband. No matter how hot it is, wear a long skirt.]
People around her said Viviana was lucky. Without much effort, she had been chosen as the daughter-in-law of the Fortuna ducal family — one of the most prominent noble houses in the country. They also told her she should do her utmost to live up to it.
Therefore, Viviana thought it was natural to obey the Duke’s nagging.
Starting three years before she came of age, Viviana lived at the Fortuna estate and began receiving training to become a proper bride — from then on, the Duke’s guidance crossed the line.
[A woman must be modest. The less she knows about pleasure, the better. Once she understands it, it’s hard to break free — so don’t even take an interest in it.]
Saying such things, Duke Fortuna made her wear thick, heavy undergarments and subjected her to bizarre sex education.
It was mostly repetitive nonsense about how moaning was the sound of the devil, and that intimacy was something dirty and shouldn’t be done often. It would be one thing if he only nagged Viviana like that, but he said the exact same things to his own grandson.
[Do not prolong your relations. Do not fixate your heart on base pleasures; instead, build a higher-level relationship with your wife, such as through discussions or shared hobbies.]
There was no way her first intimate experience, after receiving that kind of education, could have been good.
Duke Fortuna died six months after Viviana’s marriage. He was ninety-four years old.
✦ ✦ ✦
Recalling her past, Viviana brushed her hair back with an irritated touch.
‘Looking back now, he was definitely senile.’
It was not uncommon for an old man who had lost both his son and wife early and raised only a grandson for many years to lose his sanity. Especially since he was over ninety years old.
'I was too young. Looking back now, I was swayed by nonsense, and there was no one to tell me it wasn’t true.’
Viviana looked into the mirror. Reflected back was a woman with a bright, untroubled expression.
Facing her younger self, the question naturally came to mind.
‘Do I have to keep living like this?’
Viviana’s married life with Alto wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t good either. Alto was so quiet and well-mannered that he was like a goldfish who only needed to be fed. He rarely appeared, made no noise, and showed no sign of presence. If she decided not to pay him any attention all day, he truly went unnoticed.
‘Everyone around me called me Cinderella. They said they envied me because my husband was faithful and devoted to the family.’
But was that really a happy life?
‘It was a life where even basic human desires couldn’t be fulfilled.’
As Viviana sat resting her chin on the dressing table, a sharp knock came from behind her. When she turned, a familiar face appeared — her personal maid, Leta.
“You’re up early today, my lady.”
“My eyes opened early.”
“It’s a shame. If the Duke were at the mansion, he would have praised you warmly for coming to greet him early this morning.”
‘The Duke.’
Viviana’s face stiffened. For her future self, Duke Fortuna was naturally Alto, but at this moment, it was clear the previous duke was still alive.
If Viviana had to name the one person she least wanted to see after returning to the past, the Duke would be by far number one. Hesitantly, she asked Leta in a soft voice.
“Should I go pay my respects to the Duke now?”
At Viviana’s words, Leta blinked her eyes. Then she burst into a giggle and spoke.
“Nonsense. He’s not at the estate right now. My lady, you must still be half asleep.”
“Ah. Th-that’s right.”
Viviana answered awkwardly and let out a sigh of relief. Just knowing the Duke wasn’t home right now put her mind at ease.
‘But he rarely leaves the mansion, so why isn’t he here? …Could it be that time?’
The Fortuna Dukedom had suffered severe flood damage, and the former Duke once went down temporarily to manage the recovery. That was the only time it could have been.
As she grasped the situation, the date naturally became clear. Viviana’s eyes shone brightly.
‘It’s one month before the wedding!’
But by then, the invitations had all been delivered, and the wedding preparations were complete.
Viviana let out a sigh.
‘It’ll be hard to turn things around. Guess I just have to live with it.’
Lost in thought, Viviana pressed her throbbing head firmly with her palm. To be honest, she still didn’t quite feel like she had really travelled back in time.
‘Maybe if I sleep and wake up, I’ll be back to that time again.’
Then, would her life continue from the moment she threw the dildo and fell down?
‘...No. No. I don’t want to go back.’
Where on earth did she find the courage to pick up and throw the dildo?
Viviana ran her hands through her hair. Whenever she thought back to the fight with Alto, a sudden heat surged through her, flushing not only her face but also the nape of her neck.
‘The real problem was bringing the dildo in the first place. I foolishly got swayed by Larissa’s words.’
Larissa was Viviana’s cousin, a woman who treated her as if she were a hundred-year-old grandmother.
[Vivi, watching you makes me wonder how your husband even manages to live with you. Do you even know how babies are made?]
Of course, she knew. She had received years of theoretical education — so thorough it was almost nauseating — and she knew both the principles and the process exactly.
It had already been several years since she got married, and since Larisa had three kids of her own, Viviana didn’t feel the need to hide anything. She spoke honestly about her married life.
Their marital life, typical of the Fortuna dukes, was ascetic and restrained — she would lie on the bed with her legs spread, and he would rush to finish within ten minutes.
Until then, Viviana had assumed all married couples lived that way out of obligation. If Larissa hadn’t shed tears upon hearing that, she might never have known otherwise.
[Oh my god! Vivi, have you really been living like that? What is that! That’s not love, and you don’t even get pleasure from it! It’s just a waste of life!]
Larissa, fuming and giving all kinds of advice — “Divorce immediately,” “Start an affair,” and so on — wiped her smeared makeup with a handkerchief and said:
[You don’t know how wonderful pleasure is! First, you need to learn that. Once you do, you’ll realise how foolish you’ve been all this time in Fortuna.]
The item that was forced upon her as a gift was a dildo.
[Good grief, what is this?!]
When she first saw the dildo, she was so shocked that she dropped it on the floor. Its bumpy surface and large head startled her.
‘Y-You want me to keep something like this in my room? Shouldn’t I just burn it?’
It was so long and thick that she thought it would hurt if she used it inside.
‘It already hurts — every time we have sex, I bleed and get chafed down there. And this thing is hard and cold on top of it.’
Larissa was the one who patiently explained to a horrified Viviana, step by step, how to use it.
[Of course, you can’t just put it in like that. You have to moisten it properly. You need to loosen up inside, too. That bastard husband of yours didn’t even do that? He looks fine on the outside, but what an idiot.]
Larissa’s guidance was sprinkled with harsh curses from time to time, probably because Viviana’s marital situation was quite pitiful. But despite her rough tone, she was a good teacher.
[Slowly explore the places on your body that feel good. There’s nothing to be ashamed of or avoid. It’s a gift from God meant for you to live joyfully.]
Thanks to Larissa, Viviana learned pleasures she might never have experienced in her life.
Once the maids were sent away and the door locked, she could enjoy herself anytime, so it wasn’t even really a transgression. Viviana spent her days quietly and meekly, faithfully following her desires.
That was why…
[Not there — go deeper. A little higher.]
She couldn’t help but coach Alto when he kept missing the spot.
That day, Alto’s face as he gazed down at her was so cold, one could have mistaken it for a sculpture carved from ice. In a terrifyingly calm voice, he asked:
[You… don’t tell me you’ve found another man?]
That was how Viviana and Alto’s fight started before she travelled back in time.
If she had really had another lover, at least she wouldn’t feel so wronged. But to be suspected of cheating just for masturbating with a dildo, and then to go tumbling down the stairs in a fit of indignation — how ridiculous.
Recalling that moment with a shudder, Viviana’s eyes snapped open. She had just come up with a plausible reason for why she had travelled back in time.
‘Maybe God took pity on me. Sure, people can die just by stumbling on the street, but dying because I threw a dildo in a fit of rage? That’s just too humiliating.’
To begin with, it was unreasonable to think that God would pay attention to every trivial death like that… But for Viviana, who had shuddered with shame at her final memory, no better reason existed.
‘Time has turned back, and that incident exists only in my mind. Good. That’s perfect. All I have to do is occasionally kick the blanket while I sleep. Very good.’
As she comforted herself like that, she suddenly sensed a presence nearby. It was Leta, approaching with a puzzled look, watching Viviana, who kept moving restlessly on her own.
“My lady, are you alright? Your face is quite red.”
Viviana quickly waved her arms and forced a smile to show she was fine.
“I’m fine. Healthy.”
“That’s a relief. It’d be a problem if you caught a cold with the wedding just around the corner.”
"Th-that’s right."
The wedding. Thinking of her dull, lifeless marriage with Alto made her feel as if her throat was tightly constricted.
Viviana pressed the trembling corners of her lips firmly with a finger.
She would have to live that life all over again. A life filled only with duty, completely devoid of any joy.
‘But there’s no other way.’
At this point, if she called off the wedding, she would surely be accused of having some flaw and wouldn’t be able to find another match. And what about her family, who had already received a substantial consolation payment in exchange for sending her early into the Fortuna Dukedom?
‘Ugh, my head hurts.’
As Viviana squeezed her eyes shut, Leta called her again.
“My lady?”
Viviana raised her head. She then froze when she saw the clothes Leta was holding.
Leta, seemingly unaware of Viviana’s expression, smiled radiantly and said.
“Even though the Duke isn’t here, you should always keep yourself neat and tidy. Please change your clothes quickly. The young master has already started his day in the study. It would be good if you went to find him and invited him to have breakfast together.”
Leta’s words were perfectly reasonable, but Viviana’s gaze was fixed solely on the clothes she was holding.
A thick silk dress that covered her neck, wrists, and ankles like armour. Inside the dress, multiple layers of stiff, thick fabric were added — seemingly to deliberately conceal her full chest and slender waist.
And the underwear! Those detestable leather panties!
‘How on earth did I ever manage to live wearing something like that?’
To Viviana, who had spent several years freely after the previous Duke’s death, the leather panties looked as terrifying as prison bars.
Her wavering resolve steadied the moment she saw it. Viviana stood up bravely from her seat.
‘I can’t do it. I’m not wearing something like that! I can’t live like that anymore.’
Once she made up her mind, her actions were swift. Viviana tossed all the clothes Leta handed her out the window, and regardless of Leta’s flustered protests, she grabbed the lightest outfit from the wardrobe and headed straight for the study.
And as soon as she opened the study door, she spoke boldly:
"Let's call off our engagement."
Her husband, looking far more youthful than in her last memory, furrowed his brows as if baffled.
Viviana put her hands on her hips and snorted.
‘What are you going to do, glaring at me like that? You don’t even know what good sex is.’
Viviana was no longer afraid of her husband.
Translator's Corner:
Thank you for your patience! I'm feeling better now and am resuming my translations! I also picked up this new novel to translate since I wanted something a little lighter (mature rom-com)~ Take care, everyone, and see you around! (˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶) .ᐟ♡
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